There was a time in my life when I loved being single.
I was so happy with my life, that I started to doubt whether I even wanted to be in a relationship.
It was when I decided that I was done being single, and the years kept dragging on and on that it became difficult.
Here I share how being single is great if you decide to stay single. And how it can help prepare you for a healthy relationship, if you decide you want one.
And what you can do to move from being single to getting the love you want.
Why being single is a great choice
Being gives you the time and space to focus on you and your career, to develop rich friendships and to get to know your place in the world without anyone tugging at the edges.
You’ll likely develop a strong sense of independence and a deep knowing of who you are, what you want and where you are going.
How being single prepares you for romantic relationships
Healthy adult relationships come from a space where both individuals know themselves deeply. And can express what they want and need from a place of fullness because they are able to practice emotional responsibility.
When you’re on your own, you learn how to be resourceful and resilient. And to take care of yourself when life feels challenging.
These are great qualities to have should you decide later on to be in a relationship. Interdependent relationships are ones where each person has capacity to take care of themselves should their partner not be available to be there for them.
You’ll also likely develop a strong tribe of like-hearted souls around you during your time as a single. This extended community is important when you’re on your own. And it’s very healthy to maintain a wide variety of relationships – from familial to peer groups – even after you are in a romantic relationship.
Maintaining connection with your tribe takes the pressure off of your future partner to be ‘everything’ for you all the time. This in itself is an impossible ask.
Our worlds are complex and we as humans benefit from a wide base of support to help navigate the ups and downs of life. Maintaining connection with your tribe takes the pressure off of your future partner to be ‘everything’ for you all the time. This in itself is an impossible ask.
When you can share openly and be vulnerable with another, that opens the door for intimacy. Practicing this first in friendships can help prepare you. It’s the richness and fullness of these types of connection that feel so good.
How being single helps you to have better sex
If you practice self-pleasure during this time then you’ll have an incredible understanding of what turns you on. What kind of touch you like. And how you like to receive it.
There’s no need to wait around for someone to ‘bring you to orgasm’ or ‘make you come’. Your pleasure is yours. And it’s powerful.
This can then be communicated to a potential partner with an invitation to share in pleasure that is yours. It comes from you and is of you. There’s no need to wait around for someone to ‘bring you to orgasm’ or ‘make you come’. Your pleasure is yours. And it’s powerful.
Why having experience doesn’t matter
And if you’ve never had a relationship but want one, know that many others - men and women both - come into their 20’s, 30’s and even their 40’s with little or no experience of or in relationships.
Though it may seem like the whole rest of the world has had some experience, it’s simply not true.
Also know that whilst you may hear that people expect that their potential mate ‘to know what they are doing in the bedroom’, that it’s not an imperative. Or even that important.
If you develop a strong, healthy connection with someone, and this moves towards intimacy, then know that this person is emotionally invested in you. They’ll likely be ok with the fact that you’ve not had much (or any) experience.
When two hearts are in it for real, then there is a deep desire to get to know you intimately, whether you’ve had experience or not. Taking it slow may be one more thing about you that they fall in love with.
Not to mention that for them, it can also be quite exciting to learn how to make love again as if for the first time. It’s an exquisite gift of newness that is rare to find now-a-days, though it can be cultivated even in couples that have been making love together for decades.
Someone may come to you claiming they’ve got all the experience in the world, when really they’ve only ever known one way of being intimate.
And those that seemingly have so much more experience, often learned to make love from places like porn – not necessarily the best teacher on how to have deep, connected, satisfying, pleasure-filled sex.
Someone may come to you claiming they’ve got all the experience in the world, when really they’ve only ever known one way of being intimate.
And it may not be the way that works for you. Or even for them. Only they don’t know it.
How to get a romantic relationship if you want one
No one is born knowing how to be in a relationship. So just because someone has been in one or many relationships, they don’t necessarily know how to do it well.
We learn about relating from our caretakers and from those around us – relatives or friends or what we see in the media.
And let’s face it, these oftentimes these aren’t the greatest examples to learn from.
We all have a lot to learn about relating and mating.
Educating yourself on what makes for a healthy intimate relationship is a great place to start. And connecting with your body and your pleasure vital.
If you feel really ready for a romantic relationship and want to start dating again but don’t know where to start, then take the first step and contact me.