5 tips on how to flirt when you just don't feel like it

I remember when it was easy to flirt. I felt amazing, on top of the world, alive and flirting was just a natural extension of this.

Teasing a smile onto someone’s face or getting them to laugh fueled my own happiness.

I felt sexy and playful and myself.

Then there were times when I felt dead inside. Maybe it was from too many hours in front of the computer which sometimes felt like it was sucking my soul away. The artificial light from the screen glowed more brightly than anything inside of me.

The last thing I could have done in those moments was flirt. It just wasn’t happening. Cynicism or sarcasm would come out instead, and the negative undertone of those maybe would draw  a chuckle, but it felt more like it kept people away instead of drawing them closer. Play with this though and see what you yourself experience.

So that leads me to my first tip:


Spoil yourself

Give yourself what you need to make you happy

Be alone with yourself. Or spend time with friends. Go to the spa or take a long hot bath. Put on some crazy music and dance it off. Do whatever it is you need to soothe your soul and make you feel more alive.  

Getting to good will help get you to great. And when you feel great, flirting becomes an extension of who you are. Of the fire inside. When you light yourself up, you light up a room...or another soul.


Start small  

Still not quite feelin' it?

Flirt with your sister, with your girlfriends, with the cat, or the guy behind the deli counter.

This isn’t quite ‘faking it till you make it’ – getting in the mode can help get you in the mood.


Flirt to fit your mood

Feeling just a little bit warmer? Flirt lightly. A compliment here. A lingering glance there...always with the intention of sharing the little ray of sunshine that’s starting to flicker in your soul.

Match your mood. If you’re feeling playful, be playful. If you feel shy, a gentle wink will do the job.



Get curious about the person you’re with. Notice what excites them. Tune in. Stay focused on the conversation and pick up on times when they light up. So say for instance, someone is telling you about their trip to Hawaii and you pick up on the fact that they loved hula dancing. Tease out of them why they loved it.

By doing this they will feel heard and seen and there’s nothing sexier than that.

It’s also a way of allowing them to relive a moment in their lives where they felt alive. And by doing so you are in a way giving them a bit more of that experience. Teasing is in one sense, giving to someone a little bit of what they desire. Yum!


Immerse yourself in the now

Mindfulness has a place even in the game of flirting. Tune in to what turns you on about where you are and what you are doing.

Notice all of the physical sensations, the softness of the grass under your feet, the bitter twang of coffee as it hits your tongue. Drop in completely. 

The lusciousness of life will slowly fill you back up again and you'll enjoy just being in the world. Share what you notice with someone near you. This closeness and intimacy in a shared moment is a flirt in and of itself.