What Really Happens in Your First Session with a Sex Coach

You’re considering reaching out to a sex coach. Maybe you've been thinking about it for months, or perhaps a recent experience pushed you to finally take action and have a consultation call. You might be feeling a mixture of relief, nervousness, and uncertainty. And if you’re like me, nameless fear as you wonder what to expect. 

What will we talk about? Will I have to share embarrassing details? What if I freeze up and can't explain what I need? Will they judge me?

These questions are completely normal. As a certified sex and intimacy coach working with individuals and couples in London and globally through online sessions, I've sat across from hundreds of people in that first session. I understand the vulnerability it takes to show up and talk about something so personal, tender and meaningful.

So let me walk you through exactly what happens in that first session—and more importantly, help you understand why taking this step is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sexual wellbeing and intimate relationships.

Understanding Sex Coaching: What It Is (And What It Isn't)

Before we dive into what your first session looks like, let's clarify what sex coaching actually involves.

As a therapeutic sex coach who is trauma-informed, I work with sensitive issues whilst holding a focus on moving you forward. 

Sex coaching builds self-awareness, self-compassion and relational intelligence whilst also taking an educational, skill-building, and empowerment-focused approach that helps you enhance your sexual wellbeing, develop new practices, and achieve specific goals around intimacy. 

That said, these approaches often overlap and complement each other beautifully. Many of my clients work with both a therapist (for past trauma or mental health) and a sex coach (for practical skill-building and intimate relationship enhancement).

Unlike a licensed sex therapist, I do not diagnose and treat medical conditions affecting sexuality.

What Does a Certified Sex Coach Actually Do?

As a certified sex coach specializing in complex relational dynamics and somatic-based approaches to intimacy, I help clients with:

• Low libido in women and men: Understanding what's blocking desire and finding pathways back to it

• Performance anxiety in men: Addressing erectile concerns, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or pressure to perform

• Mismatched libido in couples: Creating solutions when partners want different frequencies of intimacy

• Sexual confidence: Rebuilding your sense of yourself as a sexual being after life changes, trauma, or relationship challenges

• Communication about sex: Learning how to express desires, boundaries, and needs effectively

• Conscious intimate relationships: Developing deeper connection through sacred sexuality and mindful presence

• Painful sex: Exploring physical, emotional, mental and relational factors contributing to discomfort

• Sexual shame: Unraveling cultural, religious, familial or personal messages that limit your pleasure

• Intimacy after trauma: Trauma-informed approaches to reclaiming sexuality safely

The common thread? I help you understand your unique sexual landscape and develop practical skills to create the intimate life you want.

What Actually Happens in Your First Sex Coaching Session

Your first session typically lasts 75-90 minutes (sometimes longer than subsequent sessions) because we're laying important groundwork. Here's what you can expect:

Creating Safety and Confidentiality

The very first thing I do is establish the parameters of our work together—and most importantly, assure you that everything you share is completely confidential. This isn't just a nice sentiment; it's legally protected and ethically fundamental to my practice.

I want you to understand that:

• Nothing you say will shock me: I've heard it all, and my role is to create a judgment-free space

• You control what you share: You never have to disclose anything you're uncomfortable discussing

• We move at your pace: If something feels too vulnerable, we can slow down or approach it differently

• This is your session: You're in charge of what we focus on

Many clients tell me that simply feeling this safety allows them to relax in ways they haven't in years. For those who struggle with how to talk about sex in a relationship or have internalized shame around their sexuality, this non-judgmental space can be genuinely transformative.

Getting to Know You: Your Story and Context

I'll invite you to share what brought you to sex coaching. This might include:

Your current concerns: Are you experiencing low libido? Performance anxiety? Pain during sex? Feeling disconnected from your partner? Struggling with desire?

Your relationship context: Are you in a committed relationship, dating, single and wanting to prepare for future intimacy, or exploring your sexuality independently?

Relevant background: While we don't dive deep into trauma history in the first session, understanding key experiences that shape your current sexuality helps me support you appropriately. As a trauma-informed coach, I'm trained to hold space for these experiences safely.

What you've already tried: Have you read books, tried apps, talked with friends, seen a talk therapist? Understanding what hasn't worked helps us avoid repeating those paths.

Your life context: Work stress, parenting demands, health conditions, cultural or religious background—all these factors influence your sexual wellbeing and intimacy.

Here's what's important: I'm listening for patterns, not judging your story. I'm noticing what lights you up when you talk about it, where shame or anxiety appears, and what resources you already have that we can build on.

Clarifying Your Goals and Desires

This is where we shift from understanding the problem to envisioning the solution. I'll ask questions like:

• What would your ideal intimate life look like?

• If we work together for three months and you feel our sessions were successful, what will have changed?

• What would you like to feel more of? (Desire, confidence, connection, pleasure, freedom, playfulness?)

• What would you like to feel less of? (Anxiety, shame, pressure, pain, disconnection?)

For some clients, goals are very specific: "I want to be able to have penetrative sex without pain" or "I want to overcome erectile anxiety." For others, they're more expansive: "I want to feel comfortable in my body during intimacy" or "I want to reconnect with my partner erotically."

Both types of goals are valuable. We'll work together to make them specific and achievable while honoring the bigger vision you have for your sexual wellbeing.

Understanding How We'll Work Together

I'll explain my approach to sex and intimacy coaching, which includes:

Somatic-based practices: Working with your body and nervous system, not just talking about sex intellectually. This might include breathwork, embodiment exercises, or mindfulness practices.

Trauma-informed care: If you have a history of sexual trauma or adverse experiences, our work will be paced carefully to avoid re-traumatization while helping you reclaim your sexuality.

Holistic perspective: We'll look at the whole picture—physical health, emotional wellbeing, relationship dynamics, stress, lifestyle, and spiritual connection (if relevant to you).

Practical tools: You'll leave most sessions with specific exercises, practices, or experiments to try between our meetings.

Sacred sexuality principles (if this resonates with you): Viewing intimacy as a pathway to deeper consciousness, connection, and energy cultivation.

I'll also explain logistics: session frequency (typically biweekly), how we communicate between sessions, what homework looks like, and how we'll track progress.

Initial Assessment and Next Steps

By the end of the first session, we'll have a preliminary roadmap. This might include:

Immediate areas of focus: What we'll work on first 

Practices to begin: Simple exercises you can start right away 

Resources: Books, articles, or tools that might support your journey 

Potential referrals: If you need medical evaluation (for pain or erectile issues) or psychological support, I'll recommend appropriate professionals 

Session plan: How often we'll meet and what to expect over the coming weeks

What We Won't Do in the First Session

It's also helpful to know what doesn't happen:

• No graphic demonstrations: Sex coaching is talk-based and educational; there's no physical touch or sexual activity

• No pressure to disclose everything: You share what feels right; there's no requirement to detail your entire sexual history

• No empty promises: While I'll give you some initial tools for some immediate results, but know that deep change takes time—I'm not promising quick fixes

• No judgment about your choices: Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, exploring kink, or have specific religious values, I respect your choices

Common Questions About First Sex Coaching Sessions

"Will I Have to Talk About Embarrassing Things?"

The things that feel most embarrassing to you are often exactly what need to be discussed—and they're likely not remotely embarrassing to me. Remember, this is my professional specialty. What feels shameful to you is probably something I've addressed with dozens of clients.

That said, you never have to share anything you're not ready to discuss. We can take an indirect approach to sensitive topics until you feel comfortable being more explicit.

"What If I Can't Articulate What's Wrong?"

Many clients come to me saying, "I don't know exactly what the problem is, I just know something's not right." That's completely fine. Part of my role is helping you develop language and clarity around your concerns. We'll explore finding a language for them together.

"Can My Partner Come to the First Session?"

This depends on your situation:

Couples sex coaching: If you're seeking support as a couple, yes—both partners typically attend from the beginning. We'll explore each person's perspective and find shared goals.

Individual coaching first: Sometimes one partner benefits from individual sessions initially, especially if there's personal shame, trauma, or confidence issues to address before involving their partner.

We can discuss what makes most sense for your unique situation during our initial consultation.

"How Will Online Sex Coaching Work?"

Many of my clients work with me via Zoom globally, and online sex coaching is remarkably effective. You'll be in a private, comfortable space (your home, office with door closed, car if needed). Video allows me to pick up on non-verbal cues while you remain in your own environment.

Benefits b  online coaching include:

• Accessing specialized support regardless of location

• Comfort of your own space

• Flexibility in scheduling

• Easier for couples with busy schedules or childcare challenges

"What If I Realize It's Not the Right Fit?"

Finding the right coach or therapist is crucial. If after the first session (or consultation) you don't feel we're a good match, that's valuable information. I'd rather you find someone who resonates with you than continue working with someone who doesn't feel right.

Part of the first session is assessing this mutual fit. Do you feel heard? Does my approach make sense to you? Do you feel hopeful that this could help?

Preparing for Your First Session

To make the most of your initial appointment:

Reflect beforehand on what you want to gain from sex coaching. Jot down notes if helpful.

Be honest about your concerns, even if they feel trivial or embarrassing. What seems small often isn't.

Prepare questions you have about the coaching process, my background, or my approach.

Ensure privacy if we're meeting online—find a space where you won't be interrupted or overheard.

Be gentle with yourself afterward. First sessions can bring up unexpected emotions. Plan something nurturing for after our call.

What Happens After the First Session

Following our initial meeting, you'll have clarity about:

• Whether sex coaching is the right approach for your concerns

• What our work together might look like over the coming weeks or months

• Specific initial practices or exercises to begin

• When we'll meet next and what we'll focus on

Most clients leave the first session feeling a mixture of relief (that they've finally addressed this), hope (that change is possible), and perhaps vulnerability (having opened up about sensitive topics). All of these are normal and healthy responses.

Is Sex Coaching Right for You?

Sex coaching can be valuable if you're experiencing:

✓ Persistent challenges with desire, arousal, or pleasure 

✓ Communication difficulties about sex with your partner 

✓ Sexual shame or anxiety limiting your intimate experiences

✓ Life transitions affecting your sexuality (menopause, parenthood, aging, illness) 

✓ Desire to deepen your intimate connection and explore new dimensions of sexuality 

✓ Performance concerns or confidence issues 

✓ Mismatched libido creating tension in your relationship 

✓ Recovery from sexual trauma and readiness to reclaim sexuality 

✓ Curiosity about conscious intimacy, sacred sexuality, or tantric practices

Sex coaching may not be appropriate if: 

✗ You're experiencing severe mental health crisis requiring immediate clinical intervention 

✗ You need medical diagnosis or treatment for sexual dysfunction (though I can refer you to appropriate providers) 

✗ You're not ready to actively engage in the process or implement practices between sessions

Your Journey Begins With One Conversation

Taking that first step to book a session with a sex coach requires courage. It means acknowledging that your intimate life matters enough to invest in it. It means being willing to be vulnerable about something our culture teaches us to keep private. It means choosing growth over resignation.

I want you to know: you don't have to navigate these challenges alone. Whether you're struggling with low libido, performance anxiety, communication about intimacy, painful sex, sexual shame, or simply want to enhance your already-satisfying intimate life—support is available.

As a certified sex and intimacy coach trained in somatic-based and trauma-informed approaches, I create a safe, compassionate space for exploring these deeply personal aspects of your life. Working with clients in London and globally through online sessions, I've witnessed countless individuals and couples transform their relationship with sexuality and intimacy.

Your first session is simply a conversation—one where you're finally heard, understood, and supported in creating the intimate life you deserve.

Book your complimentary consultation to explore whether sex coaching is right for you, or learn more about my approach to intimacy and relationship coaching.

The intimate life you desire is possible. Let's explore it together.

Clearing Ritual for Healing Heartbreak – Feed your ex to a reptile

In a recent conversation with Kelly Hinch on BBC Sounds, I shared that it's actually healthy to feed your ex to a reptile, metaphorically speaking , of course. Listen in on the conversation here (skip to 2:47:45 to fast track to my segment).

All this to help you heal from heartbreak. But can it work? Give it a go yourself by listening in on this audio guided meditation below on how to feed your ex to a reptile and heal from heartbreak.

Note: this recording was made in collab with my AI companion so that I could deliver it to you quickly and easily for free. Do pause the recording between each Step so that you can fully complete it before moving on to the next.

FYI Twycross Zoo in the UK is testing this IRL by giving one heartbroken human the chance to feed their ex, in the form of a bug, to a reptile at the opening of a new animal habitat: Close Encounters - The World of Reptiles and Spiders. How exciting!

The Five Step Ritual to Healing from Heartbreak

Step 1

Recall your ex and notice all that stuck stuff inside you, from the memories to the emotions to the physical sensations that go along with it all.

Step 2

Imagine all of this stuff moving outside of your body and into the body of a delicious little insect that the reptile of your choice might enjoy for lunch (my choice is a panther chameleon).

Step 3

Imagine feeding this insect to your chosen reptile. Know that all of that stuff that you've just cleared is simply energy. And that as a food source for your reptile it will be recycled and made into something nourishing.

Step 4

Voila! You've just practiced energy alchemy. Notice how you feel in your body. When I teach a similar ritual to clients who are struggling with heartbreak, they tell me they feel lighter and more free afterwards. If this is you too, you've become an energy alchemist – you've transformed negative energy into something positive and good.

Step 5

Fill up with the good stuff. Imagine fresh new light, crystal clear, high vibe energy enter into the spaces you've cleared within you.

You are whole, you are healed, you are complete.

---

The truth is that it does work

When we experience relationship transitions and breakups, we often carry emotional residue that gets stuck in our bodies and can impede healing, moving on and making future connections that might be more right for us.

In my personal and professional practice, I've experienced how guided visualization and symbolic actions can help clients heal from heartbreak and:

🦎 Process complex emotions in a structured way
🦎 Create definitive closure points
🦎 Transform negative energy into positive potential
🦎 Open space for new relationships and experiences

The metaphorical act of releasing what no longer serves us allows space for new growth and opportunities.

How have you navigated breakups and heartbreak? Comment below.

And if you're still stuck, contact me and we’ll talk about how coaching can help you move forward.

The Power of Hope vs Optimism in creating Healthy Relationships and Better Dating

When dating feels impossible or your long-term relationship is on the brink, the why and how of hanging in there when you just wanna quit

Hope depends not upon the outcome of circumstances, but the goodness of the cause, despite the consequences. -Vaslav Havel

I remember the deep doom and gloom and utter despair that would overcome me when year after year, date after date, swipe after swipe I was left feeling disappointed in the search for love and meaningful partnership.

I would wonder to myself, was it all really worth it?

I now work with single people and also with couples who ask themselves the same thing - is it really worth it for me to stay in this relationship or continue to date when year after year, month after month, day after day, I have to put up with the same thing? 

How can we remain optimistic when we’re disappointed time and again by love? 

And how can we actually harbour hope that things will be different when we feel stuck in the same patterns? 

I love Vaslav Havel’s definition of hope – it’s not the confidence and conviction that something will turn out well (that’s optimism), but the certainty that something is worth doing no matter how it turns out. This is hope. 

In dating and relationships, that ‘doing’ is becoming aware of what is holding you back from finding love or having the relationship that you want. And then developing the tools and skills needed to move you forward. 

This process of healing, growth and empowerment is worth doing. Regardless of the outcome that we desire or expect.

In truth, we need both optimism and hope to stay steady with ‘the work’ of finding and keeping love.

Here’s what that looks like.

Optimism vs Hope in love and relationships

Optimism helps you to maintain a positive attitude and keep you open to opportunities to meet someone new or to be with the person you’re with in whole new ways. 

Hope can coexist with uncertainty and the fear and anxiety this can bring about the future – you don’t have be in a 100% feel-good mood to hold hope.

Optimism can sometimes lead to bypassing or overlooking potential obstacles which may need to be addressed in order for healing and growth to happen.

Hope acknowledges challenges but maintains a belief in the possibility of overcoming them.

An optimistic dater might think, "Dating is fun and I'll find someone great" without any specific reasons why this might be true.

A hopeful dater might think, "This person seems compatible with me based on our shared interests" or "Our last date went well, so I hope the next one will be even better."

Optimism in a relationship might create a positive vibe but may not always lead to proactive relationship repair and maintenance.

Hope in a relationship would motivate partners to work on specific issues, plan for the future, or make changes to improve the relationship.

An optimistic dater might be present on dating apps or social scenes without actually taking the action necessary to bring anything to fruition.

A hopeful dater plans thoughtful dates, follows up after them, or works on self-improvement to increase their chances with a particular person.

Excessive optimism in a relationship might lead to complacency or ignoring serious issues.

Grounded hope in a relationship acknowledges challenges but maintains belief in the possibility of positive change, potentially leading to more active problem-solving.

Optimism in dating and relationships stems from overall trust in romantic partnership.

Hope in dating and relationships believes in the possibility for change based on specific efforts, like seeing an improvement in communication and connection after couples coaching.

In committed relationships and in dating, both optimism and hope play important roles. 

Ask yourself

Do you harbor more hope or more optimism in dating or in your relationship? 

Which do you feel that you could use a bit more of? 

What changes might that bring? How might it support you in finding, keeping and cultivating love?

If you’re struggling to feel optimistic, hopeful, or both know that coaching with me can help you. Contact me and let’s talk about what it’s like to feel hopeful again.  

3 keys to navigate transitions for more peace in times of change

At the time of writing, we’re transition very slowly from winter to spring, here in the northern hemisphere, I’ve been sitting a lot with what makes for a ‘smooth’ Transition in life and love.

And because much of the work that I do as a coach involves guiding people through transition 

-from a lifetime single to being in an intimate relationship, 

-from the pain of a breakup to stability and strength as single person, 

-from one career ending to another beginning

-shifting into entrepreneurship after years of corporate life

And I’ve come to the conclusion that Transitions, which often involve massive change, are by their very nature unsettling. 

And therefore can never be truly ‘smooth’. 

Because we need things to come apart in order for something new to emerge. 

And that coming apart will inevitably feel messy, destabilising, challenging, unpredictable. 

As much as it does exciting, expansive and joyful. 

When the change is welcome. 

(And eventually over time, even if it was not).

So if we let go of the expectation of the ‘smooth’ transition and recognise that navigating change well includes all of the ups and downs and sideways feelings of it

Then we can come through it all with more peace in our hearts 

And welcome in what is coming towards us with more ease and more quickly than we would otherwise. 

3 ways to navigate transitions with greater ease: 

1. Clearly mark an ending 

2. Accept the messy middle

3. Vision forward

Clearly mark an ending  

When we clearly mark an ending, we pass through the messy middle (see below), more quickly and with greater ease. 

How to mark an ending: 

Recognise wisdom gained and release what wants to be left behind

Recognise wisdom gained – Consider the experience you’ve just had. It could have been a marriage of 20 years. Or a career you began early in life. 

Journal or sit with the following:

-what did you learn from the experiences you had? 

-what gems of wisdom gleaned will you take forward?

-what wants to be left behind?

-what are you grateful for as you consider the above?  

Release what wants to be left behind. You can do this by 

- writing regrets or resentments on pieces of paper then feed them to the fire as you let them go

-dance / shake / move your body to release any tightness or stickiness that your body is carrying

All of this creates space for what’s new to come forward. 

Acceptance and the messy middle 

This phase can feel like the most difficult to navigate. It’s the liminal space, that in-between point where uncertainty lies. You’ve left one known but now outdated shore and are adrift somewhere in the middle, not yet sure of where we’re headed…or how far away the new shores lie. 

How to navigate the messy middle: 

Continue to acknowledge and process feelings, emotions and memories that arises from the past…but don’t get stuck there

It can take time for our bodies to unravel from years of patterns and rhythmns established over time. And for our hearts and minds to fully settle. 

Practices to help you through: 

1 Acceptance: Know that this is a normal phase of any Transition; that change takes the time it takes. And that whilst you’ll soon be in a ‘new normal’, that an unravelling must happen. 

I choose to accept the decisions of the past as the best possible ones for where I was and what I knew at that time. 

I choose to accept that change takes the time it takes.

I choose to accept the wisdom of my body and my soul. 

2 Revisit the release practices that you did to clear your body and your energetic field. And to reinforce the markings of your ending. 

3 Let go of the doing or pushing. 

Sometimes moving forward is done most quickly by doing nothing at all.  

Clarity + Vision forward

How do you want to live this next phase of your life? Your next relationship? Your work, career and purpose? 

You’ve got perspective and experience to draw from thanks to your past. And clarity from the processing and space-creating you’ve done. 

Remember though, that Visioning is a time for dreaming, because dreaming is powerful. A time to step beyond the constraints of conventional thinking. A time to create a reality that is yours alone to live. A place that is exciting to step forward into. 

This does not mean that challenges will not come. They will at this new level of being that you’re visioning. 

When you give yourself time and permission to Vision, and to create space for the unexpected, new worlds unfold. 

Practice: Vision a new reality – feel and experience it through your 5 senses 

Get comfortable, and grab your journal and a pen. Write whatever comes to mind after reading the following prompts:

I desire a relationship / a career / life that...

Dream wide. Let yourself go. What is right size, shape, experience for you?

Consider your 5 senses:

Who/ what do you see around you in this new reality?

What do you hear in this space / place?

What do you taste?

What do you smell?

What do you feel on your skin. Or what emotions do you feel inside of you?

When I work with people on this, I get them to create a recording of their statement and listen to it again and again. 

Repetition helps to embed this vision deep within us. 

So that we begin to make decisions and live this vision to its fullest.

Let’s work together to get you through whatever it is that is ending for you and to a new beginning with more peace – experience coaching with me.

This post was inspired by the Modern Elder Academy’s ebook, Anatomy of a Transition. I highly recommend checking them out for more on transitioning well in mid-life.

On Living Well..and Ending Well (yep, that means death and dying)

I entered deep into conversation on life and death with Dr. Helena Dolny and a community of fellow coaches at Aephoria Partners. 

Perhaps it seems strange to post this today (it’s Spring Equinox as I write), the season in the northern hemisphere that is often all about welcoming in new life and living. What we often don't speak to is that Spring is also full of death and dying. The new buds that don't make it. And then the resilient few that 'harden' in the winds then blossom into fullness later on.

How do they do it?

Metaphors aside, talking about living fully...and dying well is tough stuff. And I love being with the tough stuff. Not because it’s easy. But because brave conversations like the one we had yesterday with Helena, make the tough stuff that much easier to be with, understand and move through so that we can indeed blossom and thrive.  

As a Coach, it’s my job to be with the challenges my clients face. To sit along side them as they ride out painful endings…the bumps of a bad breakup, the later phases of grieving of a partner lost to cancer or a destabilising career jolt in an unforeseen and undesirable direction. 

[ Flashback: From my archives (and still highly relevant) here’s a conversation I had with Ruth Sowter on how to practice resilience when you’re dating. Felt right to dig it up and share here. Enjoy it. ]

So that they can eventually move beyond this moment and shift forward into new beginnings…a new loving relationship or a job that feels like expansion and fulfilment. 

Life, it seems, is about transition. And how we surf the waves of change that comes with life’s transitions determines whether we thrive…or merely survive. 

As Dr Lucy Hone confirms so beautifully in her TedTalk, we all face challenges in our lives. Those that learn the skills and tools to be with these challenges well, build a resilience that is at once gentle and strong. 

As I share my own personal and professional set of skills and tools with those I work with and those I love, I continue to build my own understanding and embodiment of what it is to stand up time and again and brush off that proverbial dust. 

It is taking the time it takes. 

And I could not do it without the communities I sit in, the coaches that guide me (yes, I get to be supported too), and my own ever-deepening connection to self and the natural world around me. 

This is what it is to live well for me right now. 

What is it for you? 

How to uncover the hidden gifts of your inner critic when your heart is broken

My inner critic is vicious, she says.

And I know where it comes from.

The 50-something, strikingly beautiful woman sitting across the screen from me briefly describes to me a childhood full of neglect and abuse.

And she knows that this has something to do with the latest painful breakup she’s experiencing as her past spills into the present. 

This latest breakup is a shock to her system.

And, I think to myself, a wake-up call to her soul.

Something needs to change.

She knows this.

I know this.

But what?

The woman I am speaking with is gorgeous…and incredibly successful. She describes to me with ease and grace the multiple homes she has dotted across the globe. And the incredible effort it took for her to reach a level of material success most only dream of.

She recognises that she’s done all of this against incredible odds – as a woman from an underprivileged family where she felt no support at all.

Now, it seems, her next greatest area for growth and expansion is in the realm of love.

And that inner critic, that relentless voice of self-loathing and hate isn’t really helping her.

Or is it?

Why is it there?, she asks me imploringly and frustrated both.

And why can’t I stop it?

The heartbreak is bad enough. But I’m just being brutal to myself.

Yes, I want to move on from this past relationship, but mostly…

I just want to feel a sense of peace inside of me.

She’s in deep pain and I can feel the weight of the sadness that she carries. Zoom does nothing to separate me from what my clients are experiencing.

Distance it seems, like time, is a construct.

I share that in my experience, that critic has some important information it wants us to know. There’s something it desperately wants us to be aware of.

Often it’s trying to protect us from getting hurt again. It’s just hasn’t got the greatest way of communicating that.

Right! She exclaims. An ah-ha moment.

That makes sense.

I can see that this simple reframe has already lifted some of the weight she’s carrying.

Just…how do I get it to stop?

I explain to her that it’s my job as coach to guide her through the how’s. To teach her the skills and tools she can use to navigate this inner landscape and shift that voice to a more compassionate and nurturing one.

And that again, in my experience person and professional, this is the route not only to new love…but also the way towards inner peace.

Life – and love – will still throw up challenges, but how we are with them changes forever.

It is one of the greatest joys in my life to help others shift to more fulfilment and ease in relationships and intimacy – and in life.

Connect with me if you too would welcome in some guidance on whatever love and life is throwing your way. And I’ll share with you how coaching with me can help.

Intuition – learn how to connect with your inner guidance to live life and love on purpose

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

— Albert Einstein

I’m the first to admit that I have a HUGE tendency to look outside of myself for direction and the way forward, especially when I feel out of my depth.

Like when I get kicked off (or kick myself off) of a very familiar path that no longer excites me, and enter into uncharted waters with lots of uncertainty like in new love or a new career.

It has taken me more than 1/2 a decade to hit pause on what other people have to say about how to ‘be successful’ at love and life.

To finally COME BACK TO ME and to trust that I know the way. That the deepest parts of me can and will guide me forward towards living and loving and working and being in alignment with my soul's plan.

How connected do you feel to your own intuition?

How do you know whether it’s intuition guiding you or fear that directs you?

And what do you do if you just ‘don’t feel it?’

Here’s how you do it:

The practice

How to connect with your intuition

Quiet your monkey mind

Intuition can be heard when your rational mind is quiet enough to listen to what is underneath all of the thinking.

Sit in meditation

Notice what emerges from the quiet. What messages surface? What pulls at your body?

Investigate and notice if underneath what comes up there is fear or negativity. If so, this is likely your conditioned mind that wants to keep you safe.

Listen to what it has to say with curiosity. Let it know you’ve heard it. Let it know that you will heed it’s warning. Give it what it wants or needs with kindness and compassion. Notice if it quiets down enough for stillness to arise.

And gently feel into that which lies beyond the fear.

This is where your intuition lies.

Embrace Predictability and Rhythm

Take a walk, go on a run, or let yourself putter around the house.

Sometimes, when you busy the mind with the simple, predictable patterns of life, intuition can then come through and be heard.

How to Recognise Your Intuition

Intuition speaks to us each differently.

It might come to you as:

🌼 Words that resonate deeply within

🌼 Messages from the natural world

🌼 Synchronicities that occur in our day-to-day life

🌼 Moments of inspiration or insight that seem to come ‘out of nowhere’

The quality of the communication is often clear and feels or sounds true, even if our rational minds have a hard time wrapping itself around the ‘how’ or ‘why’ of it all.

Let go of needing to know NOW

If nothing comes straight away, then let go of the need to know NOW (easier said than done, I hear you!).

Trust that the answers will appear in time.

It is an exercise in faith and allowing this one. And one that I personally have found quite challenging.

But when I am able to soothe myself and remember what I’ve learned time and again – that everything comes in the right time – then I can relax back into the flow of life.

And let things come to me.

This is a radical change from the ‘make it happen’ mindset I’m usually in.

And it takes practice.

Once you are clear on which direction to move in (thank you intuition), then you can shift into action mode with clarity, insight and confidence.

Over time, I’ve learned the language of my intuition, so when she speaks, I hear her and can trust that she’s pointing me in the direction that I need to go. Even when the way forward - her way -seems uncertain and risky.

Knowing something intellectually is one thing. LIVING IT is quite another, and an ongoing practice.

I’m walking besides you on this one. As always.

And am ready to guide you back to you, should you like support in it. As a coach and fellow traveller.