Julia Fischer is a fitness coach who goes deep. Passionate about feeling powerful – and feminine – as a woman, we talk about how she helps women get stronger so they can live in a body that they love. And experience the pleasure that is there for them as a result.
In this deeply personal and rich conversation, we explore everything from healing heartbreak and dropping more easily and naturally into greater intimacy and pleasure – and how getting fit and building power supports this journey.
I love Julia’s ethos and her wisdom and am excited for you to listen.
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Listen in as we discuss…
Recovering from a difficult breakup through movement.
All the different ways to feel feminine in a male-dominated world.
Power, receiving and feeling feminine
Choosing to let go of control from a place of strength
Self-knowing and trust through strength building
Accessing pleasure easily and effortlessly comes from within you
Feeling at home in your body and opening up to pleasure
Self-validation, self-esteem, desire and pleasure
Talking about sex so that it gets better
And learn how to get started, protect yourself from self-sabatoge and stay with it
The importance of weight lifting after 40
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Book in a 30 minute consultation call with Andrea and find pleasure-filled committed love that lasts.
Connect here with Julia:
Podcast: Not your average fitness podcast
julia@juliafischer.co.uk
Free gift: ebook : How to get into training
Ep. 006 : Better Fitness for Better Sex with Julia Fischer
[00:00:00] Andrea: Welcome to the lush love podcast. I'm your host, Andrea Balboni.
[00:00:04] Andrea: And as a sex loving relationships, coach, it is my mission to help you experience modern day love. That feels lush in all ways. And I am excited to welcome Julia here today. She's a fitness coach specializing in getting women stronger so they can live in a body that they love.
So I am excited to have her here because Julia knows that fitness goes way beyond just what we look like and impacts our day to day life and the way that we feel
about ourselves and how we hold ourselves as well. We will be speaking specifically about intimate relationships. That relationship with ourselves, our bodies, that's the first level of intimacy and then to others. So that we can build a deeper connection with ourselves and a confidence in our bodies, mentally and physically, and Julia shares that it's really important to feel at home in your body to honor your sexuality and to be able to.
Fully and express it. So we're going to dive deep today on how exercise can increase libido, desire, lust, and ultimately pleasure. Welcome, Julia. Thank you for coming.
[00:01:15] Julia: Thank you so much for having me. What an honor. I I mean, you know, I love you. I love what you do. I love your work. So yeah, it's just pleasure to be here.
Thank you
[00:01:25] Andrea: So tell us a bit about yourself. I'm really curious about how you how you came into this career as a fitness coach, what led you there and yeah. How did, what's your story?
[00:01:38] Julia: Yeah. So I'm Julia, I'm a fitness coach and before I was a fitness coach Absolutely did not like exercise.
Funny fact, I like to throw it in there because I think sometimes we look at people in the fitness industry and think we we're born like this where it's no . And so my story is actually quite relatable because the way I got more into fitness was through a very bad breakup where I kind of lost myself and lost, kind of fell out of alignment with myself and my body.
And so. Yeah, through exercise kind of developed that new relationship with myself, with my body, really like starting to feel home again and you know, starting to know my worth again. And then through all that, obviously it then also fell into place with, you know, save love and, and, you know, being really.
Intimate and being okay with intimacy, not just with others cause also with myself. So yeah, that's, that's very, in a nutshell that, you know, through, through bad breakup, which almost broke me to then fully embrace my, my body and, and myself and yeah. Now I'm fortunate enough to help other women do the.
[00:02:55] Andrea: Yeah. It's funny how, when we break or have those ruptures in life we make lemonade outta the lemons. Right? When that happens, doesn't mean it's an easy process necessarily. Always
[00:03:09] Julia: Absolutely not.
[00:03:11] Andrea: When we do and come out the other side, then it can look. This, which is which is incredible. So tell me a little bit more, I'm curious about many things, but it sounds like that journey was super, super empowering for you to go through kinda finding yourself again and through the means of exercise and fitness.
So can in coming back into intimate relationship with your body. You mentioned also that many women come to you feeling quite disconnected with your body, but their bodies. So I'm wondering, and I find the same, so I'm and I experience the same myself. So I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit about that coming back to your body, maybe through exercise and then what that did as you were mending your heart and then eventually coming back into the world and dating again.
[00:04:02] Julia: Yeah, I think. You know, especially as women, we always feel like, like we are the giving person, right? So we, we are nurturing others. We are there for others, which is a be beautiful thing. And, and, and I love that. And one of my love language is really, you know, just giving and, and touch and things like that.
So I think because we have this nature, it's, it's easy to forget about ourselves and because we're always giving to others it's and making sure everyone is, is fine. And especially as moms, you know, always making sure that the kids are fine and our husband is fine, or wife, or, you know, have a, you, you are in a relationship with or not with Along the, the line, we just forget ourselves. And I think it's, it can be a very dangerous place to be in. Because if we don't take care of ourselves, that we, we can only so care so much for others. Right. And so for me personally, through that, through the breakup, and I think a lot of people can actually maybe relate is.
Because you give it your all and you try and try and doesn't work out. So of course you start blaming yourself somehow and always think, what could I have done better? And what is it on me that's not good enough. And so for me, that was a really, really big thing that I didn't feel good enough anymore.
Not pretty enough, not sexy enough. I couldn't, you know, provide enough, you know, not just you know, romantically, sexually, things like that. So all these kind of questions. You know, were really, really daunting with me. And yeah. Then one day I woke up, I was like, okay, I need to do something. I, I can't go on like this anymore.
It's just like, really, it literally broke me like to an extent that I was close to actually feeling depressed as well, and couldn't get out of bed anymore. And I was always really active as a child. So I just started with walking again and started dancing again. And it made me feel really, really good.
And just through like, starting to just care for myself a little bit more Of course, like you just said as well, it's not an easy process and it's not a fix. That's like, okay, one week we're gonna be fine. You know, it's like an overnight thing. It's not . But through, through taking these steps and doing things that make me feel good again and almost feel alive again, I was then able to, okay.
Start working on myself and it's still a process I'm still every day now working myself. But that's the beauty of it. Isn't it that we constant work in process and progress. And you know, we reach a new height on a new, new feeling and then it's just always up from there. I just, I, I love it. It's great.
Because you're kind of never done because there's always that okay. What's next but really like, yeah, through. Feeling myself again. I think if you're like in this situation where you feel a bit numb emotionally, mentally to then start moving again, start taking care of yourself. Again, you kind of, this numbness kind of goes and like you start to reconnect with yourself and then you're kind of able to be like, okay, actually, Now, what is the next step?
How can I not find myself again and, you know, go out there again and I don't know, go on a date or feel worthy again. I think that was for me, the, the biggest point was like, okay, how can I feel worthy again? Not for others, but for myself and movement really did help with just reconnecting with. With my body.
[00:07:44] Andrea: So as you know, the work that I do with people does involve the body as well, which is why I was so excited to have this conversation with you too, because moving through things and, and practicing movement in any form really can really connect you again with your body and help also to kind of process through things, move you through things.
And also it's it. Sounds to me, like what you're saying is that you felt quite disempowered when we ask ourselves, what am I doing wrong? Or I'm not enough of this, or I'm not enough of that. It comes from a very, doesn't feel very powerful to, to be in that space at all. Yeah. And so. It sounds like what, what happened was through connecting with your body through movement and working through things, finding your strength again, physically, and then emotionally, and also mentally, that was the effect that it really was a bottom up kind of movement working with your body.
And then that helped maybe process emotion and then feel, feel really good about about things against that you could date again and, and recover and. And come back into that sense of worthiness. So this kind of brings me onto the next question that I wanted to, that I was curious about with you, because you'd mentioned about women coming to you and fearing the feminine or their femininity.
And so I'm wondering what that shows up as how it shows up, how you work with women around that, especially in something like like working out in a gym where it can feel like a very masculine environment or what we tend, we used to think of as a masculine environ has now become much more a space for women as well.
So I'm just curious about that, how it shows up for you and how it show up maybe in your personal life, maybe in your professional life.
[00:09:30] Julia: Yeah. Definitely a very masculine space and place still. You know I must say it's getting better. Sometimes I walk into the weight room and there are two men and 10 women.
And I love it my favorite days. but sometimes I'm the only woman for, for, for two hours or, you know, things like that. And yeah, so, so it's, it's a very ma masculine energy driven place which nothing wrong with that. But I think it can also very be off putting and I think. In, in a world like today as well, where, where it's, you know, it's almost necessary as a female to somewhat be in your masculine almost all the time through whatever external pressure we maybe put on ourselves as well, or through others or through expectations we have on ourselves to, you know, be a strong, independent woman and always do best and not relying on others and things like that.
And then you should work out, but it's also not really feminine at times because it's sweaty and it's loud and you know, you don't look your best. A different glow. You exactly very, very different glow. But yeah, I think sometimes you can forget what actually feels to be feminine, right. What is femininity? Like, do we even know what that means for us as well? Because I do believe it's something different for everyone. And, you know, you probably know through your work as well.
You know, we all feel feminine in different ways, which is nice, you know, and I think. it's just about kind of figuring out what that means for you. Okay. What, how do I feel feminine? You know, it doesn't mean that you can only feel the best feminine when you wear, you nicest dress, heels and have your hair done.
And like, no, I do feel feminine when I lift weights because I feel very strong and, and empowered. Right. So I think it's just. Finding and, and evaluating. Okay. What does it mean for me? What does it feel like for me? What, what does it look like for me other than what society might define as a female? Right.
Because that's two separate things. I think in my opinion as well but then taking this feeling, especially through exercise, and of course, what I kind of specialize in is like, you know, making weight, lifting accessible to women, it's taking this feeling. You are lifting heavy weights, which is incredible.
You're building strength. Yes. Physically in terms of also muscles and things like that, but also the feeling that you have and develop through reaching certain set points within your fitness journey, and you take them into your everyday life. And all of a sudden you are now you can choose. you can choose to ask for help because you want help.
You don't need help. And I think that's a very, very important thing and empowering thing. And it's sometimes even easier to like, go of that, almost control that, you know, I certainly have always needing to control everything but I can choose to like go of the control. And just let go, because I know I can do it by myself, but I don't have to, and you can pick and choose those moments where you, you know, can, can let go and can accept, help and, you know, whatever that looks like for you, but then also have, you know, moments where in, in the past, you might have not been able to perform by yourself, but now, because.
You work out, you are taking care of yourself, you are able to carry heavy boxes often. It's just right. It's, it's very empowering. And it just gives you that new kind of level of confidence and this new kind of, you know, alignment with your body. And, and through that, you create this kind of almost energy and, and feeling within you that, you know, I am a stuff I am very powerful.
And then take that with you through, you know, Feeling better and then feeling more at home in your body because you are actually appreciating what it can do for you rather than just being, you know, feeling maybe a bit unworthy and, and at times, Hmm. Amazing.
[00:13:44] Andrea: I love that. yeah. I love that. I remember when I just, cause it's just been a few months now once you're, so I'm over 40 by a good amount.
[00:13:57] Julia: You look amazing.
[00:14:02] Andrea: It's always there that after 40, we need to go lifting weight in the. Yeah, it's really, really healthy. And yet it's not necessarily yet reinforced. I don't think in society and culture, that it's a very, very healthy thing to do and it can really bring us into balance. And so I love your take on it that as you're, as you're lifting weights and becoming more powerful within just physically, but also feeling more empowered because of it, that then it makes receiving easier or asking for help easier.
And as you mentioned at the beginning of our conversation, we're always doing, we're always putting ourselves out there for people many, many times out. Outwards kind of, and the energy's going out that this, what the change or the transformation that happened for you. And that can happen. The potential for women who do step into the space of working out in the gym with weight is that that sense of empowerment can actually allow them to receive, which is a much more yin or feminine kind of way of being in the world.
So if your desire. To be more feminine or to feel more feminine that this is actually an access point that we wouldn't necessarily associate with with being feminine or becoming feminine or stepping into our feminine. So I love how you . I love that journey. It's beautiful.
[00:15:21] Julia: It is. Yeah. And I think it's a very important one.
And I think, you know, like you said, like, Unfortunately still it is getting a little bit better, but still we are still in this position that when we think of exercise and working out, we think about, okay, I need to lose weight and tone up, which nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with wanting to look amazing.
But also I think we need to start shifting our motivation almost to, to more, almost more important things, you know, that can, that access can provide for us, which is yes, of course you are going to look great. You already look great, you know but also what other aspects there are of fitness, you know, like you, you, you start to feel strong, so your, your posture is gonna be better.
You are like the way you're carrying yourself is gonna be like more confident, you know the way you feel about your body, the way you feel about maybe, you know, being naked as well, like more acceptance for your body. Not always looking for, oh, I don't like this little thing on my belly or whatever.
Like it's, it's just this whole kind. New feeling you get and you appreciate for your body, but also when you get a bit older and it's even more important with age to do weight training, I try, I try to get my parents to do it as I think it's like a hopeless, hopeless scenario now, but because we age better and healthier when we lift weights and, you know, we need to.
Getting more behind that other reasoning of, okay, I wanna age healthy. I wanna live healthly I wanna grow old and be a grandma and still run after my grandkids, you know, and not be like scared. I'm gonna maybe trip over my feet because I'm not strong enough to do so. So yeah, I think it's very, very important that especially with, you know, age, we, we get more behind the idea of lifting weights.
[00:17:10] Andrea: Mm, definitely. And to come to. Kind of not towards body confidence or feeling better in your body or good in your body, the shape that it is and the shape that it will become and the shape that it's constantly and continually transforming into. Because as we know, the constant on planet earth is changed, everything so it's I still find it challenging at times to be, to be comfortable in change, even though I'm a transformational coach, I'm a change agent. I still, also, like you say, it's a lifelong process. However, what? Yeah, I guess what I was interested in, in, in diving deeper into was as you came and or come into body acceptance, then how does that maybe transform or shift things for you when it came to lust to desire, to love making, to being with someone intimately, does that body confidence also translate into the bedroom?
Let's say sounds like it sounds like an obvious. Kind of equation, but I just wanted to hear your view.
[00:18:20] Julia: It, it does sound obvious, but I don't think it is obvious. Right? It, it definitely does. So because the. And, and you, again, you, you are the expert here in terms of, you know, sex and relationships. I just know from our experience and working with people, but the more at home you feel in your body and the more acceptance and appreciation you have for your body body, the more. You are able to let go and just let be. And then especially when it comes to like, you know sex and not just with others, but also like, you know, with yourself and, and be intimate, having that intimacy, if you don't feel good in your body. And if you don't feel like, you know, worthy, if you don't feel like able to receive, it's so much harder to. Receive and to open up and, and just let go and let be, because, you know, as you know, we, we, you and I know it's really hard to, to get intimate with someone or yourself. If you don't feel good within your skin and within your body. And if you constantly question every little dimple and every little hair and every little line and everything, you know, that your body has, which is beautiful because, you know, again, like we, like you said, as well, like we were constantly growing and changing and it's amazing.
And, but if, if we are not in a place of accepting and loving and appreciation, then of course it is much, much harder to just be open with someone and be fully. Expressive. Right. So through, you know, having exercise as a tool where you do develop this feeling of, you know, empowerment and confidence and feeling strong and good within yourself, you can then take this and, you know, transfer it into the bedroom or whatever you choose to be.
You know, it's not exclusively there. I love it. but just be really like, Okay, I'm gonna tell you a quick story actually, because I had this I had a moment like that, a few, like a couple of months ago. So when I was lying in the sauna so back home. So I'm from Germany originally and we do a bit like people from north from the north where you have to be naked.
Right. So I was like, very private story, but I'm gonna share it here. I was flying there and just, you know, Being just very relaxed and mindful and, and of course, like you're naked. And I just felt so at home and good in my body by just lying in the sauna, sweating that it was hard to not touch myself which you can't because you're in a public place. right. But then I was thinking to myself, this is really beautiful. If you like, actually you, you reach and get to the point where. You almost can't take your hands off of yourself. Right? And I think it's very important thing as well, because you are always, you know, Always almost crave. Okay. Belonging and touch from someone else and wanting to feel wanted from another person.
And we always look for that validation, but if we are able to reach that point within ourselves, where it's hard for you to keep your hands off yourself, I think that has so much more meaning. And that is so beautiful because you know, You just know everything you need, you have within you. And once you know, you have that, you are able to give it to someone else as well.
Then if, and when you choose to share this with someone right. And share your intimacy. And I don't think I would've gotten there through no. Exercising the way I exercise and just also the, the other work I do on myself as well.
[00:22:14] Andrea: So I think you just nailed it. The key to confidence in the bedroom.
So confident in the bedroom is a big theme that comes through in the work that I do that women and men both want to feel more confident in the bedroom that they know that they're going in there with a sense of surety. And that just sounds like the way through .
[00:22:33] Julia: Yeah.
[00:22:34] Andrea: I love it. Also being able to really let go is so key to, to experiencing pleasure.
It's something I talk about over and over in the work that I do is that ability to be able to really let go. And in order to let go, you need to feel safe in your body. And so what I'm hearing is that you've cultivated a lot of safety by knowing your body really well, trusting in its strength and its power, knowing it and accepting it as it. And yeah, and then really basking in the glory of being this body of embodied, being an embodied human on the planet. And so, yeah, you really wanna touch yourself cause it's right. Why not?
Pleasure comes in so many forms and one of the most beautiful ways or things about it is that it's always there for us to access.
You don't have to wait for anyone to bring it or give it. It's always there within, and when it arises spontaneously like that, it is when we can. Super super relaxed, feel really, really safe and good in our bodies and come right into pleasure so easily. It's so much more accessible that way. So yes, yes.
[00:23:41] Julia: I love it. yeah, it is very important. I think, you know, because. You, you can be with the love of your life, but still not be, you know, and trust them with everything. But if, you know, if you don't trust yourself and if you don't get to know yourself and your body, you can always only ever be so much there and give and receive so much.
Right. And I think also, unfortunately very much, I hear still, you know, people are still not open enough to, with their partner talk about sex and what they like and the dislike and setting boundaries, but also be a bit more like, you know, experience a bit more like other things. But I think if you're actually in the space of, of knowing yourself and actually also knowing what you like or where your boundaries are, or, you know, things you would like to try then. Is much easier and more to communicate with your partner as well that, you know, okay, these are things I like, or I think like from own experience and also like talking with not just kinds of friends as well, and you probably know best with, with your work. Sometimes we would just get on with that with the partner.
Not enjoying it, but also not saying anything because okay. Whether we don't wanna hurt the other person's feeling, or we don't wanna make them, like they're not, you know, not knowing what they do or whatever might be. But I think it's very, very important that we are confident enough to take the step and not just get over and through with the act because that's not enjoyable for any part.
Right. To actually be able to say, stop, listen. Not like that. maybe try this instead. But I think it's so important because, you know, I, I mean, after a situation where I was just like enduring, I was like, okay, let's get over the quick . But afterwards, absolutely miserable because I didn't enjoy, I was waiting for it to be over. I was in, in, not in the right head space, it was actually getting worse. So I couldn't fully. Let go, I couldn't fully give and receive. And none of that just because I just didn't didn't like it, but I just waited for it to be over because I didn't want to say anything. I think that's just such a almost dangerous place to be in as well. Right. So I think it's very, very important. You get to know yourself and to get to know your body and be able to embrace it fully and not be scared of telling someone. Stop it change it, adjust position, whatever, you know, exactly.
[00:26:18] Andrea: Yeah. And it's a gift to them as well, because they're not mine. People aren't mind readers. They're not, well, the majority of the population, as far as I know, still isn't doesn't have psychic abilities. So it's, you know, and someone who is there with you does want to give and please you and, and give you what you like and want. So might as well help them get there and just tell them, right. And you can do that in a, really, a really gentle way, a very loving way and a firm way of, of, like you said, mentioning, okay, I like this, I prefer this.
This feels good. That less. So this feels better. Can we have more of this? Yeah. So focusing definitely on what works and just letting the stuff that doesn't go is, is a great and very, very safe way to, to share what you want so that as you enjoy it, the other person feels your energy. They'll feel the pleasure. They'll feel your joy, they'll gain confidence and be able to also be there for you feeling better in themselves as well. It'll. Much better experience for both people. So the greatest gift you can give is feedback.
[00:27:26] Julia: exactly. Yes, it is because everybody is different, like literally, right. So what the person before me might have liked and worked for, I probably is the worst case scenario for me.
You never, you just never know, but you also don't know until, you know, right. So I think it's, communication's really important, but you can't really communicate also what you don't know about yourself.
[00:27:48] Andrea: If someone who wants to want to get started, what would be, what would be your suggestion for the first step?
[00:27:56] Julia: So first of all, I think it's important to get to know like what you actually want. Like what are like, you know, we'd always talk about goals, but what, what are your goals and what are your goals beyond oh, I wanna lose a few kilos again, nothing wrong with that. If you, that is actually what you want, but also.
What would that mean for you? What does it look like for you? How do you wanna feel on a daily basis? Right. Because also a lot of times I do, you know, come to people when they say I'll just lose motivation. I can't get my motivation up. Yeah. Because you don't have actual meaning for the purpose and just wanting to lose weight is great.
But also what will it give you? And are you actually looking to wanting to lose the weight or are you striving for the feeling you think it might get you. So first step is set a goal and then it's really important to find something that, that you enjoy in terms of movement. But also, yes, I'm biased about weight training, but weight training is really the best thing you can do for yourself.
And for your health and for your things like that. So, you know, I like to encourage people to have a mix. Okay. If you like dancing, go dance. If you like. Climb being go on the trampoline whatever you do do that, but do maybe a little bit of weights as well. You don't have to take it to the extreme, right? You are not a body builder.
Cause often we look at, you know, people out there who represent weight training and, and the fitness industry, and they're just professional body. You do not compare with them. I don't even compare with them, so we don't need to go to the extreme, but having a, a plan and progression is really important.
And then just start, I think so often. We just, we just think about something. Oh yeah. It would be nice to, you know, work on something and then it's just never happening. So just start and look, if you're like, okay, I'm gonna start next week, actually start next week. So what that means is. For today, like, for example, if like on a Wednesday morning, you wake up and think, okay, Monday is the day I'm gonna start prepare, take the next few days to actually prepare yourself to not fail.
So do you need to buy new running shows? Do you need to buy new sports for, do you need to, I dunno, you know, do some grocery shopping. Do you need a gym membership? do you need to find a park, like write down what you have to do in order to actually start on Monday? Because then Monday comes. You can actually start and not be like, mm, I dunno what to do.
Do do everything you can to not self sabotage, like, because then is easier, you know, like if you prepare everything in the evening for the next morning, You, you just, you get out of bed, you take it, it becomes a routine habit. And just go same with exercise. Just, you know, have a thing, what needs to be in place right now to actually start help yourself to succeed.
And that's it like, I think so often. We just wait at until we are perfect. Right. And you don't have you just start somewhere, start with what you have and then you can figure it out from there.
[00:30:58] Andrea: And if they wanted your guidance, how can people connect with you? How can they how can they work with you if they wanted?
[00:31:04] Julia: Yeah. So the best way is to find own Instagram or Facebook. And then just either reach out to me Yeah, we can, we can talk about it, you know, figure out where you're currently at, how can best support you and then go from there. But yeah, social media is usually the best place to find me, have a little stalk as well.
See if you align with, with the content I put out there, because it's very important that we align as far, but yeah, just send me a message, even just any questions I'm always open and happy to just help. How, how, and when I.
[00:31:39] Andrea: Okay. I love it. Everyone. Get in touch with Julia. Start the . Oh, I'll see you there. Sweating it out.
Thank you so much for coming today.
[00:31:51] Julia: My pleasure. Thanks for having me. Okay. Bye bye.