Our definition and understanding of intimacy continues to shift, change and evolve as we do.
The ways in which we need and want to feel close to another, to be seen by them and understood - and in turn, see and understand ourselves better - are very different from person to person and relationship to relationship.
The truth is, we expect more from partners that we share a sexual or erotic connection with. And these relationships can feel very intense, more so than others.
So how can we create the depth of connection that we crave? Here are a few ways:
Are there different types of intimacy?
Now more than any time before this, we expect and demand intimacy with a partner in ways that we’re only beginning to articulate clearly.
If before we understood intimacy as a physical and emotional experience with another, we now can understand intimacy in a much more nuanced way:
Physical Intimacy - a sense of safety, familiarity, and shared time.
Sexual Intimacy - attraction, passion, and the erotic.
Alchemical Intimacy - encouraging personal growth and taking risks.
Emotional Intimacy - compassion, understanding, and unconditional love.
Verbal Intimacy - effective communication.
Bigger Vision Intimacy - sharing life goals and a greater purpose.
Transcendent Intimacy - connecting on an energetic and spiritual level.
How do you build intimacy?
Building intimacy is a process that can change in different relationship stages:
✨ Early Dating - focus on open communication and consistency. Be honest about your dating approach and what you're looking for, both in the short and long term.
✨ Established Relationship - continue open communication as your feelings evolve. Understand your physical intimacy boundaries and desires and communicate them with your partner. Recognize that these can vary from person to person. Communicate what feels good to you about the amount of time spent together with the person versus time spent alone.
✨ Long-Term Relationship - to keep the intimacy alive, explore your sexual edge, and stay curious about your partner's ever-changing needs and desires. Be open to new experiences and ways of connecting. Consider what you’d like to experience more of with your partner and ask for it. Or get creative and think of ways that you can explore the terrain together.
Intimacy is a complex and personal journey
Blockers and accelerators can vary greatly from person to person and depend on the type of intimacy in question.
They might include physical or contextual factors in sexual intimacy or past experiences and family dynamics affecting emotional intimacy.
The key to overcoming these blockers and facilitating intimacy is self-awareness and self-healing.
✨ Recognizing how past experiences have shaped your ability to connect and work on removing those internal barriers can be transformative.
✨ Building trust in yourself and your ability to connect with others is essential for authentic intimacy.
One more thought…
Intimacy with another can also be built by getting more intimate with yourself.
The more you know of yourself, the more trust and safety you build within yourself, and the more you’ll be able to show and share with and for another.