‘It’s taken me years to create the balance that I’ve got now in my life, what will I have to compromise in my life to let love in?’
I get asked this all the time by smart, successful women who have it all in life – but for love.
And so I wanted to get Pandora Paloma in the room, because she, like me, believes in the ‘both and’ when it comes to love and business success.
Pandora has created a multi six figure business in the matter of a few years…AND she has found love along the way.
Neither journey has been without its challenges, but when you’re committed to a life of growth and evolution, Pandora proves you can ask for more – and get it.
In this honest and very real conversation, Pandora shares with us how she’s found love that feels right without having to compromise any part of her to get it.
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Listen in as we discuss…
- How to navigate growing a thriving business and finding love at the same time.
- What it took to get there.
- The benefits of having both and – is it really possible to have it all at once?
- Lessons learned from love lost along the way
- The qualities of a partner able to be with you as you grow and thrive in your business, co-parent your child, and enjoy the togetherness of love.
- How knowing what you want is foundational to making it happen.
- What to expect from an intimate relationship – what’s too much to ask. And what’s not enough.
- What it takes to keep love going for the long term. How to make love last.
Show us the love
And if you love the show, please leave us a rating and review on iTunes/Apple Podcasts.
Book in a 30 minute consultation call with Andrea and find love that lasts.
Connect here with Pandora:
Coming up this September
www.pandorapaloma.com/masterminds
Pandora’s world
Connect with Pandora on Insta
https://www.instagram.com/pandorapaloma_
About our guest:
Pandora Paloma is a business coach and works with quantum transformation. She plays in both the realms of energetics and business strategy. Prior to coaching, she worked in communications for some of the biggest brands in the world on their visibility through messaging, marketing and communications. She combines this experience with energetics, mindset and different coaching tools to help women stand out from the crowd and build businesses that feel like home.
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Ep. 7 Pandora Paloma on how to find love and grow a thriving business at the same time
[00:00:00] Andrea: Hello, and welcome to lush. Love the podcast. I'm Andrea Balboni sex, love and relationships coach for smart soulful women. Ready to experience real love, healthy, intimate relationships and pleasure and passion that lasts over time. In this podcast, we'll explore the nuance and complexity of intimate relationships so that finding love and keeping it feels more natural, easy, and empower.
Will expand into the mystery of the erotic to experience our potential for pleasure and the power that lies they're in. We'll expand into the mystery of the erotic to experience our potential for pleasure and the power that lies they're in. I invite wisdom holders, thought leaders and teachers and guides of all kinds to share, not only what it means to be nourished by deep, meaningful connection, passion, and.
but how to move through the intensity of intimacy on all levels of our being so that we can truly thrive and love over time. It is my belief that intimate relationships offer us the greatest opportunity to know ourselves one another and the world in whole new ways. And it is through this experience of ourselves.
And one another that we expand into more of who we truly. This podcast is for the multidimensional woman ready for a more full experience of the richness of love, the beauty of connection and the power of pleasure.
[00:01:36] Andrea: So I am so excited to welcome to the room today at Pandora Paloma, she is my business mentor and also a soul guide to me. And I have watched her followed her and have been guided by her now. For some time and she is an incredible, incredible woman. And I wanted to invite her here to speak to all of you about how she's doing it.
So she has a fantastic business that she's grown pretty quickly. And she also is currently developed. She tells me, and we'll hear more about this in our chat is creating the relationship that she wants at the same time. So she's experiencing phenomenal growth, not just in her career, in her business, but also in love, also in relationship.
And I know for many people that tends to be a give or take or a very, very difficult struggle. So I'm super curious to hear more about how Pandora's doing it, how she's done it and her journey. I'm gonna ask her to tell her, tell you a little bit about herself first and then we'll get into it. So Pandora take it.
[00:02:42] Pandora: Thank you for having me. Yeah. What an intro?
I am Pandora Paloma. I'm a business coach business. And I suppose quantum transformation in that I play in both realms of energetics and strategy. So prior to coaching, I worked in communications. I worked for some of the biggest brands Selfridges. I worked with Proctor and gamble on various brands.
I worked with brands like Volkswagen and radar and QVC, like big, big, big brands on ultimately their visibility. So they're messaging their marketing and how they were communicating with the world. And I really love using. Everything I learned within that career in now what I teach and coach with women.
And I've used all of that with energetics and obviously mindset and different coaching tools to help women stand up from the crowd and build businesses that feel like home. And the only other thing that I need to say is I love my job. . And you're great at it. It's so wonderful to be in your space and to learn and, and to grow with you.
[00:03:49] Andrea: It's been amazing. Thank you. So I was wondering for all those women out there who are strong, independent, creative, Kind of nailing it in the world. Really. They're really doing what they wanna do and they love, they have perhaps even many times people tell me my social. Life's great too. Friends are fantastic.
I love my family. It's just this thing of love. I struggle with it. I struggle to find relationship. And to be honest with you, I've created such a beautiful balance in my life. Now I'm afraid that a relationship might interrupt or disrupt my life and not in a good way. It might throw me off balance, throw me off kilter and derail me or detract from my career, from what I've created for myself.
So I know that this has been a journey for you, a continual one. So I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about how you got to where you're at now, which I understand is in a partnership, a beautiful, beautiful love
A love partnership that feels really good and quite imbalance with your life.
So I would love to hear a bit about your journey. I will start with one of the biggest decisions that I had to make. In my business for my business was actually ending a relationship that wasn't in alignment with where I knew I was going. And I think that that's important to share because it takes such courage.
[00:05:10] Pandora: I've just done well, I'm in the process of doing a three part podcast series for my own podcast around. What were the things that I shifted and created and how I scaled ultimately at the, not to 5k mark five to K five to 10 K and then six figures to multi six, which is where I'm at now. And that latter part, one of the things was ending a relationship that I knew wasn't supporting me and where I was going.
We, we had grown apart. We were doing, we had different values and I knew that. I had to prioritize where I wanted to go in my business over that relationship. Not because I didn't love him, but it was just so. So obvious to me that that had to happen. And actually it really sort of catapulted my business.
And I was saying to you kind of, since then, I've been a bit on a bit of a journey of kind of really looking at, well, what do I want a relationship to look like? Feel like
What does a divine partnership look like for me?
It was interesting that I kind of went from someone who
Was very much like enjoyed the nine to five
You know, very sort of structured, I would say, not particularly a visionary to my next relationship.
Someone who was as visionary as me as ambitious as me. And it equally became pretty messy because there was just no room for, you know, both of us in that. In that
In that, in that space. And then since then, and that was a pretty hard relationship for me, but it taught me a lot about love. And it taught me a lot about, I suppose, myself, because in sort of any relationships that I ended up in post, that I realized that I.
Was the person that she was in that relationship. So, you know, I had people being like, you always work all the time and it was like, oh, okay. I see the lesson here. I, you know
I think that, so what happened for me quite recently, and really dear relationship was someone that I think needed a lot more for me than I was able to give.
And I was saying to you earlier, you know, I. I just knew. And I had to make that decision again, of like, I know when I'm in balance. I know when I feel aligned, I know what's important to me and I truly believe that I can have it all. And I think where. This is where communication is really key. So I remember at the start of this particular relationship saying, yeah, you know, I, I want someone I can travel with and I want someone I can kind of, you know, do things with, but this particular person worked on the weekends and I worked in the week.
So it became quite. Kind of difficult for us to actually have that time.
And also I have a daughter, so I co-parent, and it was suddenly like, you know, this person was around on the week and then working on the weekend, I was around on the weekend. It was a bit like, actually this is not, not gonna work.
This is not gonna work, you know, time wise.
And actually I think that person did need more of me than I was able to give. And at the end of that, I sort of, again, I think every relationship builds on the lessons and I've definitely had, you know, my fair share of. Learnings in relationships, but I knew I was like, okay.
I now feel like I found the balance. I understand what balance is. Cuz I've had someone who's just like me and then someone who's got a lot more time and actually I need someone who's kind of in the middle of those things. And also what's been fascinating, I think for me, and this is just a sort of personal thing to share is that.
I went from dating men to then dating women. And I'm now back dating men again. And a big part of that was actually what I'm looking for because I'm so in my masculine, in my work, I actually really wanna be in my feminine, in my relationship. And it took maybe for me to. Try. the different flavors to be like, ah, I think this is the flavor that I'm looking for.
And so my now partnership with someone who's a little bit older than me.
They work for someone else, but are looking to kind of build their own thing at some point. So they've got that vision. They've got that ambition
And they really hold that kind of masculine in the relationship, which means that I can be so in my feminine, once I put the laptop down and.
So far so good. It's really working for me and I've never, ever felt compromised on my, my time, my business, you know, and, and ultimately anything else in my life it's important. And I think for, you know, anyone who is thises, it's like, oh, can I really have it all? Absolutely. But I think that communication has to come first of like, this is who I am, this is what I'm available for.
This is what I'm not, and this is, this is it. This is what I can offer, you know? Amazing. Yeah. Wow. It's been a journey and like, I, like you say it sometimes takes, and I think this is a difficult one, but it does sometimes take a few different relationships to understand where not always, but oftentimes it will take a few different.
Experiences to understand where, what feels right, what feels good
With where we're we're at. And there's also reality. And the reality is that time is what it is and schedules are what they are. And so it's also finding some, it sounds a little less romantic in a way, and it, maybe it is because it's more logistical, but it also impacts how we live.
So if your schedule or your way of living and working is very different from someone else's then yeah. That you can. an impact. And I think, I think you can. Make it work. So, you know, my partner now lives in London and I live in Kent and we
Both have daughters. And so it's been interesting to kind of we've, we've slightly shifted it now.
So that from September, our weeks with our children are the same, so that our weeks without our daughters are the same and we can spend more time together. But what's been interesting about this is that, you know, yeah, there are boundaries, but actually it's never been an issue. It's never once been an issue, you know?
And I think that's because there's a certain level of independence on both sides that, and, and, and a, and a certain level of trust, you know, that's just so foundational. So when we're apart, it's like, yeah, I miss you. But I'm also okay. Getting on with my life and my business over here and he's doing the same.
And then we really, you know, make the most of the time that we really do have so. You know, it absolutely can work. It's setting those really, really healthy foundations. Hmm. And that's something that I'm speaking to more and more these days, this dance between I'll call it me and we. So how and how much one person might need and want.
[00:11:54] Andrea: We might be very different from a how another person might really want the we and what you also need for that time alone and on your. and it sounds like in this, in this journey, in this process, that you've found someone where there is a health where you're sort of that space that you're holding together, that you have in that time together is enough for both of you.
It may not be the case if it were someone different and it hasn't been the case for you, if it were someone different who had a different, had a different set of needs or desires for what a relationship might look like. And so there's. In that dance, there's not necessarily a right or a wrong. I feel that every relationship has a different shape and form.
It depends on the two people that come together to create it. And what you've done over time, what you've created
Is this space for you both to be who not only who you are. And express yourselves in the different spaces that you're in on your own, but when you come together to really be present in that time together and have that and feel really good and solid in it.
[00:12:57] Pandora: Yeah. That's like a beautiful
For, like you say, like you're acknowledging for right now, this is how it feels, this is how it is it's working and
[00:13:06] Andrea: You're growing that together. So yeah. There's space to be in. Yeah. Yeah. It's beautiful. It is. And it's, I think it's really easy for us to kind of judge as we move along like, oh, you know, maybe I'm giving too much, or maybe I'm not giving enough instead this, the, the thought process for you or what I'm hearing that the shift that happened for you is that it's not that you weren't able to give more it's that level of giving or being for the other person, just wasn't what they needed and that's it.
[00:13:36] Pandora: And it's. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's find some finding someone who has a similar, I suppose, love language, but also, you know, different the same, the same level of needs as you, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing. Yeah, I think, I think that, you know, for me, I, I suppose in the work that I do as well, you know, I need a lot of time alone, as much as I need time with others.
And I'm really clear that sort of one person will not give me everything that I need will not meet all of my needs. And I wonder if that has come with age and, and the work that we did together. Roles reverse where you were sort of coaching me. You know, you really helped me to understand what meeting my own needs looks like.
And that became a really strong foundation for me to be able to then invite someone in, you know, knowing like I meet these needs for me first. And then I get these needs met with this friend and this friend and this friend, and, and then my partner gets to bring this and meet these needs, you know? I say that as someone who's pretty needy relationships, , I've really learned to be like, okay, this person is not gonna save me nor, you know, can be my everything.
So what do I want them to fill me up with? You know, what do I want them to, to, to be my support in? And yeah, it's really beautiful. Hmm. And. To add onto that. There's also certain things that a, that a, an intimate partner can bring an ad to your life. A, a unique dimension that other relationships, whether it's friendships or pets, even, or nature relationship with nature, the world that that can fill you in a certain way.
[00:15:24] Andrea: And then a partner can only really. Take the space, the shape of, of intimacy as well. And so it's also understanding, okay, what can the world give me? What can my friendships and community give me? And then what unique things or what unique, really unique flavors that only someone who's this close. What can they bring and how does that look?
And you've gotten so much clarity on it. and it's a beautiful, again, a beautiful space to dance in because when you can be clear with the other person as well and what it is you want, then they'll also recognize, okay. Yeah, I can do that. I can step up for that. I can be there for that. And that feels exciting to.
and it gives them permission to also ask for what they want and need as well. So I'm not sure if that was your experience in this
And this coming closer to someone, but
[00:16:12] Pandora: Yeah, definitely. Definitely. I think I was also just to kind of bring it back in terms of the conversation we were having about, you know, Fearing that they're gonna have to compromise.
I feel like in sort of certain dating experiences prior to this relationship, I wasn't maybe as clear with them on who I am and what my ambitions are and where I, where I desire to go in life. And. You know, I think that comes from confidence and it comes from really continuing to be okay with who I am and what I desire and what my truth is.
Right. But I remember sort of at the beginning, like, you know, he asked me about my business and I was really, really clear on like, these are my goals. Like I'm pretty ambitious and you know, this is it, this is me. I'm not gonna change. And that I think in itself was again, you know, just reinforced that really healthy foundation because just being clear, I'm not, you know, I think sometimes in relationships, people think.
They put on you, what they think you're gonna be or what they want you to be. And actually I felt the clearer that I can be on. Like, this is who I am. You know, it means that I'm not gonna suddenly have that conversation where like, oh, you are doing this or you, you know, suddenly you're doing this. Like I've always been this person.
[00:17:37] Andrea: This is just me, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And you've shown up that way in your, in the space that you've created for, for work for business more and more. So you talk often about how stepping into more and more of who you are and having that be visible and seen. This is something that I'm learning through you.
Yeah.
In the space that, that you work in has really freed you up to not just expand your business in ways. At a rate that maybe you, we never really know the timeline, right? Sometimes we're happy with it other times. We're not. So I'm not gonna qualify it in that way, but just having understood that the more you showed up in work in career and the business that you're creating as yourself, the more you found people would be drawn to you, who are the right people for you and for, for your, for what you teach.
Yeah, and it sounds like that's quite a parallel with this, with relationship and what's happening there because we'll often talk about authentic dating and showing up authentically and as the real you in intimacy and relationships, and that can feel super scary. At first, if we don't also have some boundaries, an understanding of, okay, I'm stepping towards intimacy, but what actually feels safe to share and what actually doesn't.
And so it's titrating it's it's and you've spoken to this as well in, in the business space. It's almost okay. Yes. We're showing up as our authentic selves. Yes. For showing up as more of ourselves and right now with where I'm at, what's a responsible.
What's responsible for myself or my nervous system for my being amount to actually show to the world or share with the world.
And so it's this kind of interesting balance and it's very nuanced in this desire to show up as your full self and what actually feels safe and building the capacity to feel safe enough to show up as more and more of yourself. So we're talking about it as if it's kind of like a thing. Yeah. Show up as more of your.
But I'm just acknowledging that it's been a process for certainly, certainly for me and continues to be. And it's
As you described it, a process and a journey for you as well, so. really just wanting to acknowledge for anyone who's listening. If they're struggling to show up as their most authentic self mm-hmm in whether it's in the space of dating or in their career, in their relationship, that it is because it is nuanced it's responsibility to self and to the world to be able to hold yourself in the amount that you actually
Can and are ready for
Showing up as, and also for what the.
Your perception sometimes, and the other person is ready to receive. So nuance. I love nuance. So nuanced and, and such a journey. You know, you are finding more and more and more about who you are and what you stand for and you know, your truth and your expression all the time. If you choose that, right?
[00:20:36] Pandora: Some people are super happy where they're at, you know, but if you are interested in self-discovery self-development, you are continue, continue to find more and more of you. And something I think is really beautiful just to kind of sprinkle onto that is. You know, you are a multidimensional being, you know, and you are continuously growing and evolving.
So there's gonna be new versions of you that you haven't even met yet that, you know, suddenly wanna come out and play. And it's like, oh, so I used to think that, and I used to be that, and now I think this, and I'm now I'm being this and. That's also. Okay. And, and I say that from, from a business perspective, you know, something I see a lot of women struggle with is that sort of showing up online and what should I show and what should I share?
You are a multidimensional being, you cannot possibly show all of you in a 62nd reel or a series of 62nd reels over the course of a year, because you are too unique. Like, do you know what I mean? Like what people see of me behind the scenes is probably really different to what people see of me online.
You're not seeing me in real life. You're not seeing me in a vulnerable state. You're not seeing me when I'm being sexy with my partner. Like you don't need to see that because who I am online is who I am in business. And I can also kind of pick and choose. And I can't possibly share all of me. Right. I think that's something we have to get our heads around.
Like, I love that what I've seen of my partner so far is what I've seen of him. And I'm gonna see so many different sides to him. And as he grows and evolves, there's gonna be more sides of him that even he hasn't shown before. Do you know what I mean? It's, it's really, it's a beautiful journey that we all get to explore.
[00:22:15] Andrea: And I think the more that we're comfortable and that's change as well, isn't it? So it's getting comfortable. It's change I think is also, you know, it's, that's, that's. Certainly I'll speak for myself. Only a lifelong for me. I see it as a lifelong practice is getting comfortable with impermanence and change
And being open to what might show up.
And seeing and sense checking. Okay. With what's showing up now here with me, with my partner, does that still feel aligned with who I want to become or who I'm becoming and the parts of me that maybe I feel like I've left behind or leaving and shedding, and as he shifts in changes and, and may or may not come along for that ride, is this, are we still in congruence?
Is this still making sense? Does he still wanna come along for the journey and. I would say in that respect, it's a bit of an open ended question because we can't predict how things are going to be. And so it's a gentle hold. Even if your intention is for a long term relationship, potentially for the rest of your life, understanding that, okay, that may or may not happen.
And we never really know that right now it can be in our intention, but we, we, we can't really hold onto it as a, as a factor guarantee because nothing ever. Yeah is forever in the form that it is right now. And I know you've spoken to the people who aren't maybe. Wanting to change or move or develop or expand, or however, whatever words you want to use.
For it as much, they may be in a different space with it. The pace may be slower. However, I feel like we're all on a bit of a change path, whether we like it or not, and yeah, you can stay in the space that you're in, for sure. However, there's, there's always gonna be things, even if they're externalities that'll change and shift.
So, but to come back to the point , which is
As you mentioned, just seeing. I'm seeing what I'm feeling and, and sensing from you is this openness to discovery of what might show up in the other person that you haven't calculated for or seen, or, or can know, and as well as within yourself and being accepting of, okay, what may show up, maybe something that will, will be triggering or challenging to be with.
Do we have the skills? Do we have the tools? Do we have the awareness to be with that? When it happens? I think that's been one of the most valuable things, certainly, certainly for me and the work that I do and what I share with the people that I work with is equipping them with the skills and tools. And, and that doesn't just mean tactical, practical things though.
It often does. It's also the skills and the tools for self-awareness. Mm. So there's an awareness piece, and then there's actually practical things you can do for communication, for intimacy, for connection for closeness. So it's kind of. Really complete toolbox that
That you wanna give to someone, or I hope to gift to the people that I work with or share with the people that I work with so that we can be with the change as it happens in the most graceful way that messy change can feel yeah,
[00:25:28] Pandora: 100% agree.
[00:25:31] Andrea: Good. Yay. We're in alignment then on that. So if
If you were to speak to yourself, maybe two or three relationships back even, or even thinking about the time, cause I feel like there's been such an evolution when we began our work together. You and I, in the space of intimacy and relationships, if you could speak to her, what might you say trust yourself?
[00:26:00] Pandora: Yeah, trust yourself.
At that particular time I was coming out of, but sort of then ended up back in again, in a relationship that I just knew whilst the love was there was just not good for me. Right. Not, not, there was so much love, but just not good for me. And. , you know, it love can be a funny thing, can't it?
You know?
But I knew, I knew it wasn't good for me
In that way. And I, you know, it was hard to trust myself, but behind everything I find certainly in business
And, and very much in life, you know, building that self trust, like I trust myself to know. If this isn't right, I'll be okay. I trust myself to know.
You know, if I feel like we C can make it work, then I have it within me to do it. You know, I trust myself to make decisions in business. I trust myself to close containers when they don't feel aligned anymore. I trust myself to invest in the coach. You know, it's so much comes down to self trust. And I think that was sort of a really big, you know, big learning for me at that time.
[00:27:21] Andrea: Yeah. And wisdom that you share now so beautifully. So thank you for that. It's one of the biggest pieces I'm taking away for sure, from our time together as
Yeah. As someone that you're, that you're working with. So thank you for that lessons shared or like their, I think the richness of, of life really.
Just really appreciating that. Yeah. Okay. So if we wanted to, or someone wanted to learn more about you work with you possibly just absorb more of you, then what's the best way that they could do that. So probably finding me on Instagram at Pandora, Paloma underscore
[00:28:03] Pandora: My website is Pandora, paloma.com.
And from there. You'll be able to find all of the things . If you head to the website, sign up to the newsletter or come and say hi on Instagram, who always love meeting new people, knowing where they're at. Certainly if they're in business
Yeah. That's where you can find me. Amazing. Thank you so much.
[00:28:26] Andrea: Any last words for anyone out there might be listening
[00:28:32] Pandora: behind. Everything is love. Yeah, behind everything is love. I always feel like there's fear or love and choose love. . Yeah.
[00:28:45] Andrea: Beautiful. Thank you, Pandora. Thanks for so much for coming. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.