In part 3 of Surviving Intimacy, we explore what it takes for love – and passion – to endure over time. We want a depth of connection and quality of desire like we never had before. And we want it to last.

Join me and discover what it takes to create an exceptional relationship that endures.

And what you can do to begin to live this kind of life in love.

Note: This series was originally created as a Masterclass for The Times and Sunday Times Life Lessons Festival in London, UK 2022.

Why are intimate relationships so intense?

Why is love so hard to find?

And once found so hard to keep?

And once kept so hard to survive, never mind thrive in?

From the disappointment of endless dating and constant swiping, to the destabilizing precariousness of early stage relationships, to the imminent frustration and tedious boredom of long term love.  

We might begin to ask ourselves if intimate relationships are even worth it.

And then we remember what they promise.

If we could meet real love in a way that feels natural and easy, love that gives a sense of trust, safety and security in a challenging and ever changing world.

If we could feel the nourishment of deep, meaningful connection, and the richness and excitement of learning and growing together.

If we could experience the deliciousness of passion and the sparkle of erotic desire that adds so much aliveness and dimension to life

Then yes, we would answer that relationships are absolutely worth it.  

But all of that is no small ask.

If you love what you hear, please leave us a rating and review on iTunes/Apple Podcasts.

In each of the 3 parts of this series we’ll consider…

PT 1: FINDING LOVE

- What it takes to find love on or offline.

- How to meet your person in a way that feels natural and easy

- Dissolving the things from the past that keep us from meeting our person.

PT 2: KEEPING LOVE

- The delicate dance of closeness and distance in intimate relationships

- Preparing your body, heart, mind and soul for long-term love

- What ‘healthy’ looks like in intimate relationships

PT 3: THRIVING IN LOVE LONG-TERM

- The skills and tools needed to make love and passion last over time

- How self-awareness and self-knowing allow for healthy adult relating

- And how to attain the awareness, skills and tools that long-term love asks for

Book in a 30 minute consultation call with Andrea and find love that lasts.

About Andrea:

Andrea Balboni is a certified Sex Love and Relationship Coach and founder of Lush Coaching. She helps smart successful heart-centered humans experience pleasure and fulfillment in their personal intimate lives and romantic relationships. From finding real love naturally and easily, to keeping it and deepening into healthy relationships, to thriving in passion and pleasure over the long-term, Andrea supports individuals and couples in all phases of love and relationships.

Find love with Andrea:

Group Coaching

Roadmap to Relationships - How to Find, Keep and Thrive in Love.

https://www.lushcoaching.com/relationship-roadmap

Erotic Awakening with the Crystal Egg

https://www.lushcoaching.com/erotic-awakening

One-to-one Private Coaching

A limited number of spots are open. DM/email me or book in a 30 minute consultation call to learn more and sign up.

andrea.lush.coach@gmail.com

Online Masterclass: Find, Keep and Thrive in Love

Learn to find real love and have a committed, long-term relationship. Tickets available on Eventbrite

Receive weekly Love Letters

https://www.lushcoaching.com/free

Work with me

Book in a 30 minute consultation call with Andrea

Let’s stay connected

Continue the conversation on Instagram at @andreabalboni_lush

Show us the love

And if you love the show, please leave us a rating and review on iTunes/Apple Podcasts.

Ep. 11 Surviving Intimacy : Part 3 – Thriving in Love

Welcome to Lush Love the podcast and part three of this three part series on surviving intimacy, How to find, keep, and Thrive in Love That Lasts. I'm your host, Andrea Baloni, a Sex, love and Relationships coach and founder of Lush Coaching. I help smart, soulful, heart centered. Experience, pleasure and fulfillment in relationships and intimacy from finding real love naturally and easily to deepening into a healthy relationship, to thriving and passion and pleasure over the long term.

In part one, finding love. I shared a story about how shame, guilt, and fear around my sexuality be erotic an intimate partner. Kept me from finding love In part two on keeping [00:01:01] love. We saw how learning to dance between autonomy and togetherness in relationships shifted one woman's experience of dating from dread and uncertainty to joy and freedom.

In part two on Keeping Love, we saw how learning to dance between autonomy and togetherness shifted one woman's experience of dating an early stage relationship from dread and uncertainty to joy and freedom.

Now, in part three, you'll discover what it truly takes to thrive in intimate relationships over. Because what we want today from Love has never been experienced before. We want a depth of connection and closeness and a quality of desire and passion like we've never had it and we want it to last

Over the years, I have studied with some of the world's leading relationship therapists, trauma specialists, and neuros. Somatic and embodiment coaches, and [00:02:02] yes, Yogis, Tantrika, Reiki, Masters and Shaman leaders and guides of all kinds. And the one thing that I've learned is this, that in order to experience the kind of intimacy that we now desire and have it endure, we need new skills, new tools, and new ways of knowing ourselves.

And one another. Think about it for a moment. That's quite a bit of upleveling that wants to happen.

We need to learn new skills for communicating new tools for connection and new ways of knowing ourselves and another more deeply and fully over time. The truth is new skills, tools and understanding take time to learn, and then dedication and commitment to practice consistently, especially when as with all things new, it feels unfamiliar, sloppy, uncomfortable, unsettling, and [00:03:03] inconvenient.

In the beginning, we inevitably mess up, fall down over try and underdeliver, and then avoid practice. If we stick with it though, over time it does get easier, love gets stronger and passion, even in its natural ebbs and flows endures. And if it all doesn't, at least we know with certainty. That we've done everything that we can to give it our best shot.

And so if you're willing to show up for the game to get in there and be with the intensity of it and take good long water breaks when you need, then you set yourself up to receive all of the benefits of a nourishing, healthy way of loving and making love.

So what exactly are the skills and tools that you'll need to learn and where do we begin when it comes to self-awareness? Let me tell you a story. [00:04:04] Her Insta grid slid by under my swipes. If images could tell a story, then the wild untouchable in her is alive still. A friend told me to contact you. She texted me.

He said, You might be able to help me. Sleek straight hair framed her pretty face in a perfect V, and I wondered if when she let people close, it might not sting. Erin is my best friend. I love him more than anyone. It's just that sex has always been well awkward with him. Our conversation had moved to a call and I sensed nervousness, agitation, and doubt in her.

There are things that I want to do and try, but instead it's like I freeze. Erin's not the most confident in bed either, which makes two of us. I don't wanna make it worse. She continued to tell me that and had been this way for a long time, and that despite everything else being so good, she wasn't [00:05:05] sure that they should stay together.

And then I speak with Erin. Aaron too is magazine-cover striking Tall with an Easy Gate. He runs his own company, a successful consultancy in the heart of the city, and yet when I first speak to him via Zoom, he looks small behind his desk and guarded. It takes him a while to open up. When he finally does, he shares with me his love for Jas.

The ups and downs of their relationship and also his past. A family with a legacy of addiction and his own jealousy and possessiveness with Jas. Aaron assures me that he's done lots of work on himself already, and despite this and his initial holding back, he assures me that he is up for doing the work.

I feel the sincerity and willingness in his voice and willingness is key, because without it, it's game over before you even [00:06:06] begin. With any new client, I always ask how willing they are. Are they willing to give it a try? Are they willing to believe? At least in part, that however improbable it may feel at the.

That a resolution or positive outcome is at least possible.

In our first session together, I ask Jaz to share more about the freeze response she experiences in intimacy. I immediately see her body tense and she shifts uncomfortably on the sofa next to Erin. Her hands fold into her crossed legs, her body physically reflecting, the shutting down that happens in bed.

Our bodies store everything. The imprints of experiences we've had, especially the negative ones, show up in the present as sensation. Thankfully, the body, like a book can be read and understood, and when we learn to. And when we [00:07:07] learn to tune in through our physical sensations, the messages we receive from our bodies are clear, though not always verbally communicated.

So when we reach into the body, it's like opening a treasure. And brings us reliably and directly to the source of a thing that holds us back from having what we want and love and intimacy every single time.

So I ask Jas to remember what it's like when she freezes. It's a tightening in my chest. She says like, I can't breathe. Her eyes fold closed as she drops into the sensation in her. I almost immediately emotion surface. The tears come and the meme, you need to feel it to heal. It passes through my mind.

Aaron moves to comfort, Jas, but I ask him to sit back if there's one thing I've learned. It's that no one can do the work for you. Aaron's presence, his being there fully [00:08:08] without taking action to simply witness what Jas was moving through. It was all that was needed. Jasmine felt the support of Erin's presence and also the space to be with what was coming up in her on her own.

I turn my focus back to Jasmine. How old does this part of you in your chest feel? I ask her about seven. She responds in a small trembling voice. Yeah, she's just little. I. Softening my tone to match. And what does she need right now? I ask. She just wants to be held and to know it's going to be okay.

And then Jasmine smiles and laughs and she tells me she wants to run free in a field of wildflowers. Got it. I said, I guide Jasmine to feel for the part of her that can hold this little girl. Jasmine scans her body and notices her hands warm and tingle. She imagines [00:09:09] folding the little girl inside of her in a great big hug.

She then releases her into a field of wildflowers watching her run free as she does. I noticed Jazz's whole body relax and lighting tears dry, and Aaron teary eyed himself beside her also relaxes. I talk with Jasmine about how from now on when she feels her chest tightened in this way, she'll take care of the little girl inside of her and send her on her way so that the adult part of her confident easy in her.

And ready to ask for what she wants in the bedroom can be there fully. Over the course of the next few weeks, Jasmine shares that things have completely shifted in intimacy with Erin. They connect and communicate more easily, and sex no longer feels awkward to her.

In fact, it's never been better.

I noticed that Jasmine's face has somehow lost its sharp [00:10:10] angles. There's new depth receptivity and gentleness in her. She's softer and warmer, and Erin agrees the relationship takes on whole new dimensions. A rebloom has begun.

So what can we learn from this last story? Perhaps consider how often you pay attention.

And listen to the sensations in your body. Maybe consider asking your body what messages it might have when you next venture out on a Saturday night, whether it's on a first date, or to meet your long term partner. Notice what's happening in your body. Listen to her and ask her what she might need you to know, for you to find the love you want to keep it and to thrive in it.

We're coming close to the end of this episode, and before I go, I'd wanted to share with you one last thought. First of all, we've seen how intimacy is intense and challenges us [00:11:11] even in strong relationships like the kind Erin and Jasmine had.

We learned how to be more self aware and to understand ourselves more by reading the treasure map of our bodies. Listening to what it tells us and then giving ourselves what we need in the powerful presence of another. For the mutual benefit of both people in the relationship. How would it feel for you to take ownership and responsibility for what comes up within you in your relationship?

Secondly, we saw how simple and yet powerful it can be to support each other through presence. How might you be more present in your relationship and what might change as a result? Thirdly, I'd like to remind you that learning to relate better to ourselves one another, and ultimately the world that we live in is a lifelong process.

And so if you're thinking that this sounds hard or tricky or overwhelming, then know. You don't have to be perfect [00:12:12] at it, but you do have to be willing, willing to learn, willing to grow, and willing to change,

willing to connect to your body, willing to feel your emotions, and willing to change your mind in doing so, your experience of love and life itself. Day by day, minute by minute, moment by moment

will change too. So how willing are you and what is holding you back from having the love and intimacy that you want? Clue. Check in and ask your.

And if you'd like some help with this, then send me a message at andrea@lushcoaching.com and I'll share with you how you can work with me directly.

And this is the end of part three of this three part series on finding, keeping and thriving in [00:13:13] love.

Remember to listen to parts one and two if you haven't. And if you liked this and would love to hear more from me and the guests that I have that inspire, remember to subscribe, like, and share this podcast with anyone you think it might help.

So much love and pleasure to you. Goodbye.