Deep wisdom. Powerful tools. Practical tips.

Andrea Balboni 11/25/25 Andrea Balboni 11/25/25

The 5 Gateways to Sensational Sex and Feeling More Alive

You share a beautiful bond with your partner. You love each other deeply.
And yet — if you’re like many of the couples and individuals I work with — you may sometimes wonder if there’s more to experience in your intimate life.

Perhaps you feel emotionally close but notice a spark has faded.

Maybe you’re single and curious about reconnecting with your body, pleasure, and sexual confidence.

Or perhaps you simply sense there’s untapped potential in the way you experience intimacy and connection.

Here’s the truth: great sex rarely just happens — even in loving relationships.

It’s not about luck, natural chemistry, or being “good in bed.” It’s about awareness, communication, curiosity, and practice.

The myths don’t help — that sex should always be easy, that desire fades with time, or that emotional connection alone is enough. The reality is that sensational sex — the kind that feels electric, alive, and deeply nourishing — can be cultivated.

Through years of supporting individuals and couples as a certified sex coach and relationship expert in London, I’ve discovered five essential gateways that can transform your sexual and emotional connection. These gateways help you reclaim pleasure, deepen intimacy, and awaken a more authentic, embodied version of yourself.

Gateway 1: Communication – The Foundation of True Intimacy

Good sex begins long before you’re in bed. It starts with the courage to talk about sex — openly, honestly, and without shame.

Most people were never taught how to communicate about desire, boundaries, or pleasure. We make assumptions, avoid uncomfortable topics, or pretend everything’s fine — even when it’s not. Yet when you learn how to talk about sex in ways that connect rather than divide, everything changes.

Communication in intimacy isn’t just about asking for what you want; it’s about listening, curiosity, and safety. It’s the foundation for exploring fantasies, healing sexual anxiety, and rebuilding trust after disconnection.

If you and your partner are struggling with mismatched libido, performance anxiety, or a sexless relationship, learning to communicate clearly and compassionately can bring the spark back — sometimes more powerfully than before.

Gentle Invitation:
If you’d like guidance in learning how to talk about sex confidently and lovingly, you can book a private consultation to begin.

Gateway 2: Reclaiming Your Body – The Anatomy of Pleasure

Pleasure is your birthright. Yet so many people are disconnected from their bodies — unsure of how arousal actually works or how to experience deep physical pleasure.

As a sex and intimacy coach, I often see how misinformation and shame limit our potential. Many women I work with are unsure how to awaken arousal after childbirth or menopause. Many men struggle with maintaining erections under stress. Understanding the anatomy of arousal — from the clitoral network to the role of the pelvic floor — is essential for unlocking full-body pleasure.

When you learn how your body truly works, you stop chasing performance and start cultivating presence. You learn how breath, sound, and movement expand pleasure. You discover that orgasm isn’t a goal, but a state of aliveness that ripples through your whole being.

Gentle Invitation:
To explore how to reconnect with your body and pleasure, discover more about mysex coaching for individuals.

Gateway 3: Discovering Your Erotic Signature

Every person experiences and expresses desire differently. Some are sensual, drawn to slow touch and deep connection. Others are sexual, turned on by visual excitement or raw passion. Some are energetic, aroused by anticipation and subtle energy. And others are kinky, thriving in exploration of power, play, and surrender. Many are shapeshifters, fluent in several erotic languages.

Your Erotic Signature is your unique pleasure blueprint. Understanding yours — and your partner’s — brings profound freedom. You stop comparing yourself to others and start exploring what truly lights you up.

When you embrace your erotic self fully, shame dissolves. You move with more confidence, authenticity, and ease — both inside and outside the bedroom.

Gentle Invitation:
Want to understand your erotic signature and what it means for your relationship? Learn more about relationship and sex therapy online.

Gateway 4: Exploring Your Sexual Edge – From Shame to Freedom

Everyone has an erotic edge — a place where curiosity meets fear, where excitement touches vulnerability.
For some, this might be introducing fantasy or light kink. For others, it’s reclaiming a sense of wildness or play that’s been lost through routine, shame, or trauma.

Exploring your edge doesn’t mean pushing limits recklessly. It means discovering what truly turns you on while staying grounded in consent, communication, and trust. Boundaries create safety; safety allows surrender. And surrender — that moment when the thinking mind quiets and pure sensation takes over — is where profound pleasure begins.

Many people come to me for discreet sex therapy in London seeking help with sexual shame, anxiety, or fear of judgment. With support, you can learn to express your desires safely, honour your limits, and experience sex as a source of liberation rather than stress.

Gentle Invitation:
If you’re curious about exploring your edge in a safe, non-judgemental space, you canbook a confidential consultation.

Gateway 5: Sacred Sexuality – The Union of Sex, Heart, and Soul

Beyond pleasure lies something even deeper — the awareness that sexual energy is life energy. When approached consciously, sex becomes not just an act of connection, but a spiritual practice — a way to awaken aliveness, presence, and love.

Sacred sexuality isn’t about perfection or performance. It’s about slowing down, staying present, and letting go of goals. It’s where the physical, emotional, and spiritual meet — where love becomes devotion and the body becomes a vessel for joy.

Through this lens, even ordinary moments — a kiss, a glance, a shared breath — become extraordinary. You begin to sense the sacred within the everyday, and your erotic energy becomes a source of creativity and vitality in every area of life.

Gentle Invitation:
To explore sacred sexuality and deepen your connection — with yourself or your partner — visit Lush Coaching’s private sex therapy services in the UK.

Your Journey Back to Aliveness

These five gateways aren’t steps to master; they’re doorways to return home — to your body, your pleasure, your truth.

Whether you’re seeking help for low libido, mismatched sex drives, sexual shame, or simply wanting to improve intimacy in your relationship, each gateway offers tools and insights that can bring more vitality, connection, and ease into your life.

The journey to sensational sex is ultimately a journey back to yourself — your capacity for joy, creativity, and presence.
It’s not about fixing what’s broken. It’s about remembering what’s already whole.

If you’re ready to explore what’s possible in your sexual and emotional life, you can book a private consultation or learn more about how we can work together online or in London.

Andrea Balboni 11/19/25 Andrea Balboni 11/19/25

How Relationship Coaching Helps Couples Rebuild Trust and Intimacy

When trust fractures in a relationship, it doesn’t just crack—it shatters into a thousand sharp-edged pieces. That gut-wrenching moment when safety dissolves, whether through betrayal, chronic unreliability, or emotional abandonment, leaves partners stranded in parallel worlds of pain. One carries shame (the healthy kind), the other carries hurt, and between you sits this vast, silent chasm that intimacy used to fill.

I’ve sat with many couples in this exact space—from my practice in London and via Zoom globally—and here’s what I know to be true: the journey back to solid ground isn’t about forgetting what happened. It’s about taking ownership and fundamentally transforming how you show up for each other.

As a certified sex coach specializing in sexual wellbeing support and relationship repair, I’ve witnessed couples not just survive these ruptures but emerge with something richer than they had before. The question isn’t whether your relationship can recover—it’s whether you’re both willing to do the uncomfortable, often unglamorous work of genuine repair.

Let me walk you through how I help couples rebuild trust, informed by the brilliant work of Esther Perel and Terry Real, whose approaches to relational ambiguity and fierce intimacy shape how I guide this work.

Step 1: Bringing in Your Impartial Witness

When couples try to navigate betrayal alone, they typically end up in one of two cycles: looping in perpetual punishment or bypassing with “let’s just move on”. Neither heals or fixes anything for the long-term in your relationship.

This is where working with a sex therapist in London, UK or an online professional or seeking support from a certified sex and relationships coach becomes essential—not optional.

Why Third-Party Guidance Changes Everything

A skilled coach or therapist does several crucial things simultaneously:

Creates Containment for Big Feelings

Couples therapist Terry Real talks about creating a “relational container” strong enough to hold the intensity of emotions you’ll both experience without collapse.

In my own sessions with clients, I establish what I call a “circle of safety”—a protected space where the partner who caused harm can demonstrate genuine accountability without defensiveness, while the hurt partner can express their pain without fear of further abandonment or retaliation.

Manages the Impossible Timeline

The partner who broke trust often asks, “How long do I have to keep proving myself?” Meanwhile, the hurt partner thinks, “Why aren’t I over this yet?” I help normalize that healing isn’t linear.

Some days you’ll feel close; other days the suspicion floods back in. This is normal, not failure.

Illuminates Blind Spots with Compassion

Esther Perel, an expert in helping couples navigate their relationship after an affair, reminds us that the person who strayed often can’t see the ongoing impact of their choices. They’re ready to move forward while their partner is still processing the initial blow.

As your guide, I point out these blind spots—not with judgment, but with the clarity needed for true ownership and reconciliation to happen. I also help the hurt partner see where they might be stuck in victimhood rather than moving toward empowerment, a delicate but necessary conversation.

Step 2: The Accountability Reckoning—No Shortcuts Allowed

This phase demands everything: courage, radical honesty, and a willingness to sit in profound discomfort. It’s the opposite of the avoidance patterns that likely contributed to the breach in the first place.

Crafting an Apology That Actually Lands

Forget the hollow “I’m sorry” tossed out to stop an argument. Real repair requires what I call the “whole-body apology”—one that addresses not just what happened, but its full impact.

The Three Essential Elements:

1. Clarity – State exactly what you did, in specific terms. Not “I messed up” but “I had an ongoing emotional affair with someone from work and lied to you about it for six months.”

2. Compassion – Acknowledge the specific pain you caused. “I have understood that you felt utterly betrayed by this. And now you question everything about our relationship. That you feel alone and isolated. And that confusion about us and our relationship came from my choices.”

3. Commitment – Offer a tangible plan for change. “I’ve scheduled sessions with a sex and relationship coach to understand why I went outside of our relationship, and I’m committed to weekly check-ins with you.”

The Question Marathon

The hurt partner will have questions—waves of them, often the same ones circling back. Together, we create what I call “structured disclosure sessions.” These scheduled conversations allow for thorough answers without overwhelming either partner.

This approach builds unexpected intimacy even through painful topics, whether you’re discussing infidelity, stress about it that is affecting intimacy, or financial deception.

Eliminating Defensive ‘Buts’

Terry Real is brilliant on this: defensiveness is the enemy of intimacy. Every “but” in your apology cancels what came before it. “I had the affair, *but* you stopped having sex with me” isn’t accountability— it’s blame-shifting.

If you need help with performance anxiety or are addressing sexual shame, we explore those vulnerabilities and any others separately, not as justifications.

From Secrecy to Transparency

Trust, as Esther Perel teaches, lives in the space between predictability and surprise. After betrayal, we temporarily need to lean heavily toward predictability through radical transparency.

Co-Creating Your Safety Agreement

Together, we build boundaries that genuinely feel safe for the hurt partner without creating a prison for the other. This might include phone transparency, location sharing, scheduled check-ins, or temporarily pausing certain activities or friendships. These aren’t punishments—they’re scaffolding while the new foundation sets.

Understanding the ‘Why’ Beneath the ‘What’

If the breach involved sexual betrayal, we explore the underlying void it attempted to fill. Was it about intimacy through sex that you’d lost touch with? Unaddressed trauma? Often, this work requires trauma-informed sex and intimacy support for individuals before it can fully heal in the couple dynamic.

Step 3: Consistency—The Unglamorous Work of Becoming Reliable

This is where most couples either break through or break down. Grand gestures mean nothing here. What matters is the relentless, unsexy work of daily follow-through.

Becoming Predictably Present

Imagine your partner looking at you with calm expectation rather than anxious scanning. That’s where we’re headed.

The Micro-Promise Power Play

If you say you’ll be home at six, you text at 5:45. If you promise to research options for a discreet sex therapist in London, you come back with three names and your thoughts on each. Every kept micro-promise deposits into your trust account. Every broken one—even small—makes a withdrawal. The math is simple.

Responding to the Anxiety Flares

When the hurt partner expresses worry (“Who are you texting?”), the accountable partner must respond immediately with patience, not irritation. “I understand why you’re asking, and I’m glad you told me rather than sitting with that anxiety. It’s my colleague about tomorrow’s meeting—here, see?” This validation rather than annoyance is crucial for healing.

Reintroducing Touch as Safety

For couples navigating sexual wellbeing support or reconnecting after betrayal, we reintroduce physical intimacy very gradually. It begins with ten-second hugs, hand-holding, non-sexual massage—rekindling embodied intimacy before any sexual pressure enters.

We’re rebuilding touch as comfort, not performance. This is especially important when addressing overcoming sexual shame or awakening pleasure after disconnection.

Step 4: Writing Your New Relational Story

Once the immediate crisis has stabilized, we shift from crisis management to conscious creation. This is where a sex and relationships coach helps integrate individual healing into your shared intimacy practice.

From Surviving to Thriving

Real trust returns when you both genuinely believe in your relationship’s new form—not because you’ve forgotten the past, but because you’ve learned how to be different together.

Celebrating Small Wins

Did you have a difficult conversation that ended with mutual respect instead of a door slam? That deserves acknowledgement. Positive reinforcement—what Terry Real calls “cherishing behaviors”—locks in new patterns. These celebrations rebuild the positive sentiment override that betrayal destroyed.

Future-Proofing Your Intimacy

We discuss how to talk about sex in your relationship now that you have these communication tools. How will you address future sexual mindfulness needs? How will you ask for help with low libido or erectile dysfunction support without shame spirals? Creating this roadmap means future bumps don’t become catastrophes.

Individual Growth as Relational Strength

Often, the partner who broke trust discovers their breach was a symptom of deeper disconnection from themselves—lost sexual empowerment, unresolved shame, unprocessed trauma or conditioning from childhood.

Working with a certified sex and relationships coach individually strengthens the relationship by strengthening the individuals within it. If you’re in the London area or working globally via Zoom as I do, this deeper personal work becomes the insurance policy against future ruptures.

Oftentimes affairs and betrayals often aren’t about the other person—they’re about the self we’ve lost touch with. We can only be as intimate with another as we are with ourselves. This individual work isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

The Truth About Trust Repair

Rebuilding trust takes the time it takes. But with genuine accountability, uncomfortable transparency, and relentless consistency, you can transform a shattered foundation into something more resilient than what you had before.

The couples who succeed aren’t the ones who had smaller betrayals—they’re the ones who stayed in the discomfort long enough for real transformation. They’re the ones who stopped performing healing and started actually doing it.

Working within a structured framework of couples coaching or therapy online or in the UK, you’re not just healing a wound—you’re building an entirely new communication system. You’re developing the courage to be fully seen, the strength to truly see your partner, and the humility to keep showing up even when it’s hard.

Ready to Begin Your Repair Journey?

If you’re sitting with a mountain of hurt, wondering whether sex and relationships therapy or coaching is right for your relationship, here’s my answer: if you’re both willing to do uncomfortable work with skilled support to get clear on what is next for you and your relationship, resolution is absolutely possible.

I work globally via Zoom from my London practice, facilitating communication, offering support with betrayal, trauma-informed intimacy guidance, and the structured accountability couples need during this tender time.

Whether you’re navigating betrayal or rebuilding after years of emotional disconnection, I’m here to guide you through.

[Learn more about working with me](https://www.lushcoaching.com/coach-with-me) and explore whether coaching is the right fit for your unique situation.

[Book a confidential consultation](https://www.lushcoaching.com/contact-me) and let’s start writing your new story together—one built on genuine trust, embodied intimacy, and the fierce love that’s willing to do the work.

Andrea Balboni 11/19/25 Andrea Balboni 11/19/25

Personal Growth and Relationship Growth: Can They Happen Together?

I remember when I first dove deep into ‘doing the work’ on myself. It was about 15 years ago and I had been single most of my adult life. The one thing I really wanted was a relationship. And I wondered if I’d find anyone who ‘got me’ enough so that it could really work.

Would they be willing to go deep with me on the things that really mattered? Explore all of the existential questions I had about life? Be interested in exploring the corners of the globe and learning from the different cultures we’d encounter? Shift and change with me as I continued to try on new ways of thinking and being in the world?

If you have ever felt like you too might have to choose between focusing on yourself and investing in your relationship, you’re not alone? Perhaps you're diving deep into your personal growth journey—working on self-confidence, people pleasing, or healing past wounds—and worry that your partner or relationship might be left behind. Many people believe these two paths are separate, or even opposing.

The truth is, this couldn't be further from the reality of healthy, thriving relationships. The pain point often comes from a fear that one person's evolution will outpace the other's, leading to drift. But what if your individual journey is actually the secret ingredient to a more robust, intimate partnership?

In this article, you will learn why personal growth and relationship growth are not just compatible, but synergistic, and how you can manage this beautiful, simultaneous evolution.

As a certified sex coach specializing in relationships and intimacy, I've seen firsthand how intentional individual work—be it sexual confidence through coaching or overcoming sexual shame—is the foundation for trulymeaningful connection.

And I’ve experienced it myself.

Why Growth is Never a Zero-Sum Game

The idea that you must sacrifice your individuality for your partnership is an outdated notion. Modern, conscious relationships thrive on the strength and authenticity of the individuals within them. When you commit to personal growth, you bring a more resilient, self-aware, and emotionally intelligent version of yourself to the relationship dynamic.

Growth is an Expansion, Not a Trade-Off:

Self-Awareness: When you understand your triggers, needs, and desires, you can communicate them more clearly.
Resilience: Individual work helps you develop coping mechanisms for stress, which prevents external pressures (like stress affecting sex life) from overwhelming the relationship.
Capacity for Intimacy: The better you know yourself, the safer you feel to be vulnerable with your partner, which is the bedrock of true intimacy.

For couples struggling with issues like mismatched sex drives in couples or sexless relationship support, the first step can sometimes be individual work to understand each partner's unique emotional and sexual landscape.

The Pillars of Simultaneous Growth

To successfully nurture both yourself and your relationship, focus on these key areas. They act as anchors that keep both ships sailing in the same direction.

The Power of Intentional Communication

Effective communication is the lifeblood of simultaneous growth. As you change, your needs and boundaries will shift. The relationship must have a structure to handle this new information.

Mastering Sexual and Emotional Communication

Being able to discuss tough topics is paramount. If you're wondering how to talk about sex in a relationship, start by creating a 'safe container'—a dedicated, non-judgmental time for checking in.

Practice 'I' Statements: Focus on your experience rather than blaming or accusing your partner. "I feel disconnected when we don't plan dates" is more effective than "You never make time for us."
Discuss Your Growth: Share what you're learning about yourself. "I've been working on my experience of pleasure or performance anxiety and I'm realizing I need more verbal reassurance."
Active Listening: Listen to understand your partner’s journey without immediately formulating your defense or response.

If you are struggling with intimacy, better communication often unlocks deeper connection faster than trying to "fix" the physical component. This is foundational to couples sex therapy.

Cultivating Radical Self-Responsibility

Your partner is not responsible for your happiness, your healing, or your self-worth. When you own your journey, you lift an immense burden from the relationship. This is a core tenet of couples therapy and sex coaching for individuals.

Addressing Individual Pain Points

If you are seeking help with anxiety in sex or painful sex and need help, these are individual issues that, when addressed, profoundly benefit the relationship. When you seek discreet sex therapy or work with a private sex therapist or coach, you are investing in the health of the partnership by prioritizing your own healing.

Own Your Sexual Script: Understand the beliefs you hold about sex, intimacy, and relationships. Are they helping or hindering you?
Seek Support When Needed: Don't wait for your relationship to break before seeking help. Proactive support, like engaging in online sex therapy in the UK or working with a sexual health coach, demonstrates commitment to your well-being.
Set Healthy Boundaries: As you grow, you learn what you need to thrive. Clearly communicating these boundaries is a sign of respect for yourself and your partner.

The Magic of Shared Vision

Simultaneous growth requires a shared north star. While your individual goals might differ, your relationship vision should be aligned.

The Monthly 'Relationship Check-In'

Make it a ritual to talk about the relationship itself, not just logistics. This is a key tool used in relationship and sex therapy.

Where Are We Going? Discuss your shared goals: What kind of life do you want? What does a satisfying sex life look like to both of you?
What's Working? Celebrate successes and acknowledge the positive aspects of your connection.
What Needs Attention? Identify areas where you are feeling a pull or a gap, such as sexual wellbeing support or intimacy issues help.

A shared vision ensures that while you are growing outward, you are also intentionally weaving your paths back together. If you are in London, finding a relationships and sex coach in London who can facilitate these conversations can be transformative.

The Role of Professional Support: Accelerating Growth

Navigating simultaneous growth can be challenging, especially when past issues, like help after sexual trauma or deep-seated anxiety around sex, is present. A certified professional can provide the objective structure needed to accelerate healing and connection.

How Can a Sex Coach Help Me?

Working with a certified sex coach or seeking sex therapy services in the UK is an investment in your best self and your best relationship. We offer the tools and insights you can't see from within the dynamic.

Objective Guidance: We help you see your patterns clearly, especially around sensitive topics like erectile dysfunction support or how to improve sexual communication.
Skill-Building: We teach practical skills for resolving conflict and deepening connection.
Safe Space: We provide a non-judgmental environment to explore difficult feelings and experiences, which is often the missing piece for couples seeking sex therapy for couples.

Whether you're looking for a sex therapist near you or engaging in online sex coaching for couples in the UK, the goal is the same: to create a relationship where both partners are encouraged to evolve fully and authentically. The benefits of working with a sex coach extend far beyond the bedroom—they help you build a more fulfilling life together.

A positive outcome

The answer is a resounding yes: personal growth and relationship growth can and should happen simultaneously. The journey of self-improvement is never a distraction from your partnership; it is, in fact, the greatest gift you can offer it. By focusing on intentional communication, radical self-responsibility, and a shared vision, you transform the relationship into a supportive crucible where both of you can evolve into your highest selves. Embrace the change, celebrate the growth, and watch as your connection becomes stronger and more vibrant than you ever imagined.

If you or your partner are ready to stop feeling like you're struggling with intimacy and want professional guidance on how to make your individual growth fuel your relationship, it's time to explore your options. To book a confidential, complimentary consultation with me or one of my certified colleagues and take the next step toward a more fulfilling sex life, click here https://zoeclews-hypnotherapy.co.uk/team/andrea-balboni/.

Andrea Balboni 11/19/25 Andrea Balboni 11/19/25

How Relationship and Sex Therapy Can Improve Communication & Boost Intimacy

Do you ever find yourself sitting with your partner, physically present but feeling miles apart? You want to bring something up, but your stomach tightens because you already know it’ll either spiral into an argument or dissolve into painful silence.

And when it comes to intimacy, the idea of talking openly about your sex life feels as foreign and impossible to navigate, like being lost in a wilderness blanketed by fog.

Here’s what I want you to know: the fear and confusion, the awkwardness, that tension—it doesn’t have to be like this forever. There’s a way to have the deep, honest dialogue you’d love to have. In this post, I’ll show you exactly how to break through, helping you finally reconnect with your partner emotionally and create the authentic intimate natural connection you both desire.

As a certified relationship and sex coach based in London who works with couples locally and globally via Zoom, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless relationships transform from misunderstanding and disconnection to profound closeness and togetherness by building the awareness, skills and tools that get you there.

Let me walk you through how we make that happen.

Why Communication Breaks Down (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

We all assume we’re decent communicators—we express ourselves clearly enough at work, with friends, with family. But in our intimate relationships?

Most of us are actually reactors. We respond to what we think our partner meant, filtered through old wounds from childhood and past relationship experiences, instead of truly hearing the message they’re sending right now and responding in ways that foster connection rather than distance.

This reactive patterning is one of the biggest contributors to emotional disconnection in a relationship and the intimacy issues that follow.

The Three Patterns That Kill Connection

When couple communication skills break down, conversations typically fall into one of these destructive traps—the very patterns that couples therapy and conscious intimacy work helps you identify and interrupt:

The Defensive Dance

One partner gathers the courage to raise a vulnerable concern, and the other immediately throws up defensive shields or launches a counter-attack. The original issue? It never actually gets addressed. Both people walk away feeling unheard, misunderstood, and more distant than before. Research from the Gottman Institute shows that defensiveness is one of the “Four Horsemen” that predict relationship breakdown if left unchecked.

The Ghosting Game (Avoidance)

The fear of conflict runs so deep that important topics—especially sensitive ones around sex, desire, or unmet needs—get buried indefinitely. These unspoken concerns don’t disappear; they ferment into resentment, creating invisible walls between partners. This avoidance is particularly common when couples are struggling with mismatched desire, performance concerns, or simply don’t know how to express needs without pushing their partner away.

The Mind-Reader Trap

This is when we convince ourselves we already know what our partner thinks or why they did something. “They didn’t respond to my text because they don’t care about me” versus “They didn’t respond because they were absorbed in a work crisis.”

One interpretation starts a fight; the other opens space for understanding. This pattern erodes trust and creates constant arguments or tension over assumptions rather than reality.

I used to do this one a lot myself and when I fall into this old pattern, it drives my partner crazy. I can catch myself on good days, but on days when I’m feeling a bit low or tired, the spiral of doom trips me up.

When I remember to have compassion for myself, get the rest I need and make amends with my partner by acknowledging the pattern, repair can happen between us.

What Makes Intimacy Coaching Different

Here’s what relationship and sex therapy truly offers: it’s not about assigning blame or deciding who’s “right.” It’s about installing a completely new operating system for your connection—one built on emotional intimacy, mutual understanding, and genuine partnership.

Whether you’re dealing with communication breakdowns, navigating mismatched libidos, or seeking help for constant arguments or tension, this work provides the structure, tools, and compassionate accountability you need to practice healthier patterns.

Creating Sacred Space for Being Together with the Tough Stuff

The foundation of all meaningful change is feeling safe. In our work together, whether through couples therapy or conscious relationships coaching, we establish a zone where vulnerability becomes possible—where both partners can finally lower their guard without fear of judgment or attack.

Your Coach as Compassionate Guide

I maintain balanced energy in the room (or on the Zoom screen). No interrupting, no name-calling, and absolutely no dragging up unrelated past grievances. This structure alone can feel revolutionary for couples used to chaotic, escalating arguments.

The Power of the Pause

One of the most valuable skills I teach is the ability to hit the “pause” button *before* saying something you can’t take back. Learning to take a respectful timeout isn't a weakness—it’s about choosing connection over being right.

Opening Up to Tender Topics

This sacred container where safety is key, makes it possible to tackle conversations that felt impossible before. Couples find themselves finally able to discuss sexual concerns, explore desires, or address anxieties that shame had previously silenced. This is where better communication with your partner actually begins—when you can be fully honest without fear.

Listening So Deeply You Hear What’s Beneath the Words

Real communication isn’t just about speaking clearly—it’s about listening with your whole body and being. In intimacy coaching, we don’t just teach you to stop talking over each other; we teach you to tune into the feelings in your body (the somatic experience), the needs, and the fears beneath the words themselves. This depth of listening is the gateway to true emotional intimacy.

Mirroring for Validation

We practice the transformative art of reflecting back what you heard your partner say. This simple act of confirmation—“So what I’m hearing is that when I work late without checking in, you feel lonely and worried, not angry. Is that right?”—instantly makes your partner feel seen and understood. According to research by Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, this kind of validation is essential for secure attachment in adult relationships.

Uncovering the Real Need

We help you move past the surface complaint (“You never help around the house”) to the underlying need (“I need to feel like we’re on the same team, and that my efforts matter to you”). This shift from blame to vulnerability is revolutionary for improving every aspect of your relationship, including sexual connection. It’s at the heart of relationship growth and conscious intimacy coaching.

Reading the Unspoken

Sometimes your body communicates volumes that your words don’t capture. We develop awareness of body language, tone shifts, and energy changes to ensure your partner’s true emotional state is recognized and honoured. This non-verbal attunement deepens intimacy in ways that words alone cannot.

From Talking About Logistics to Talking About Desire

Many couples excel at discussing mortgages, school schedules, and weekend plans, but become complete novices when the conversation turns to pleasure, desire, or sexual connection. If you’re looking for help with your sex life, this is where dedicated relationship and sex therapy becomes transformative.

Normalizing the Desire Dialogue

When you work with someone specializing in holistic relationship therapy and coaching, conversations around desire shift from feeling like awkward negotiations to becoming genuine adventures in intimate connection.

Request vs. Demand

We transform transactional or critical language into invitations. Instead of “You never initiate anymore,” we learn to say, “I feel so desired and turned on when you reach for me first. Would you be open to initiating this week?” This reframe changes everything—it moves from blame to vulnerability, from pressure to possibility.

Building Sexual Confidence

For individuals struggling with sexual confidence, learning to articulate boundaries and desires in a therapeutic space makes bringing those topics to your partner feel less terrifying. You practice the language, explore the edges of your comfort zone, and discover that voicing your needs doesn’t push people away—it actually draws them closer.

Navigating Sensitive Territory with Care

If you’re working through past trauma, anxiety around intimacy, or healing from trust breaches, relationship and sex therapy provides a framework to approach these delicate subjects with profound respect and care. Sometimes this work includes individual support alongside couples work, ensuring both partners feel resourced and safe throughout the healing process.

Your Toolbox for Lasting Change

My goal is always your independence. You won’t need me forever—you’ll learn to internalize these skills so you can handle life’s inevitable challenges with confidence and grace. The couples I work with, whether they find me searching for intimacy coaching in London or online or support with conscious relationships, all leave with practical tools they use daily.

Conflict De-escalation Techniques

You’ll master the ability to stop a fight in its tracks before contempt, criticism, or defensiveness take over. This isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about engaging with disagreements constructively, rebuilding trust and closeness even in moments of tension. This is genuinely a relationship superpower.

Intentional Appreciation Practice

We develop the habit of articulating what you appreciate about your partner. This counteracts our brain’s natural negativity bias and creates a positive emotional climate in your relationship. According to the Gottman Institute, the magic ratio is five positive interactions for every negative one—and appreciation practices help you build that buffer.

Love and Intimacy Mentoring

Beyond techniques, this work offers ongoing guidance as you navigate your unique relationship landscape. Whether you’re facing a transition, processing a betrayal, or simply wanting to deepen your bond, having expert support for relationship empowerment makes all the difference.

The Transformation Is Real (And Accessible)

Here’s the truth I want you to hold: relationship and sex therapy doesn’t just manage conflict or teach you to avoid arguments. It fundamentally rewires how you connect with each other. By moving past surface-level disagreements to genuinely hear the underlying needs, feel how they show up in and through your body, you begin to dissolve the barriers that created the disconnection in the first place.

You gain concrete skills to stop reacting from old wounds and start responding from your wisest, most loving self. Every potential conflict becomes an opportunity to deepen your bond, to practice better communication with your partner, and to strengthen the foundation of your relationship. The intimate connection you’ve been craving? It’s absolutely within reach—you just need the right framework and compassionate guidance to get there.

Working globally via Zoom from my base in London, I’ve had the honour of supporting couples across different time zones, cultures, and relationship structures. The principles of conscious relationship coaching and emotional literacy are universal, even as each couple’s path is unique.

Your Next Step Toward Connection

Are you exhausted from conversations that circle endlessly without resolution? Are you ready to invest in a relationship where both voices aren’t just heard but deeply valued and respected? If you’re ready to learn the powerful communication tools that genuinely transform connection, it’s time to explore what’s possible.

For more information about working together and to discover how holistic relationship therapy might support your journey, visit Coach With Me

When you’re ready to take that first step, I invite you to book a confidential, complimentary consultation. We’ll explore where you are now, where you want to be, and whether this work feels like the right fit for your relationship. You can schedule your call here: Contact Me

Your relationship has the potential for profound transformation. You both deserve to be seen, heard, and deeply connected. Let’s make that your reality

Andrea Balboni 11/11/25 Andrea Balboni 11/11/25

The difference between conventional and sacred sex and why it matters to you

Most of us have been taught that sex has one destination: orgasm.

We focus on physical pleasure. We aim for a specific outcome. We measure success by whether we "got there."

And while there's nothing wrong with orgasm—it's wonderful—this approach often keeps us from experiencing something far more profound.

Sacred sex invites you into a completely different paradigm.

The Key Difference

Conventional sex focuses primarily on physical pleasure and achieving orgasm. It's goal-oriented. Performance-based. Rushed.

Sacred sex explores a deeper, more dynamic form of intimacy that honors the union of sex, heart, and spirit.

It's a slow, meditative, mindful approach to sexuality that harmonizes your physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects. It views your sexual energy as a powerful force for personal growth, healing, transformation, and even enlightenment.

Rather than racing toward a destination, tantra invites you to be fully present for the journey.

You let go of pressure to achieve specific outcomes. Instead, you explore pleasure as it moves through your entire body and being—not just your genitals.

You discover that your erotic energy can travel. It can be cultivated, moved, and transformed.

This is the ancient practice of energy alchemy.

Energy Alchemy: Transforming Turn-On Into Bliss

In Thursday's masterclass, you'll learn a foundational tantric practice: how to take the raw primal energy of desire or turn-on and pull it up through your body.

Into your heart, where you experience profound states of love.

Then further up into your mind’s eye and beyond, allowing you to connect with greater consciousness, oneness, universal knowing–that which is divine.

Sexual energy can literally take you all the way to the stars and back again.

This isn't just philosophy—it's a practice you can learn. And when you experience it for the first time, it changes everything.

Suddenly, pleasure isn't something that happens to you or that you chase after. It's something you cultivate, move, and channel with intention.

It becomes a gateway to expanded awareness, embodied bliss, and profound connection with yourself and the divine.

The Path to Full-Body Orgasm

This practice of energy alchemy is also the foundation for experiencing full-body orgasm—for both women and men.

When you master the flow of sexual energy within you, orgasm is no longer confined to your genitals. It expands. It ripples through your entire body.

Your chest. Your limbs. Your spine. Your head. Every cell vibrating with ecstatic bliss.

This isn't fantasy—it's what becomes possible when you learn to cultivate and move erotic energy through your body rather than keeping it localized or rushing toward release.

For men, this practice can also lead to non-ejaculatory orgasms and multiple orgasms—experiences many don't realize are possible for the male body.

For women, it opens the door to orgasms that cascade through the entire system, lasting far longer and feeling far more expansive than conventional climax.

The mastery of energy flow within you is the key.

And it begins with learning the practice of energy alchemy that I'll teach you on Thursday.

When you approach lovemaking and intiamte relationships through the lens of tantra, you're no longer just having sex.

You're practicing embodied presence. You're cultivating your creative life force energy to create new worlds. You're connecting with universal flow and all that is.

And that changes everything.

If you’d like to learn more about tantra and begin a few simple practices to get you started, download my free eguide here.

Andrea Balboni 11/6/25 Andrea Balboni 11/6/25

How Relationship and Sex Coaching Can Transform Your Erotic Life

The other night, I had the privilege of hearing ethical adult-film creator Anna Richards of FrolicMe speak at the enchanting Roof Garden in Kensington, London. Her work, whilst explicit, lifts female pleasure to the forefront—centering context, emotion, and connection, rather than rushing toward climax. It reminded me, again, of why I do this work.

In my coaching and therapy practice, I hold those same conversations—some in my clients’ hearts, some in their minds, and yes, some in my own. Conversations about desire, boundaries, shame, and the permission we rarely give ourselves to explore what we truly want, when we want it.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how to rediscover your pleasure, bridge a disconnect with your partner, or ask for intimacy again—this post is for you.

Why Couples Seek Sex and Intimacy Coaching

Many couples come to me because something has shifted: the spark feels muted, sexual frustration builds, or connection feels mechanical rather than alive. They’re not broken—they’ve simply lost a pathway back to desire.

Sex coaching UK (and especially sex coach in London) provides a compassionate, pragmatic way to address these struggles without shame. As a seasoned relationship and sex coach working globally (online via Zoom), I help people…

Move through emotional blocks that dampen desire
Rebuild sexual trust and safety
Learn how to talk about sex in a relationship
Navigate mismatched sex drives in couples
Reignite connection and intimacy naturally

Sex therapy—whether local or online—is about restoring openness, helping you understand your body, your desires, and your unique erotic language. That’s why many also search for a sex therapist near me, sex therapy London, or discreet sex therapist London—even when sessions take place virtually.

Common Sexual Challenges and How Therapy Can Help

1. Sexless relationship support & emotional distance

A long stretch without intimacy can be more than a symptom—it can erode confidence, connection, and trust. In coaching or therapy, you work together to uncover the emotional walls, fatigue, or shame lying behind the silence.

2. Mismatched desire or libido

If you're two bodies on different schedules, that mismatch can feel lonely and frustrating. Therapy for mismatched sex drives in couples helps you see beyond blame and find rhythms that honour both of you.

3. Struggling with intimacy

Perhaps sex isn’t absent—but it’s mechanical, disconnected, or just “functional.” This is a call to reintroduce eroticism, curiosity, and play back into your relationship.

4. Communication failures

Wanting sex is one thing—asking for what you desire is quite another. Many couples stall simply because they don’t know how to speak about it. That’s where intimacy coaching teaches you safe, structured, embodied conversation.

5. Shame, trauma, performance pressure

These heavier strands can underlie so many sexual difficulties. Therapy or coaching can create space to name, unlearn, and reweave your relationship with erotic energy. My training and experience is trauma-informed and I’m ready to help you move beyond the past so that you can enjoy your sex life now.

Finding the Right Sex Therapist Near You (or Online)

Choosing a therapist or coach you trust is essential. Here are some tips:

Training & credentials: Look for credible qualifications (certifications, trauma-informed therapeutic approach, etc).
Approach & ethics: A coach who emphasizes consent, connection, and real pleasure—not performance.
Comfort & safety: You should feel heard, respected, and safe to share—even your most vulnerable questions.
Flexible modality: Online (Zoom) access means you can work with someone in London for sex therapy services or sex therapy in London or internationally via Zoom.
Discretion: Especially in intimate work, to ensure privacy and confidentiality you want a discreet sex therapist in London or online.

If you’re curious about exploring deeper, feel free to learn more here or book a consultation now.

Online Sex Therapy UK: Convenient Support from Home

The beauty of online work is that it removes geographic constraints. You can access high-quality sex therapy or coaching whether you're in London, elsewhere in the UK, or abroad. This means:

Scheduling flexibility
Safe, private space (your own home)
Access to specialized experts—even if there’s no local therapist near you

I offer remote sessions via Zoom, blending psychology, embodiment, and intimacy tools. Working online doesn’t diminish the depth—it can deepen the safety and consistency partners need to feel seen and heard.

Practical Tips to Improve Your Sex Life Today

Here are gentle, real-world strategies you can begin experimenting with now:

Start with self-exploration
Use your hands, movement, breath—let yourself discover what lights you up, with curiosity, not expectation. Explore fantasies via journaling (no judgment). The answer to, “How to increase desire and intimacy naturally” often begins with solo reconnection.
Track your rhythms
Notice days or moments when you feel more energetic, more connected. Use those windows to experiment.
Open a small conversation
Try a softness check-in: “How are you feeling about how I touch you lately?” rather than launching into full demand of your wildest fantasy. Keep it gentle and curious and start small.
Share your pleasure map
Once you know what feels good for you (pressure, pace, position), share it. Encourage your partner to explore their own body too. Co-create together.
Celebrate small steps
Nothing has to be “perfect.” An invited touch, a pause before moving, a playful question—these count. Over time, they grow into deeper connection.

What Happens in a Sex Therapy Session?

To help demystify what we do together, here’s a quick walkthrough:

Intake & safety: I ask about your history, concerns, boundaries, hopes.
Goals & vision: We co-create a roadmap—what do you want to shift?
Experiential exercises: Mind/body exploration, guided conversation, erotic reconnection practices to do in the privacy of your home.
Homework & reflection: Between sessions, you’ll practice small invitations, reflections, embodiment practices, mindfulness or journaling.
Check-ins & adjustments: We’ll continuously revisit what's working, what’s not, and evolve the approach.

Because every body, relationship, and desire is unique, the path is tailored—from sexless relationship support to reconnecting desire, or reclaiming erotic confidence.

FAQ & Common Questions

Q: Is sex coaching the same as sex therapy?
Coaching tends to be more forward-focused, experiential, and goal-based; therapy often delves deeper into emotional, relational, or trauma layers. Many clinicians integrate both approaches (which is my style).

Q: How many sessions are needed?
It depends—some people feel shifts in 4–6 sessions; others take 12 or more. The journey is non-linear, and we calibrate together.

Q: Can coaching work for deeply rooted issues like trauma or pain?
If your concerns involve trauma, pain or deep psychological blocks, I’m ready to support you as a trauma-informed therapeutic coach. If you require medical support then I’ll refer you on to the right professional.

Q: What if my partner isn’t ready to participate?
You can absolutely begin this work solo. Many clients make more internal transformation than they expected—and sometimes their shifts invite the partner in later.

Q: What if sex leaves me feeling depleted?
If you feel more drained than nourished, listen deeply. Your body is communicating something important. That often highlights the need for emotional safety, boundary renegotiation, or deeper intimacy work.

Bringing It All Together

You don’t need to become someone else to reclaim your erotic life. The desire, the capacity, the pleasure—your body already knows it. It may simply be waiting for the permission to emerge.

If sex feels like effort, if intimacy feels distant, if desire feels dormant—I see you. And I’m here to hold space for you to explore what’s on the other side: ease, fascination, pleasure, connection.

If this post resonates, start here:

👉 Learn more about working with me
👉 Or book a consultation today

I would be honoured to accompany you on this journey.

Andrea Balboni 11/5/25 Andrea Balboni 11/5/25

How Relationship and Sex Therapy Can Transform Communication and Intimacy

And when it comes to intimacy, the idea of talking openly about your sex life feels as foreign and impossible to navigate, like being lost in a wilderness blanketed by fog.

Let me walk you through how we make that happen.

Why Communication Breaks Down (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

We all assume we’re decent communicators, we express ourselves clearly enough at work, with friends, with family. But in our intimate relationships?

This reactive patterning is one of the biggest contributors to emotional disconnection in a relationship and the intimacy issues that follow.

The Three Patterns That Kill Connection

The Defensive Dance

The Ghosting Game (Avoidance)

The Mind-Reader Trap

One interpretation starts a fight; the other opens space for understanding. This pattern erodes trust and creates constant arguments or tension over assumptions rather than reality.

When I remember to have compassion for myself, get the rest I need and make amends with my partner by acknowledging the pattern, repair can happen between us.

What Makes Intimacy Coaching Different

Creating Sacred Space for Being Together with the Tough Stuff

The foundation of all meaningful change is feeling safe. In our work together, whether through couples therapy or conscious relationships coaching, we establish a zone where vulnerability becomes possible, where both partners can finally lower their guard without fear of judgment or attack.

Your Coach as Compassionate Guide

The Power of the Pause

Opening Up to Tender Topics

Listening So Deeply You Hear What’s Beneath the Words

Mirroring for Validation

Uncovering the Real Need

Reading the Unspoken

From Talking About Logistics to Talking About Desire

Normalizing the Desire Dialogue

Request vs. Demand

Building Sexual Confidence

Navigating Sensitive Territory with Care

Your Toolbox for Lasting Change

Conflict De-escalation Techniques

Intentional Appreciation Practice

Love and Intimacy Mentoring

The Transformation Is Real (And Accessible)

Your Next Step Toward Connection

Read about working together and discover how holistic relationship therapy might support your journey.

Your relationship has the potential for profound transformation. You both deserve to be seen, heard, and deeply connected. Let’s make that your reality.

Andrea Balboni 10/29/25 Andrea Balboni 10/29/25

Reclaim Desire by Centering Your Pleasure

Last night I listened to ethical adult film creator Anna Richards of Frolicme.com at the beautiful Roof Garden in Kensington, London and was reminded once again why I do the work that I do. Anna’s luxurious erotic films lift sex up and centre female pleasure as women actually experience it.

Context. Emotion. Connection. The slow build of arousal rather than rushing to a destination.

It made me think about the conversations I have with women in my practice every single day, and to be honest, the ones I have in my own head. They are conversations about desire, pleasure, and the permission we so rarely give ourselves to explore what we truly want when we want it.

Here is some of what I took away from Anna’s talk on reclaiming desire. And my own experience and that of the women that I work with.

The Pleasure Gap We Don’t Talk About

Here’s something I hear often: “I feel exhausted at the mere thought of sex.”

Or: “Afterwards, I just feel… depleted.”

If this resonates with you, you might be people-pleasing in the bedroom—what we sometimes call “fawning” in therapeutic terms. You’re programmed to give, even when your body whispers (or shouts) ‘no.’ Even with someone you deeply love. And afterwards? Resentment creeps in, leaving no one truly satisfied.

This isn’t about becoming someone new or forcing yourself into unfamiliar territory. It’s about reconnecting with what’s already there—your innate capacity for desire and pleasure that may have been buried under years of conditioning or the relentless repetition of day-to-day life.

Why Female Desire Remains Taboo

We’re never really taught to embrace our sexuality as women, are we? There’s still so much taboo around female desire. If we want it, we’re over-sexed and easy. If we don’t, we’re frigid.

We’re expected to conform, to perform, to prioritize someone else’s pleasure over our own experience. To focus more on what they want, and as a result lose complete touch with what we want.

But desire is complex. Deeply human. It’s about the erotic energy that runs within us as creative lifeforce energy. It’s about connecting with yourself and others. And yes, it’s about the courage to discover what actually brings you pleasure.

Reclaiming your desire starts with giving yourself permission to explore what you genuinely enjoy. On your own. Then inviting another person in when you’re ready.

Building Your Sexual Confidence

Sexual confidence isn’t about being “good in bed”. It’s about:

Knowing yourself: Understanding your body, your boundaries, your fantasies and desires

Developing a ‘sexual voice’ (in Anna’s words): Being able to articulate your desires and needs so that your partner can support you and deliver*

Co-creating pleasure: Approaching intimacy as something you build together, not a performance you deliver

This is where solo exploration becomes powerful. It allows you to discover what you like. And then develop a vocabulary (sometimes oral, sometimes through movement and sound) about what you actually enjoy, without the pressure of an audience.

*For more on How to Talk about Sex, download my book on it here.

The Journey Matters More Than the Destination

Pay attention to the media that you’re consuming—the content you watch and read. Does it focus on pleasure as a journey, or is it fixated on the “final moment”?

Arousal is about the build-up. The anticipation. The connection.

Try this: Journal about your fantasies. Not to judge them, but to understand what they reveal about your desires. What themes appear? What kind of connection or dynamic appeals to you? This isn’t about acting on everything—it’s about deepening your self-knowledge. And then choosing what you keep for yourself, share and then act upon should you decide to.

Build Confidence to Communicate

Feeling brave enough to share a boundary, to voice a desire, to guide someone’s hands to where pleasure lives in your body is intimate work.

Vulnerable work. But it’s also the pathway to sexual experiences that truly nourish you rather than deplete you.

Balance giving with receiving. Practice asking for what you want. Let yourself soak up the nourishment that healthy, connected sexuality brings—for both of you.

What Ethical Pleasure Looks Like

What drew me to Anna’s work at Frolic Me is how it refuses to separate the context that desire actually requires, including emotion and connection, from arousal. There’s consent. It’s intimacy with realism.

Her films represent all kinds of sexual expression—pregnancy, kink, romance, solo pleasure, queer intimacy, encounters with strangers, playful experimentation. It’s sexuality as diverse and multifaceted as we actually are.

All sorts of desires deserve to be represented and explored.

You Already Have Everything You Need

If there’s one truth that lies above all else, it’s that you don’t need to transform into someone else in order to experience desire. Your desire is already within you, waiting to be rediscovered at your own pace, on your own terms.

And if sex leaves you feeling tired before it even begins, or depleted afterwards, that’s your body trying to tell you something important. Listen to it. Honour it. The more you connect to your body and align it with your heart and mind, the more your body will trust you and open up to the pleasure inherent within you. And gift you with orgasmic bliss.

Know that reclaiming your pleasure is not selfish—it’s essential for a healthy and fulfilling erotic life. And often one of the keys to a stronger relationship.

If any of this resonates and you’d like support exploring your relationship with desire and pleasure, I’m here. Sometimes we just need a safe space to start the conversation. Contact me—let’s talk.

And if you’d like to learn more about Anna and her work, you can visit Frolicme.com or listen to our conversation on the Lush Love podcast on iTunes, Erotica Reinvented: Beautiful, Ethical and Super Sexy with Anna Richards”

Andrea Balboni 10/28/25 Andrea Balboni 10/28/25

Maintaining Intimacy When Life Gets Busy: A Practical Guide

Discover practical ways to maintain erotic excitement and intimacy while managing work and family demands. Expert sex coaching for busy couples in London & online.

Does this sound familiar? You collapse into bed at 10 PM, mentally reviewing tomorrow's meetings while your partner scrolls through their phone beside you. You can't remember the last time you had sex—not because you don't love each other, but because you're both just so tired. The spontaneous passion you once shared feels like a distant memory, replaced by to-do lists, school runs, and the relentless pressure of keeping all the plates spinning.

If you're nodding along, know that you're not alone. As a certified sex and intimacy coach working with couples in London and globally through online sessions, I hear this story constantly. The struggle to maintain erotic excitement while managing demanding careers and family responsibilities is one of the most common challenges facing modern couples.

But here's what I want you to understand: a vibrant, exciting intimate life isn't reserved for people with endless free time. It's absolutely possible for you—right now, in the midst of your busy life. It just requires a different approach than the spontaneous passion of your early relationship days.

Let me show you how.

Why Work and Family Life Drain Your Erotic Energy

Before we dive into solutions, it's important to understand what's actually happening when busy life dulls your intimate connection. This isn't about blame or personal failure—it's about recognizing the very real psychological and physiological impacts of stress and overwhelm on your sexual wellbeing.

The Mental Load: The Silent Libido Killer

The "mental load"—that constant background hum of planning, remembering, organizing, and worrying—is one of the most significant barriers to erotic excitement. Research shows that carrying a heavy mental load dramatically affects desire, particularly for women who often shoulder the majority of household management.

When your brain is processing:

Tomorrow's presentation
What groceries you need
Whether you scheduled the dentist appointment
If you replied to your mother's text
Whether the kids finished their homework

...there's simply no bandwidth left for erotic thoughts or receptivity to pleasure. Your nervous system is stuck in "task mode," miles away from the relaxed, present state that desire requires.

This mental overload often contributes to what couples describe as a sexless relationship—not because the love is gone, but because the space for intimacy has been crowded out by responsibilities.

Stress, Exhaustion, and Low Libido

Chronic stress triggers cortisol release, which directly suppresses sex hormones like testosterone and estrogen. When you're operating in constant fight-or-flight mode—racing between work demands and family needs—your body deprioritizes reproduction and pleasure. From a biological perspective, this makes sense: you can't relax into intimacy when your system believes you're under threat.

The result? Low libido, difficulty becoming aroused, performance anxiety, and the feeling that sex is just another task on an already overwhelming list. Many clients come to me struggling with intimacy in exactly this way—wanting connection but feeling too depleted to pursue it.

Time Scarcity and the "Right Moment" Myth

How many times have you thought, "We'll be intimate this weekend when we're less tired," only to find that weekend just as packed as the weekdays? Many couples fall into the trap of waiting for the perfect moment—when you're both relaxed, the house is clean, the kids are asleep, and you have energy to spare.

That moment rarely comes.

Meanwhile, weeks turn into months, and the distance between you grows. The longer you go without physical intimacy, the more awkward it can feel to initiate, creating a cycle that's increasingly difficult to break.

Reimagining Erotic Excitement for Your Real Life

Here's the shift that changes everything: stop trying to recreate the spontaneous passion of your early relationship days. Instead, build intentional erotic excitement that works with your current life, not against it.

This isn't about settling for less—it's about creating something potentially richer and more meaningful than what you had before.

Strategy 1: Master the Art of Extended Foreplay

In long-term relationships, especially amid busy schedules, foreplay can't be limited to the ten minutes before sex (which isn’t enough as the average amount of time that a woman needs to be ready for penetration has shown to be 20 minutes). True erotic excitement builds through micro-moments of connection throughout your day.

Morning connection rituals: A soft, slow kiss before leaving for work, a meaningful compliment, eye contact during coffee

Flirtatious texts: A suggestive message mid-afternoon, a photo, a reminder of a shared intimate memory

Small touches: A hand on the small of their back while cooking, a spontaneous full-bodied hug, a playful caress

Emotional foreplay: Showing appreciation, sharing vulnerability, laughing together, asking about their day with genuine interest (put that phone down)

These moments accomplish two critical things: they keep you emotionally connected (which is essential for desire, especially for responsive-desire partners), and they create an undercurrent of erotic energy that can be activated when you do have private time together.

This approach to conscious intimacy—where you're intentionally nurturing connection in small ways—can transform relationships. I personally feel more desired and connected when there’s all-day foreplay between my partner and I. And many of my clients feel the same.

Strategy 3: Communicate About Sex (Even When It's Awkward)

One of the biggest barriers I see in my relationship and sex therapy practice is couples who struggle to talk openly about intimacy. They can coordinate calendars, discuss finances, and parent together effectively—but freeze when it comes to expressing sexual desires or concerns.

Learning how to talk about sex in a relationship is transformative. Here's how to start:

Create a safe container for conversation: Choose a neutral time (not in bed, not after a rejection). You might say, "I'd love to talk about our intimate life and how we can nurture it more. When is a good time for you?"

Use "I" statements: "I miss feeling close to you" rather than "You never initiate anymore"

Express desires, not just complaints: "I loved when you did X last time and would love more of it" or "I've been thinking about trying Y, how does that sound to you?"

Address mismatched libido compassionately: If one partner wants more sex than the other, this needs open discussion without blame. Through a couples therapy approach I help partners understand different desire styles (spontaneous vs. responsive) and find creative compromises.

Discuss scheduling without shame: "What if we protected Saturday mornings for us? No pressure to have sex, just time to be close."

If these conversations feel impossibly difficult, that's valuable information. It might indicate underlying issues—resentment, shame, unresolved conflict, or trauma—that would benefit from professional sex coaching or couples therapy.

Strategy 4: Inject Novelty and Playfulness

Routine is the enemy of erotic excitement. When intimacy follows the same pattern—same time, same place, same activities—your brain stops registering it as novel or exciting. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with desire and anticipation, needs novelty to activate.

Ways to introduce novelty without overwhelming your schedule:

Change locations: Sex somewhere besides your bed—the shower, couch, a hotel for an afternoon

Explore different times: Morning sex before the kids wake, a lunchtime quickie if you both work from home, late-night connection instead of your usual routine

Try new activities: A sensual massage, reading erotica together, exploring fantasies, using a new toy, role play

Explore sacred sexuality: erotic energy practices, breathwork, or conscious touch exercises that deepen your energetic connection

Mini adventures: Book a hotel in your own city for one night, have sex in a different room, shower together with intention

Dress differently: Wear something that makes you feel sexy, ask your partner to dress up, create an occasion

The key is making small, achievable changes rather than grand gestures that never happen because they're too complex to coordinate.

Strategy 5: Manage Stress to Protect Your Libido

You cannot maintain a healthy sex life without addressing the underlying stress that's draining your erotic energy. This requires systemic changes, not just better time management.

Delegate and outsource: If financially possible, outsource cleaning, grocery delivery, meal prep, learn to use AI—anything that frees mental space

Set boundaries around work: Decide when work ends for the day and protect that boundary. Your work will never be "done"—you must choose to stop.

Practice stress-reduction techniques: Meditation, exercise, breathwork, therapy, massage—whatever helps regulate your nervous system

Reduce decision fatigue: Simplify routines, meal planning, even what you wear to work

Communicate about household labor: Ensure the mental load is shared equitably, not just the tasks

Protect sleep: Exhaustion is incompatible with desire. Sometimes the most erotic thing you can do is go to bed earlier.

As a somatic-based sex coach, I often work with clients on nervous system regulation—teaching them how to shift from the stressed, activated state of daily life into the receptive, embodied state that allows for pleasure and connection.

When to Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, maintaining erotic excitement requires expert guidance. Here are signs that sex coaching or couples therapy might be valuable:

Persistent challenges that don't improve with the strategies above like:

a slide into a sexless relationship lasting several months or longer that's causing distress,
mismatched libido creating ongoing tension or resentment,
performance anxiety affecting either partner (erectile difficulties, pain during sex, inability to orgasm),
trauma history impacting your ability to be present during intimacy,
communication breakdown where discussions about sex become conflicts,
feeling more like roommates than romantic partners will want the support of a professional.

How Sex and Intimacy Coaching Can Help

Working with a certified sex coach provides:

Personalized assessment of what's specifically blocking your erotic connection,
practical, actionable exercises tailored to your schedule and concerns,
communication frameworks for discussing sex effectively,
somatic practices to help you reconnect with pleasure and desire,
trauma-informed support if past experiences are affecting current intimacy,
creative solutions for common obstacles like mismatched desire or busy schedules

I work with clients both in London and globally through online Zoom sessions, offering couples intimacy coaching that honors your unique relationship while addressing the practical realities of modern life.

Specialized Support for Specific Concerns

If you're dealing with:

Performance anxiety in men: Concerns about erections, premature ejaculation, or pressure to perform
Low libido in women: Hormonal changes, stress, or difficulty accessing desire
Painful sex: Physical discomfort that's creating avoidance
Sexual trauma: Past experiences affecting your current intimate life
Mismatched libido in couples: Different desire frequencies creating disconnection

These specific challenges often benefit from targeted, professional support through relationship and sex therapy that addresses both the psychological and practical aspects of your concern.

Your Action Plan: Starting This Week

Don't wait until your life calms down (it won't). Start reclaiming your erotic connection now with these immediate steps:

This week:

Have a 15-minute conversation with your partner about your intimate life

Send one flirtatious text during the workday

Identify one task you can delegate or eliminate to reduce mental load

This month:

Schedule one protected time for intimacy (even if just for cuddling and talking)

Try one new thing—different location, time of day, or activity

Discuss whether professional support might help you make faster progress

Ongoing:

Practice all-day foreplay through small touches and appreciations

Protect your stress management practices as non-negotiable

Revisit and adjust your strategies as your life circumstances change

You Deserve Passion and Connection

Maintaining erotic excitement while managing work and family demands isn't a luxury—it's a vital part of your wellbeing and relationship health. Your intimate connection deserves protection and prioritization, not leftover time and energy.

The couples I work with who successfully balance busy lives with vibrant intimacy share one quality: they're intentional. They don't wait for desire to strike spontaneously; they create conditions where desire can emerge. They communicate openly, prioritize their connection, and seek help when they need it.

You can do this too.

If you're ready to explore how sex and intimacy coaching can help you maintain erotic excitement and deepen your connection—even amid the chaos of work and family life—I invite you to take the next step.

Book a complimentary, confidential consultation to discuss your specific situation and how we can work together, or learn more about my coaching approach for busy couples and individuals.

Your relationship deserves more than whatever's left at the end of an exhausting day. Let's create something better together.

Andrea Balboni 10/21/25 Andrea Balboni 10/21/25

What Really Happens in Your First Session with a Sex Coach

You’re considering reaching out to a sex coach. Maybe you've been thinking about it for months, or perhaps a recent experience pushed you to finally take action and have a consultation call. You might be feeling a mixture of relief, nervousness, and uncertainty. And if you’re like me, nameless fear as you wonder what to expect.

What will we talk about? Will I have to share embarrassing details? What if I freeze up and can't explain what I need? Will they judge me?

These questions are completely normal. As a certified sex and intimacy coach working with individuals and couples in London and globally through online sessions, I've sat across from hundreds of people in that first session. I understand the vulnerability it takes to show up and talk about something so personal, tender and meaningful.

So let me walk you through exactly what happens in that first session—and more importantly, help you understand why taking this step is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sexual wellbeing and intimate relationships.

Understanding Sex Coaching: What It Is (And What It Isn't)

Before we dive into what your first session looks like, let's clarify what sex coaching actually involves.

As a therapeutic sex coach who is trauma-informed, I work with sensitive issues whilst holding a focus on moving you forward.

Sex coaching builds self-awareness, self-compassion and relational intelligence whilst also taking an educational, skill-building, and empowerment-focused approach that helps you enhance your sexual wellbeing, develop new practices, and achieve specific goals around intimacy.

That said, these approaches often overlap and complement each other beautifully. Many of my clients work with both a therapist (for past trauma or mental health) and a sex coach (for practical skill-building and intimate relationship enhancement).

Unlike a licensed sex therapist, I do not diagnose and treat medical conditions affecting sexuality.

What Does a Certified Sex Coach Actually Do?

As a certified sex coach specializing in complex relational dynamics and somatic-based approaches to intimacy, I help clients with:

Low libido in women and men: Understanding what's blocking desire and finding pathways back to it
Performance anxiety in men: Addressing erectile concerns, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or pressure to perform
Mismatched libido in couples: Creating solutions when partners want different frequencies of intimacy
Sexual confidence: Rebuilding your sense of yourself as a sexual being after life changes, trauma, or relationship challenges
Communication about sex: Learning how to express desires, boundaries, and needs effectively
Conscious intimate relationships: Developing deeper connection through sacred sexuality and mindful presence
Painful sex: Exploring physical, emotional, mental and relational factors contributing to discomfort
Sexual shame: Unraveling cultural, religious, familial or personal messages that limit your pleasure
Intimacy after trauma: Trauma-informed approaches to reclaiming sexuality safely

The common thread? I help you understand your unique sexual landscape and develop practical skills to create the intimate life you want.

What Actually Happens in Your First Sex Coaching Session

Your first session typically lasts 75-90 minutes (sometimes longer than subsequent sessions) because we're laying important groundwork. Here's what you can expect:

Creating Safety and Confidentiality

The very first thing I do is establish the parameters of our work together—and most importantly, assure you that everything you share is completely confidential. This isn't just a nice sentiment; it's legally protected and ethically fundamental to my practice.

I want you to understand that:

Nothing you say will shock me: I've heard it all, and my role is to create a judgment-free space
You control what you share: You never have to disclose anything you're uncomfortable discussing
We move at your pace: If something feels too vulnerable, we can slow down or approach it differently
This is your session: You're in charge of what we focus on

Many clients tell me that simply feeling this safety allows them to relax in ways they haven't in years. For those who struggle with how to talk about sex in a relationship or have internalized shame around their sexuality, this non-judgmental space can be genuinely transformative.

Getting to Know You: Your Story and Context

I'll invite you to share what brought you to sex coaching. This might include:

Your current concerns: Are you experiencing low libido? Performance anxiety? Pain during sex? Feeling disconnected from your partner? Struggling with desire?

Your relationship context: Are you in a committed relationship, dating, single and wanting to prepare for future intimacy, or exploring your sexuality independently?

Relevant background: While we don't dive deep into trauma history in the first session, understanding key experiences that shape your current sexuality helps me support you appropriately. As a trauma-informed coach, I'm trained to hold space for these experiences safely.

What you've already tried: Have you read books, tried apps, talked with friends, seen a talk therapist? Understanding what hasn't worked helps us avoid repeating those paths.

Your life context: Work stress, parenting demands, health conditions, cultural or religious background—all these factors influence your sexual wellbeing and intimacy.

Here's what's important: I'm listening for patterns, not judging your story. I'm noticing what lights you up when you talk about it, where shame or anxiety appears, and what resources you already have that we can build on.

Clarifying Your Goals and Desires

This is where we shift from understanding the problem to envisioning the solution. I'll ask questions like:

What would your ideal intimate life look like?
If we work together for three months and you feel our sessions were successful, what will have changed?
What would you like to feel more of? (Desire, confidence, connection, pleasure, freedom, playfulness?)
What would you like to feel less of? (Anxiety, shame, pressure, pain, disconnection?)

For some clients, goals are very specific: "I want to be able to have penetrative sex without pain" or "I want to overcome erectile anxiety." For others, they're more expansive: "I want to feel comfortable in my body during intimacy" or "I want to reconnect with my partner erotically."

Both types of goals are valuable. We'll work together to make them specific and achievable while honoring the bigger vision you have for your sexual wellbeing.

Understanding How We'll Work Together

I'll explain my approach to sex and intimacy coaching, which includes:

Somatic-based practices: Working with your body and nervous system, not just talking about sex intellectually. This might include breathwork, embodiment exercises, or mindfulness practices.

Trauma-informed care: If you have a history of sexual trauma or adverse experiences, our work will be paced carefully to avoid re-traumatization while helping you reclaim your sexuality.

Holistic perspective: We'll look at the whole picture—physical health, emotional wellbeing, relationship dynamics, stress, lifestyle, and spiritual connection (if relevant to you).

Practical tools: You'll leave most sessions with specific exercises, practices, or experiments to try between our meetings.

Sacred sexuality principles (if this resonates with you): Viewing intimacy as a pathway to deeper consciousness, connection, and energy cultivation.

I'll also explain logistics: session frequency (typically biweekly), how we communicate between sessions, what homework looks like, and how we'll track progress.

Initial Assessment and Next Steps

By the end of the first session, we'll have a preliminary roadmap. This might include:

Immediate areas of focus: What we'll work on first

Practices to begin: Simple exercises you can start right away

Resources: Books, articles, or tools that might support your journey

Potential referrals: If you need medical evaluation (for pain or erectile issues) or psychological support, I'll recommend appropriate professionals

Session plan: How often we'll meet and what to expect over the coming weeks

What We Won't Do in the First Session

It's also helpful to know what doesn't happen:

No graphic demonstrations: Sex coaching is talk-based and educational; there's no physical touch or sexual activity
No pressure to disclose everything: You share what feels right; there's no requirement to detail your entire sexual history
No empty promises: While I'll give you some initial tools for some immediate results, but know that deep change takes time—I'm not promising quick fixes
No judgment about your choices: Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, exploring kink, or have specific religious values, I respect your choices

Common Questions About First Sex Coaching Sessions

"Will I Have to Talk About Embarrassing Things?"

The things that feel most embarrassing to you are often exactly what need to be discussed—and they're likely not remotely embarrassing to me. Remember, this is my professional specialty. What feels shameful to you is probably something I've addressed with dozens of clients.

That said, you never have to share anything you're not ready to discuss. We can take an indirect approach to sensitive topics until you feel comfortable being more explicit.

"What If I Can't Articulate What's Wrong?"

Many clients come to me saying, "I don't know exactly what the problem is, I just know something's not right." That's completely fine. Part of my role is helping you develop language and clarity around your concerns. We'll explore finding a language for them together.

"Can My Partner Come to the First Session?"

This depends on your situation:

Couples sex coaching: If you're seeking support as a couple, yes—both partners typically attend from the beginning. We'll explore each person's perspective and find shared goals.

Individual coaching first: Sometimes one partner benefits from individual sessions initially, especially if there's personal shame, trauma, or confidence issues to address before involving their partner.

We can discuss what makes most sense for your unique situation during our initial consultation.

"How Will Online Sex Coaching Work?"

Many of my clients work with me via Zoom globally, and online sex coaching is remarkably effective. You'll be in a private, comfortable space (your home, office with door closed, car if needed). Video allows me to pick up on non-verbal cues while you remain in your own environment.

Benefits b online coaching include:

Accessing specialized support regardless of location
Comfort of your own space
Flexibility in scheduling
Easier for couples with busy schedules or childcare challenges

"What If I Realize It's Not the Right Fit?"

Finding the right coach or therapist is crucial. If after the first session (or consultation) you don't feel we're a good match, that's valuable information. I'd rather you find someone who resonates with you than continue working with someone who doesn't feel right.

Part of the first session is assessing this mutual fit. Do you feel heard? Does my approach make sense to you? Do you feel hopeful that this could help?

Preparing for Your First Session

To make the most of your initial appointment:

Reflect beforehand on what you want to gain from sex coaching. Jot down notes if helpful.

Be honest about your concerns, even if they feel trivial or embarrassing. What seems small often isn't.

Prepare questions you have about the coaching process, my background, or my approach.

Ensure privacy if we're meeting online—find a space where you won't be interrupted or overheard.

Be gentle with yourself afterward. First sessions can bring up unexpected emotions. Plan something nurturing for after our call.

What Happens After the First Session

Following our initial meeting, you'll have clarity about:

Whether sex coaching is the right approach for your concerns
What our work together might look like over the coming weeks or months
Specific initial practices or exercises to begin
When we'll meet next and what we'll focus on

Most clients leave the first session feeling a mixture of relief (that they've finally addressed this), hope (that change is possible), and perhaps vulnerability (having opened up about sensitive topics). All of these are normal and healthy responses.

Is Sex Coaching Right for You?

Sex coaching can be valuable if you're experiencing:

✓ Persistent challenges with desire, arousal, or pleasure

✓ Communication difficulties about sex with your partner

✓ Sexual shame or anxiety limiting your intimate experiences

✓ Life transitions affecting your sexuality (menopause, parenthood, aging, illness)

✓ Desire to deepen your intimate connection and explore new dimensions of sexuality

✓ Performance concerns or confidence issues

✓ Mismatched libido creating tension in your relationship

✓ Recovery from sexual trauma and readiness to reclaim sexuality

✓ Curiosity about conscious intimacy, sacred sexuality, or tantric practices

Sex coaching may not be appropriate if:

✗ You're experiencing severe mental health crisis requiring immediate clinical intervention

✗ You need medical diagnosis or treatment for sexual dysfunction (though I can refer you to appropriate providers)

✗ You're not ready to actively engage in the process or implement practices between sessions

Your Journey Begins With One Conversation

Taking that first step to book a session with a sex coach requires courage. It means acknowledging that your intimate life matters enough to invest in it. It means being willing to be vulnerable about something our culture teaches us to keep private. It means choosing growth over resignation.

I want you to know: you don't have to navigate these challenges alone. Whether you're struggling with low libido, performance anxiety, communication about intimacy, painful sex, sexual shame, or simply want to enhance your already-satisfying intimate life—support is available.

As a certified sex and intimacy coach trained in somatic-based and trauma-informed approaches, I create a safe, compassionate space for exploring these deeply personal aspects of your life. Working with clients in London and globally through online sessions, I've witnessed countless individuals and couples transform their relationship with sexuality and intimacy.

Your first session is simply a conversation—one where you're finally heard, understood, and supported in creating the intimate life you deserve.

Book your complimentary consultation to explore whether sex coaching is right for you, or learn more about my approach to intimacy and relationship coaching.

The intimate life you desire is possible. Let's explore it together.

Andrea Balboni 10/17/25 Andrea Balboni 10/17/25

How Fragrance, Chemistry, and Confidence Shape Desires

My erotic signature is sensual with undertones of the energetic. Therefore, I’m highly sensitive and easily turned on or off by anything that moves through my senses, including scent.

And in fact, all of us are in some way, influenced by the power of scent when it comes to desire. And I’m asked how true this is quite often, especially in my work as a dating coach.

Here’s what’s true, and what’s not about fragrance and attraction.

Do pheromones or your fragrance choices actually play a role in romantic attraction?

They might — and even if “human pheromones” are still debated in science, the truth is, scent absolutely influences attraction.

Smell taps directly into the emotional part of our brain, bypassing logic and reason. It can create an instant “yes” or “no” feeling about someone — before a single word is spoken.

While scientists continue to explore how much of that is down to chemistry and / or psychology, what’s clear is that our natural body scent and fragrance choices affect how we connect.

Some people are magnetically drawn to another’s scent. For others, a mismatch can make even the most compatible relationship or date feel off. It’s one of those subtle but powerful forces that shape intimacy, connection, and even long-term attraction.

Want to explore how scent might show up in your own erotic blueprint?
Join the Masterclass: Unlock Your Erotic Signature — we’ll explore how the Sensual erotic type experiences pleasure through the body and all five senses.

Can wearing a certain fragrance increase attractiveness or confidence?

Absolutely. A fragrance can be an invisible accessory — a subtle but powerful way to express your mood, confidence, or sensuality.

The scent you wear affects how you feel, and that in turn changes how you move and interact. When you feel grounded, sexy, or playful, that energy becomes magnetic. You radiate confidence — and others feel it.

Choosing a fragrance is really about tuning into your inner world. Do you want to feel soft and open? Strong and seductive? Calm and centred? Let your fragrance mirror that intention.

For personalised guidance on cultivating confidence and sensuality in dating or relationships, explore my sex and intimacy coaching sessions — available online and in London.

Is it normal to feel turned off by a partner’s scent, even if everything else fits?

Yes — and it’s more common than most people realise. You might adore someone’s personality, looks, or energy, but if their natural scent doesn’t sit right with you, it can be hard to feel fully attracted.

That’s not shallow — it’s biological. Our sense of smell is tied to deep, instinctive processes that signal compatibility and comfort.

The olfactory system — the part of the brain that processes scent — has a direct neural pathway to the limbic system, the area in the brain responsible for emotion, memory, and motivation. Unlike sight or sound, smell doesn’t pass through the rational, filtering parts of the brain first.

That’s why scent can trigger instant feelings — comfort, desire, nostalgia, or even repulsion — before we consciously understand why. You can’t talk yourself into liking someone’s scent, either you do or you don’t.

How much fragrance should someone wear on a date? When does it become overpowering?

Less is always more. You want your scent to invite someone closer, not overwhelm them before you even say hello.

A light spritz on pulse points — wrists, neck, maybe behind the knees — is usually plenty. Think trace, not trail. The most captivating scents are discovered up close, rather than announced from across the room knocking everyone over at first whiff.

I’m actually quite allergic to most heavy perfumes, and very much appreciate when a light touch is applied versus being asphyxiated by someone drenched in it.

Do people respond differently to scent when it comes to attraction?

Yes — and that’s part of what makes it so fascinating. What smells irresistible to one person may feel heavy or unpleasant to another.

Our reactions to scent are personal, shaped by biology, memory, and even culture. One fragrance might remind you of summer holidays and warmth; another might trigger a memory of safety or love.

That’s why the most attractive scent is the one that makes you feel most yourself. When you wear something that aligns with your natural chemistry and personality, it feels authentic — and authenticity is deeply attractive.

How can someone express their personality through fragrance while dating or mating?

Fragrance is a subtle, sensual form of self-expression. It tells a story before you speak.

If you’re playful and curious, light citrus or soft florals might reflect that. If you’re more grounded and passionate, woody, musky, or amber notes might feel like home. Choose a scent that mirrors who you are in that moment, not who you think you should be to impress someone else.

When your scent feels true to you, it naturally draws in people who are aligned with your authentic energy.

Are there any scents that tend to have a positive effect while dating?

Yes — but remember, it’s personal. Generally, scents that feel clean, warm, and subtle tend to be well-received: light florals, gentle citrus, soft vanilla, or notes that evoke freshness and approachability.

My own favourites are scents that remind me of skin warmed by the sun and carry me back to the beach, lazy days under the summer sunshine, and the salty-breezes of Cape Cod in Massachusetts where I grew up.

But the real key is comfort. If a fragrance makes you feel sensual and confident, that’s what others will pick up on. Your confidence is the scent they’ll remember most.

If you’d like to understand your own erotic wiring — join the upcoming Masterclass: Unlock Your Erotic Signature. It’s a beautiful way to deepen your self-awareness and expand your pleasure.

Final Thoughts

Scent is one of the quietest yet most powerful ways we communicate attraction. It’s the language of the subconscious and of the body — primal, emotional, and often beyond words.

When you feel good in your own skin — and scent — attraction becomes effortless. Your authentic sensual is experienced.

If you’re ready to reconnect with your sensual confidence or explore how your erotic signature influences the way you love and relate, you can book a private consultation orwork with me online or in London.

Andrea Balboni 10/14/25 Andrea Balboni 10/14/25

Sexual confidence during perimenopause and after menopause

Discover how to rebuild sexual confidence in perimenopause and after menopause with compassionate, somatic-based sex coaching and relationship therapy. Expert guidance for renewed intimacy and pleasure in London and online.

If you’re like me, you’ll have noticed that perimenopause is changing not just your body, but how you feel about intimacy too. Perhaps your libido isn't what it used to be, or physical changes have made sex uncomfortable. Maybe you're avoiding intimate moments altogether, feeling disconnected from the sensual, confident woman you once knew.

You're far from alone in this experience. As a certified sex coach and intimacy specialist working with women in London and globally through online sessions, I've walked alongside countless women as they move through this transition. What I've learned is this: menopause doesn't mean the end of satisfying intimacy—like every transition, it's often the beginning of something deeper, more authentic, and ultimately more fulfilling, even if it looks different from what it was before.

Let me share what's really happening in your body, heart and mind during this transition, and more importantly, how you can reclaim your sexual confidence with compassion and practical support.

Understanding Menopause and Your Changing Sexuality

Menopause is a profound biological shift that affects every aspect of your sexual wellbeing. The decline in estrogen and other hormones doesn't just trigger hot flashes—it fundamentally alters how your body responds to intimacy, how you experience desire, and how you perceive yourself as a sexual being.

This isn't about pathologizing a natural process. It's about acknowledging that this transition matters, and that struggling with it doesn't make you broken or lacking. Though it certainly can feel like it.

The Physical Reality: What's Happening in Your Body

Vaginal Dryness and Painful Intercourse

One of the most common yet rarely discussed challenges is vaginal atrophy—the thinning and drying of vaginal tissue caused by reduced estrogen. This can make penetrative sex genuinely painful, not just uncomfortable. And when sex hurts, your body and mind naturally begin to avoid it, creating a cycle that erodes intimacy and confidence.

The good news? This is entirely treatable. From high-quality lubricants and vaginal moisturizers to localized hormone therapy, there are numerous solutions we can consider together and that you can further explore with your doctor.

As a somatic-based coach, I help women reconnect with their bodies in ways that honor both pleasure and comfort. And embrace all of the different ways that you can get support in reclaiming confidence and pleasure in intimacy.

Low Libido and Hormonal Shifts

Many women experience a noticeable drop in sexual desire during perimenopause and menopause. Your libido might feel like it's disappeared entirely. This isn't a character flaw nor is it necessarily a relationship problem—it's a biological response to hormonal fluctuations, often compounded by fatigue, mood changes, and the stress of managing multiple life demands.

Understanding that low libido in women during menopause is common as it helps remove the shame. From there, we can explore what reignites your desire, whether that's through hormone support, lifestyle changes, or reimagining what intimacy looks like for you now.

Body Image and the Emotional Landscape

Menopause often brings visible changes—weight redistribution, skin elasticity, hair texture. These shifts can profoundly affect how you see yourself and, consequently, how comfortable you feel being intimate and vulnerable.

Body image struggles during peri after menopause are rarely just about appearance. They're about identity, about mourning one phase of life and learning to embrace the next. In my coaching practice, we work through these feelings with gentleness, helping you develop a relationship with your body that's rooted in appreciation rather than criticism.

The Psychological Impact: Anxiety, Shame, and Avoidance

Physical changes inevitably affect your emotional landscape. You might feel:

Anxiety before intimate moments, worrying about pain or whether you'll feel desire
Shame about your changing body or decreased libido
Grief for the spontaneous sexuality you once experienced
Fear that your partner will lose interest or patience

These feelings are valid and understandable. Overcoming sexual shame is a crucial part of rebuilding confidence, and it requires both self-compassion and often, professional support through sex and intimacy coaching.

Your Holistic Path to Renewed Sexual Confidence

Reclaiming your sexuality after menopause isn't about forcing yourself back to how things were. It's about discovering what pleasure, connection, and confidence look like in this new chapter of your life.

Addressing Physical Comfort First

Solutions for Vaginal Dryness and Pain

Don't resign yourself to painful sex. There are effective ways to ease it:

Lubricants: There are many options that provide longer-lasting comfort
Vaginal moisturizers: Used regularly (not just during sex) to restore tissue health
Localized estrogen therapy: Creams or tablets that address atrophy directly
Pelvic floor physiotherapy: Strengthening these muscles improves sensation and reduces discomfort. I personally work with the jade egg to improve strength whilst building a renewed body-mind connection and sense of the sacred in my sexuality.

As your sexual wellbeing coach, I can help you navigate these options and connect you with trusted healthcare providers who understand the full picture of medical support for menopausal sexuality.

Exploring New Expressions of Intimacy

This is your invitation to expand your definition of sex and pleasure. Perhaps penetration was central before—what if you explored:

Extended sensual touch and massage
Non-goal-oriented pleasure focused on sensation
Sacred sexuality practices that emphasize energy and connection
Different positions or activities that feel more comfortable

This isn't about settling for less. It's about discovering forms of intimacy that might actually be more satisfying and authentic to who you are now.

Nurturing Your Emotional and Relational Wellbeing

Opening Communication with Your Partner

If you're in a relationship, learning how to talk about sex openly can transform not just your intimate life, but your entire connection. Many couples I work with in couples therapy and intimacy coaching discover that menopause, while challenging, becomes a catalyst for deeper honesty and creativity in their relationship.

Conversations might include:

Sharing what physical sensations feel good now
Expressing fears or insecurities without judgment
Exploring each other's evolving desires
Addressing mismatched libido with compassion and collaboration

For couples navigating mismatched libido—where one partner wants more sex than the other—this requires particular care and often benefits from professional couples sex therapy and coaching to find solutions that honor both partners' needs.

Challenging Internalized Shame and Negative Self-Talk

The messages we've internalized about aging, desirability, and female sexuality often become loudest during menopause. My approach to sexual confidence through coaching helps you identify and challenge these beliefs, replacing them with a more compassionate, accurate narrative about your worth and desirability.

You are not less valuable, less sexy, or less worthy of pleasure because of menopause. Rather, your wisdom deepens as you transition into the years of the sage should you choose to embrace it.

Mindfulness, Embodiment, and Self-Compassion

Somatic-based coaching techniques help you:

Stay present during intimate moments rather than spiraling into anxious thoughts
Reconnect with bodily sensations and pleasure signals
Develop self-compassion during this significant life transition
Access your body's wisdom about what feels good and right and learn to trust it

The practices that I teach for these aren't abstract theory—they're practical tools and skills that you can develop to shift how you experience yourself and intimacy.

When to Seek Professional Support

Sometimes rebuilding sexual confidence requires guidance beyond what you can do alone or with a supportive partner. That's not weakness—it's wisdom.

How Sex Coaching and Therapy Can Help

As a certified sex coach specializing in women's sexual wellbeing, conscious intimate relationships, and trauma-informed approaches, I provide:

Safe, confidential space to explore your concerns without judgment
Practical strategies tailored to your unique situation and goals
Somatic exercises to reconnect with pleasure and desire
Communication frameworks for talking with partners about sex
Support for specific concerns like low libido, painful sex, or body image struggles

Whether you're dealing with anxiety around sex, shifts in your relationship or simply want to enhance your sexual wellbeing during this transition, specialized coaching can be transformative.

Working Together: In London and Online Worldwide

I offer both in-person sex therapy in London and online sex coaching via Zoom for clients globally. The benefit of online sessions is accessibility and comfort—many women find it easier to discuss intimate matters from their own homes.

My approach integrates:

Trauma-informed care that honors your history and healing
Sacred sexuality principles that view intimacy as a holistic, spiritual experience
Evidence-based interventions for specific concerns like low libido or painful sex
Relationship coaching that strengthens connection alongside individual wellbeing

Your Next Step Toward Sexual Confidence

Rebuilding your sexual confidence after menopause is both possible and profoundly rewarding. This journey involves honoring your body's changes, nurturing your emotional landscape, reimagining intimacy, and seeking support when you need it.

Your sexuality doesn't end with menopause—it evolves. And with the right guidance and self-compassion, it can become richer, more authentic, and more satisfying than you might imagine.

If you're ready to explore how sex and intimacy coaching can support you in reclaiming your sexual confidence and deepening your intimate relationships, I invite you to take the next step.

Book a complimentary, confidential consultation to discuss how we can work together, or learn more about my coaching approach and what to expect from our sessions.

You deserve pleasure, connection, and confidence in your intimate life—at every stage.

Andrea Balboni 10/9/25 Andrea Balboni 10/9/25

How to talk about sex in early stage dating

The biggest mistake I see people make (and that I made myself) when it comes to dating, is avoiding the very conversation that could lead to deeper, more meaningful connection, better sex in the short and long run, and fewer regrets overall.

And that conversation is quite simply: Talking about sex

I get it, talking about getting it on in the bedroom (or any other room for that matter) can feel awkward, clinical, or even risky.

“But Andrea, what if I scare them off? What if they think I’m “too much”? Aren’t I being too much? It feels like too much”, I hear you say in worried tones.

But here’s the truth: The relationships that thrive are the ones where people dare to have these conversations anyway. And early on.

And here’s what happens when we avoid these talks:

We end up with misaligned expectations (one person wants casual sex and an easy, open relationship whilst in the early dating stage, the other wants more commitment and monogamy – from the start).
We fake enjoyment and pretend readiness or suppress our need to take things more slowly – just to keep the peace.
We miss out on the chance to build real intimacy—the kind that comes from being seen and heard, understood and acknowledged, and respected and accepted for who we are and where we’re at.

That last one is a big one. A true game changer.

What to Do Instead

Talk About Sex Before You Have It

Waiting until you’re already in bed to discuss boundaries or STI status is like waiting until you’re on the plane to ask if the pilot is licensed.

And de-couple talking about sex (not necessarily a sexy conversation and it doesn’t have to be), to actually having it when you’re both ready (very sexy).

Discuss sex in a low-pressure setting, like at lunch or over afternoon coffee. Try: “I really love how open we’ve been so far. It would be great if we could open up a conversation about having sex when we’re both ready. How do you feel about that?”

Normalize the Awkwardness

Awkwardness isn’t a sign that something’s wrong—it’s a sign you’re being human. Lean into it with humor or vulnerability: “Okay, this might feel a little awkward, it certainly does to me, but it’s important to me. So I’d rather be awkward now than uncomfortable later.”

Prioritize Compatibility Over Chemistry

Chemistry is the spark, but compatibility is the fuel. Ask questions early on, like: “I’d love to learn more about you. What’s something you’ve learned about yourself from past relationships when it comes to sex or intimacy?”

Silence isn’t consent, and it isn’t communication. During and after sex, ask: “How does this feel for you?” or “Is there anything you’d want more or less of?”

Reject the “Cool Girl/Cool Guy” Myth

Stop pretending to be “chill” or “low-maintenance” about sex. Give yourself permission to have preferences—and to voice them.

Recovering people pleasers out there, this one is for us especially.

Why This Matters for You

At this stage in life, many of us are done with games, guesswork, and settling. We want relationships that feel authentic, passionate, and aligned. That starts with having the courage to speak up—about what we want, what we don’t, and what we need to feel safe and satisfied.

Sexual communication isn’t a test—it’s a skill. And like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

You don’t have to be perfect at it, you just have to do it.

Wax on. Wax off.

If you still struggle with talking about sex, let’s have a conversation about how I can help.

Andrea Balboni 4/24/25 Andrea Balboni 4/24/25

Is it Easier to Find Love Abroad?

As a certified sex and relationship coach, I often encounter individuals seeking love beyond their local boundaries. In this post, I delve into the intricacies of finding and nurturing a romantic relationship with someone from a different part of the country. Whether you're curious about the challenges of long-distance love or eager to explore the unique benefits of broadening your romantic horizons, this post is for you.

As a certified sex and relationship coach who met her own partner whilst living outside of her country of birth, I often hear people recount stories of how love beyond their local boundaries feels like it might be easier to find.

In this post, I delve into the intricacies of finding and nurturing a romantic relationship with someone from a different part of the country – or the world. There are some challenges to love over distances as much as there are unique benefits to broadening your romantic horizons.

Here are five crucial questions I answer to help guide you through the journey of finding love across the miles.

Why might moving to a new place make it easier to find and form a romantic relationship?

In new environments, people typically become more open to connection as they often have to build their social networks from scratch. This openness often leads to greater willingness to initiate conversations and accept invitations, creating more opportunities for romantic connections than might have existed in familiar surroundings where routines and social circles are well-established.

The necessity of meeting new people can push us beyond our comfort zones in healthy ways.

Additionally, being in a new place often coincides with personal growth and clarity about what we truly want our lives to look like, including our relationships, making us more intentional when considering who to date.

What factors might explain why people are attracted to partners from different places or backgrounds?

The unfamiliar aspects of someone from a different place can create an exciting sense of discovery and adventure—this may be why we find accents or cultural differences attractive.

Beyond novelty, there's something deeply compelling about connecting with someone who offers a completely different perspective on life. These relationships can broaden our worldview and challenge our assumptions. Many people find this intellectual and emotional expansion profoundly rewarding, as it facilitates personal growth while creating unique bonds based on mutual learning and exploration.

Additionally, relationships with people from different places sometimes allow individuals to explore facets of themselves that remain dormant in familiar environments—you may discover unknown aspects of your own personality when you experience yourself through their partner's cultural lens.

Do shared values become more intentional or emphasized when couples come from different places? And why?

When partners come from different places, shared values indeed tend to become more intentional and explicitly discussed.

This happens because differences in background make assumptions dangerous—couples can't rely on cultural shorthand or unspoken understandings. Instead, they must actively communicate about their values, priorities, and expectations, bringing these important elements to the surface much earlier in the relationship development process.

This deliberate process of value identification and negotiation often creates stronger foundations for relationships. Partners must work harder to find common ground, which requires meaningful conversations about what truly matters to each person. These discussions typically lead to greater clarity about compatibility on fundamental issues like family, money, religion, and lifestyle preferences. Without the cushion of assumed cultural similarity, couples develop deeper awareness of where they align and where compromise might be necessary.

The intentional approach to values frequently results in deeper mutual understanding and more conscious commitment to the principles that will guide their life together. Rather than defaulting to culturally prescribed patterns, these couples often create unique relationship structures that genuinely reflect both partners' needs and priorities. This conscious design process can lead to more authentic and personalized relationships than those that simply follow conventional scripts. Additionally, having worked through value differences early on, these couples often develop stronger conflict resolution skills that serve them throughout their relationship.

How can geographical or cultural differences between partners improve a romantic relationship?

Geographic and cultural differences can enhance romantic relationships by introducing complementary strengths and perspectives. Partners from different backgrounds often bring unique problem-solving approaches, which can make a couple more adaptable and resilient when facing challenges. What one partner might find insurmountable based on their background, the other might approach with confidence—creating balanced capabilities that strengthen the relationship's foundation.

Cultural differences also prevent relationships from becoming stagnant—there's always something new to learn about your partner's background, traditions, or worldview. This ongoing cultural exchange keeps curiosity and respect alive within the relationship, counteracting the familiarity that sometimes leads to taking each other for granted. Partners often report a deeper appreciation for each other's uniqueness and a richer relationship experience through continuous discovery of cultural nuances.

These differences often necessitate stronger communication skills as couples work to bridge gaps in understanding, which benefits the relationship far beyond cultural matters. Partners develop heightened sensitivity to potential misunderstandings and greater patience in explaining perspectives. This enhanced communication typically extends to all aspects of the relationship, creating patterns of clearer expression, more attentive listening, and more thoughtful responses than might develop in relationships where cultural understanding is taken for granted. Consequently, these couples often report feeling more deeply understood despite—or perhaps because of—their different origins.

What are some of the key advantages of being in a relationship with someone from a different part of the country—or even a different country altogether?

Cross-regional or international relationships frequently benefit from expanded social networks that span different communities or countries, creating rich social resources and potential safety nets. These extended connections offer diverse perspectives, support systems, and opportunities that can enhance the couple's life together. The relationship becomes a bridge between worlds, often allowing both partners to access resources, insights, and experiences they wouldn't have encountered independently.

Partners in these relationships often develop greater adaptability and resilience as they navigate cultural differences and potentially complex logistics. Successfully managing these challenges builds confidence and problem-solving skills that benefit all aspects of life. Many couples report that having overcome significant obstacles like immigration processes, language barriers, or cultural misunderstandings gives them confidence that they can handle whatever life throws their way, creating a powerful sense of team solidarity.

There's also something profoundly enriching about celebrating multiple sets of traditions and holidays, creating a unique family culture that honors both backgrounds. These relationships often develop beautiful hybrid traditions that become meaningful touchpoints in the couple's shared life. Perhaps most significantly, these relationships tend to foster growth-oriented mindsets—partners learn to appreciate different perspectives, develop greater empathy, and often become more open-minded.

The relationship itself becomes a journey of continuous learning and personal development, as both individuals expand their understanding of the world through their partner's eyes.

I have found this to be true for myself. And as I continue to deepen into my relationship with my partner who is from a different country and culture, I find myself enriched by our varied experience.

If you are navigating love across boarders or cultures and would like some support, contact me and I’ll share with you how coaching with me can help.

Andrea Balboni 4/3/25 Andrea Balboni 4/3/25

Clearing Ritual for Healing Heartbreak – Feed your ex to a reptile

Heal from Heartbreak by listening to this clearing ritual to get that ex right out of your system so you can move on to a new beginning and to a healthy relationship that is meant for you.

In a recent conversation with Kelly Hinch on BBC Sounds, I shared that it's actually healthy to feed your ex to a reptile, metaphorically speaking , of course. Listen in on the conversation here (skip to 2:47:45 to fast track to my segment).

All this to help you heal from heartbreak. But can it work? Give it a go yourself by listening in on this audio guided meditation below on how to feed your ex to a reptile and heal from heartbreak.

Note: this recording was made in collab with my AI companion so that I could deliver it to you quickly and easily for free. Do pause the recording between each Step so that you can fully complete it before moving on to the next.

FYI Twycross Zoo in the UK is testing this IRL by giving one heartbroken human the chance to feed their ex, in the form of a bug, to a reptile at the opening of a new animal habitat: Close Encounters - The World of Reptiles and Spiders. How exciting!

The Five Step Ritual to Healing from Heartbreak

Step 1

Recall your ex and notice all that stuck stuff inside you, from the memories to the emotions to the physical sensations that go along with it all.

Step 2

Imagine all of this stuff moving outside of your body and into the body of a delicious little insect that the reptile of your choice might enjoy for lunch (my choice is a panther chameleon).

Step 3

Imagine feeding this insect to your chosen reptile. Know that all of that stuff that you've just cleared is simply energy. And that as a food source for your reptile it will be recycled and made into something nourishing.

Step 4

Voila! You've just practiced energy alchemy. Notice how you feel in your body. When I teach a similar ritual to clients who are struggling with heartbreak, they tell me they feel lighter and more free afterwards. If this is you too, you've become an energy alchemist – you've transformed negative energy into something positive and good.

Step 5

Fill up with the good stuff. Imagine fresh new light, crystal clear, high vibe energy enter into the spaces you've cleared within you.

You are whole, you are healed, you are complete.

The truth is that it does work

When we experience relationship transitions and breakups, we often carry emotional residue that gets stuck in our bodies and can impede healing, moving on and making future connections that might be more right for us.

In my personal and professional practice, I've experienced how guided visualization and symbolic actions can help clients heal from heartbreak and:

🦎 Process complex emotions in a structured way
🦎 Create definitive closure points
🦎 Transform negative energy into positive potential
🦎 Open space for new relationships and experiences

The metaphorical act of releasing what no longer serves us allows space for new growth and opportunities.

How have you navigated breakups and heartbreak? Comment below.

And if you're still stuck, contact me and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you move forward.

Andrea Balboni 2/18/25 Andrea Balboni 2/18/25

What Are the Ethical Issues in Sex Coaching?

As a certified sex and relationships coach, one of the most critical aspects of our work involves maintaining clear ethical boundaries while helping clients with intimate concerns. Let's explore the key ethical considerations that shape responsible sex therapy and coaching practice.

Professional Boundaries and Dual Relationships

Professional boundaries require exceptional attention in sex therapy and coaching. Unlike other forms of counseling, discussing intimate topics can create additional vulnerability for both client and therapist. Maintaining strict professional boundaries helps ensure client safety and therapeutic effectiveness.

Informed Consent and Client Autonomy

Informed consent and client autonomy are fundamental to ethical practice. Clients must fully understand the nature, scope, and limitations of sex therapy and coaching before the work begins. This includes being transparent about treatment methods and goals, confidentiality limits, professional qualifications, alternative treatment options, and financial arrangements.

Cultural Competency and Respect

Sex therapists and coaches must develop cultural competency to work effectively with clients from diverse backgrounds. This includes understanding how different cultural, religious, and social contexts shape attitudes toward sexuality.

Imposing personal values or making assumptions about "normal" sexual behavior can harm the therapeutic relationship. Oftentimes this is an ongoing process of learning and understanding as awareness builds.

Confidentiality in the Digital Age

With the rise of online services, protecting client privacy has become increasingly complex. Sex therapists and coaches must implement robust security measures for video sessions, digital communication, and payment processing. These measures ensure client confidentiality in an increasingly digital therapeutic and coaching environment.

Partner and Relationship Dynamics

When working with couples, sex therapists and coaches face unique challenges in maintaining neutrality, managing power dynamics, addressing individual versus relationship goals, and handling disclosures that affect both partners. These situations require careful navigation and clear protocols which experienced, certified professionals are trained in navigating.

Professional Competency and Referral Networks

Professional competency demands that sex therapists and coaches know their limitations and scope of practice, maintain current knowledge of sexual health, develop strong referral networks for medical issues and know when to refer on, and pursue ongoing education and supervision.

This commitment to professional development ensures the highest quality of care for clients.

Conversations with other sex coaches, therapists and professionals on my podcast, Lush Love, is one of my favourite ways to stay current with what is emerging in the field.

Addressing Sexual Trauma

Working with clients who have experienced sexual trauma requires specialized training, trauma-informed approaches, and strong referral relationships with mental health professionals. This work requires particular sensitivity and expertise to ensure client safety and healing.

Financial Ethics

Financial ethics are equally important in sex therapy and coaching practice. Practitioners must maintain transparent financial practices, including clear fee structures, cancellation policies, and avoid any form of financial exploitation.

This transparency builds trust and ensures professional integrity.

Conclusion

Ethical sex therapy and coaching requires constant attention to professional boundaries, client welfare, and competent practice. By maintaining high ethical standards, sex therapists and coaches create safe spaces for clients to address intimate concerns and work toward healthy sexuality. This dedication to ethical practice ultimately serves both the profession and the clients who seek our help.

As a certified sex, love and relationships coach, I’d love to share with you how I can support you.

Book a consulation call with me or send me a message and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you.

Andrea Balboni 2/18/25 Andrea Balboni 2/18/25

Top Mistakes to Avoid When Choosing a Sex Therapist or Coach

As a certified sex and relationships coach with years of experience helping clients navigate their intimate lives, I've seen how transformative working with the right sex therapist or coach can be - and how challenging finding the right fit can be.

Let's explore the key mistakes to avoid during your search for a qualified sex therapist or coaching professional.

Not Verifying Credentials and Certification

One of the most crucial mistakes is working with an uncertified practitioner. Licensed sex therapists or certified coaches should have specific training in sexual health and relationships. Always verify their credentials and ensure they're licensed to practice in your country or state.

Ignoring Your Comfort Level

While discussing intimate matters can feel uncomfortable at first, you should feel relatively at ease with your therapist or coach’s communication style and approach.

Pay attention to how they respond during the initial consultation. Do they create a non-judgmental space? Are they respectful of your boundaries? Your comfort is paramount for successful therapy or coaching.

Choosing Based on Price Alone

While budget matters, selecting a sex therapist or coach solely based on their fees can be counterproductive. The least expensive option isn't always the best value.

Consider the therapist or coach’s experience, specialization, and approach. Many offer sliding scale fees or payment plans - don't be afraid to discuss financial arrangements.

Not Checking Their Specialization

Sex therapy and coaching cover a wide range of concerns - from intimacy issues to sexual dysfunction, trauma recovery, and gender identity exploration.

Ensure your therapist or coach has experience with your specific concerns. A general sex therapist or coach may not be the best fit if you need help with a specialized issue.

Overlooking Location and Availability

Consider practical aspects like scheduling flexibility and time zone or location. Virtual sessions are increasingly common and have benefits, as are hybrid options (some in-person sessions and some virtual ones), however it’s best to ensure you're comfortable with the format offered.

Also check their availability - having to wait weeks between sessions might not be ideal for your needs.

Disregarding Cultural Competency

Your therapist or coach should understand and respect your cultural background, religious beliefs, and value system. Cultural competency is essential for effective therapy and coaching. Don't hesitate to ask about their experience working with clients from your cultural background.

Rushing the Decision

Take time to research and possibly consult with multiple therapists or coaches before making a choice. Many like me, offer initial consultations - use these to ask questions about their approach, experience, and treatment methods. Think of it as interviewing them for an important role in your personal growth journey.

Not Discussing Treatment Goals

A common oversight is failing to discuss specific treatment goals and expected timeframes. While therapy and coaching aren’t always linear, having clear objectives and understanding the therapeutic approach helps set realistic expectations and measure progress.

Remember, finding the right sex therapist or coach is an investment in your sexual health and overall wellbeing. Take time to make an informed decision, trust your instincts, and don't settle for a therapist who doesn't meet your needs. The right therapeutic relationship can be transformative in helping you achieve your intimate health goals.

As a certified sex, love and relationships coach, I’d love to share with you how I can support you.

Book a consulation call with me or send me a message and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you.

Andrea Balboni 2/18/25 Andrea Balboni 2/18/25

The Pros and Cons of Online vs. Face-to-Face Sex Coaching

As a certified sex and relationships coach, I'm often asked about the differences between online and traditional face-to-face sex therapy and coaching. Let's explore the advantages and disadvantages of both to help you make an informed decision about what’s best for you.

The Benefits of Online Sex Therapy and Coaching

Online sex therapy and coaching offer several significant benefits. Many clients find that discussing intimate matters from their own space helps them feel more relaxed and open. You can engage in therapy and coaching sessions from your bedroom or private office, eliminating the anxiety of travel or visiting an unfamiliar office.

Online sex therapy and coaching also breaks down geographical barriers, allowing you to connect with specialized therapists and coaches regardless of your location.

Virtual sessions often offer more flexible scheduling options, making it easier to fit therapy or coaching into your busy life. Many online therapists and coaches provide evening appointments that might not be available in traditional settings.

Additionally, without the overhead of maintaining an office space, online therapy and coaching can be more affordable. You'll also save money on transportation and time spent commuting.

The Advantages of Face-to-Face Sex Therapy and Coaching

Face-to-face sex therapy and coaching also presents distinct advantages. In-person sessions allow for more nuanced non-verbal communication and can help build trust more quickly. Your therapist or coach can pick up on subtle body language cues that might be missed in virtual sessions.

Physical therapy and coaching offices provide a designated environment free from home distractions, which can help clients maintain better boundaries and focus.

Unlike online sessions, in-person therapy and coaching don’t depend on internet connectivity or technology working properly. There's no risk of dropped connections or audio issues interrupting important conversations.

For couples therapy, coaching or group sessions, face-to-face interactions can feel more natural and allow for better observation of relationship dynamics.

Important Considerations for Both Options

When considering either option, it's essential to ensure your therapist or coach is properly certified and experienced in sex therapy or coaching. Look for credentials from recognized organizations and check their specialization areas.

When choosing between online and in-person therapy or coaching, consider your personal circumstances, including your access to reliable internet, comfort with technology, privacy needs at home, transportation constraints, scheduling requirements, and budget constraints.

The Future of Sex Therapy and Coaching

The field of sex therapy and coaching is evolving to embrace both modalities, with many therapists and coaches like me offering hybrid options.

Some clients begin with online sessions and transition to in-person therapy or coaching, or vice versa, depending on their needs and progress.

Conclusion

Both online and face-to-face sex therapy and coaching can be highly effective when matched with the right client needs. The best choice depends on your personal circumstances, comfort level, and therapeutic goals.

Many clients find success with either approach, and some benefit from combining both methods.

Remember, taking the first step toward seeking help is what matters most. Whether you choose online or in-person therapy or coaching, you're making a positive choice for your sexual health and wellbeing.

As a certified sex, love and relationships coach, I’d love to share with you how I can support you.

Book a consulation call with me or send me a message and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you.

Andrea Balboni 2/18/25 Andrea Balboni 2/18/25

Modern Approaches to Sex Coaching

Sex therapy and coaching have evolved significantly in recent years, embracing evidence-based practices and holistic approaches to help individuals and couples navigate intimate challenges.

As a certified sex and relationship coach, I've witnessed firsthand how modern therapeutic techniques can transform lives and relationships. Let's explore the contemporary landscape of sex therapy and coaching and its innovative approaches.

Understanding Modern Sex Therapy and Coaching

Sex therapy and coaching today is far more comprehensive than many people realize. It's a specialized form of coaching or therapy that addresses physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of sexual health and intimacy. It often spans relationships, helping individuals, couples and those in open relationships navigate the complexity of coming together intimately.

Modern practitioners like myself integrate various therapeutic modalities to create personalized treatment plans for their clients.

Key Components of Contemporary Sex Therapy and Coaching

Mindfulness-Based Approaches

Mindfulness has revolutionized sex therapy and coaching by helping clients develop present-moment awareness. This approach helps individuals reduce performance anxiety, increase pleasure and expand bliss states, enhance bodily awareness, improve intimate communication, and deepen sexual connection to oneself and another.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Sexual Concerns

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) remains a cornerstone of modern sex therapy and coaching, helping clients identify and modify unhelpful thoughts and behaviors related to sexuality. This evidence-based approach effectively addresses performance anxiety, body image concerns, sexual confidence issues, and intimacy-related anxiety.

Trauma-informed Approaches: Somatic Experiencing

Somatic Experiencing provides a body-centered approach that helps clients reconnect with their physical sensations and process any trauma or tension that may be affecting their sexual experiences. Somatic work can be particularly beneficial for building sexual confidence, developing body awareness, healing from sexual trauma, overcoming physical tensions, and creating space for pleasure.

Trauma-informed Approaches: Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Internal Family Systems offers a transformative approach to sex therapy by recognizing the multiple "parts" within an individual's psyche. This method helps clients understand and heal internal conflicts, address sexual shame, integrate past experiences, and develop a more compassionate relationship with their sexuality. By exploring and harmonizing different internal perspectives, IFS enables deeper self-understanding and more authentic sexual expression.

Holistic Wellness Integration

Holistic wellness integration recognizes sexuality as an interconnected aspect of overall well-being. This approach emphasizes the complex interplay between physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual dimensions of sexual health. By addressing lifestyle factors, nutrition, stress management, relationship dynamics, and personal wellness, holistic sex therapy creates a comprehensive framework for sexual healing, personal growth, and intimate fulfillment.

Energy Work

Energy work in sex therapy explores the subtle energetic dimensions of sexuality, drawing from practices like tantra, taoism, and somatic energy techniques. This approach helps clients understand and manipulate sexual energy, release energetic blockages, enhance bodily awareness, and cultivate more profound states of sexual connection and pleasure. By working with subtle energy systems, clients can transform sexual experiences, heal past traumas, and unlock deeper levels of intimacy and sensual awareness.

Technology in Modern Sex Therapy and Coaching

The digital age has transformed how we approach sex therapy and coaching. Modern practitioners often incorporate video sessions for improved accessibility, apps for tracking progress and maintaining accountability, online resources and educational materials, and virtual support groups.

Relationship-Focused Integration

Modern sex therapy and coaching recognize that sexual concerns often exist within a broader relationship context. Contemporary approaches integrate partner communication exercises, emotional intimacy building, conflict resolution strategies, and attachment theory principles.

Cultural Competency and Inclusivity

Today's sex therapy and coaching embrace diversity and cultural sensitivity. Modern approaches emphasize LGBTQ+ affirming practices, cultural awareness and sensitivity, recognition of diverse relationship structures, and age-appropriate interventions across the lifespan.

The Role of Education

Education plays a significant role in modern sex therapy and coaching, with emphasis on evidence-based sexual health information, anatomical education, relationship skills training, and communication workshops.

Measuring Progress

Contemporary approaches incorporate structured assessment and progress tracking through regular check-ins and evaluations, goal-setting and milestone tracking, feedback-informed treatment, and outcome measurements.

Looking Forward

The field of sex therapy and coaching continue to evolve with new research and understanding. Emerging areas include integration of neuroscience findings.

Conclusion

Modern sex therapy and coaching offer a sophisticated, evidence-based approach to addressing sexual concerns. By combining traditional therapeutic techniques with contemporary innovations, practitioners can provide more effective, accessible, and inclusive support for individuals and couples seeking to improve their intimate lives.

Whether you're dealing with specific sexual concerns or seeking to enhance your intimate relationships, modern sex therapy and coaching offer various tools and approaches to help you achieve your goals. Remember that seeking support is a sign of strength and commitment to your well-being.

As a certified sex, love and relationships coach, I’d love to share with you how I can support you.

Book a consulation call with me or send me a message and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you.

Andrea Balboni 2/18/25 Andrea Balboni 2/18/25

Sex Coaching vs. Couples Coaching: Which Is Right for You?

When couples face challenges in their relationship, seeking professional help is a courageous and proactive step. Two common therapeutic approaches — sex therapy or coaching and couples therapy or coaching — offer distinct yet often complementary paths to healing and growth. Let's explore the key differences and help you determine which option might best suit your needs.

Understanding Sex Therapy / Coaching

Sex therapy and sex coaching are specialized and focus not only on the relationship itself, but also encompasses sexual concerns, intimacy issues, and physical relationships.

A certified sex therapist or sex coach has advanced training in addressing various concerns, including challenges in sex, in experiencing pleasure, and performance concerns, mismatched libidos or desire discrepancies, anxiety around intimacy and sex, communication challenges about sex, past sexual trauma or negative experiences, and body image issues affecting sexual relationships.

Despite common misconceptions, sex therapy and sex coaching almost never involves physical contact between therapist or coach and client. Instead, it combines talk therapy or coaching, evidence-based embodiment practices and specific exercises couples can practice at home, and educational resources.

Understanding Couples Therapy / Coaching

Couples therapy or coaching, also known as marriage counseling or relationship counseling, takes a broader approach to relationship dynamics and doesn't always encompass sex and sexuality.

A couples therapist or coach helps partners navigate various aspects of their relationship, including communication breakdowns, trust and commitment issues, conflict resolution, financial disagreements, parenting challenges, life transitions and growing apart, extended family dynamics, and emotional intimacy concerns.

As a sex, love and relationships coach, my work is unique in that it encompasses both that of sex therapy / coaching and also relationships therapy / coaching. We’ll work with all aspects you and your relationship.

Which Option Is Right for You?

Consider sex therapy or coaching if your primary concerns center around physical intimacy, sexual function or pleasure, or sexual communication. Whether you're comfortable directly discussing sexual topics or not, you can seek support for specific solutions for sexual challenges.

Consider couples therapy or coaching if your challenges extend beyond the bedroom into daily communication, trust, or general relationship patterns, and you're looking to strengthen your overall emotional connection and relationship foundation.

Whether you’re in need of support with sex and intimacy challenges or relational ones, I can support you.

Book a consulation call with me or send me a message and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you.

The Overlap and Integration

Many couples find that sexual and emotional issues are intertwined. Poor communication might manifest as bedroom challenges, while sexual difficulties can strain emotional bonds. I am trained and experienced in both modalities and can offer an integrated approach.

Making Your Decision

Start by having an honest conversation with your partner about your concerns. Many couples begin with one type of approach and later transition to or incorporate the other as needed. A therapist or coach trained and skilled in both will design an approach that is based on your immediate and long-term needs and desires.

Remember that all approaches provide confidential, judgment-free spaces, require commitment from both partners, and can be short-term or long-term depending on your needs.

The most important factor is finding a qualified professional who makes both partners feel comfortable and understood. Consider scheduling initial consultations with different therapists or coaches to determine the best fit for your situation.

Take Action

Whether you choose sex therapy, couples therapy, or a coach or therapist trained in both, taking the first step toward professional support shows commitment to your relationship's growth.

Many couples find that seeking help earlier rather than later leads to better outcomes and stronger connections. Contact certified professionals like me to learn more about how they work and how they might support your relationship journey.

Remember, investing in your relationship's health is investing in your overall wellbeing and future together.

As a certified sex, love and relationships coach, I’d love to share with you how I can support you.

Book a consulation call with me or send me a message and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you.