Even if you get the sweats just thinking of going into the shop
I remember the hesitation that I’d feel as I inched my way down the street towards the beautiful, luxurious lingerie shop.
I could feel the sweat dripping down my body, the intense feeling of shame as I thought about what would my friends think. I was sure none of them shopped in a place like this.
Or maybe they did? I don’t know. We never talked about it.
I remember the feeling like an awkward teenager (at the age of 40+), as I approached the door of that shop time after time, never quite brave enough to go in.
You see, I wanted to graduate from department store lingerie to something that made me feel playful, alluring, daring, sensual, and mysterious, like the women I'd see in magazines or in the city.
I wanted to feel sensationally, astronomically, out-of-this-world sexy.
And one of the keys to this I felt was inside of that shop.
But I couldn’t get myself over the threshold. Until one day I did.
And wow, how the journey changed me.
Here's my 6 step guide to getting you, too inside of that shop and up-leveling your sexy in ways you'd never imagined.
Know you will survive this.
So this one isn’t really a step, per say, but it’s very important to remember that you will come out of the shop alive. That’s pretty much a guarantee.
It might not feel like it right now, but its a probably truth.
Unless your heart stops at your incredible sexiness. Which it could. Take the risk?
Now that we’ve put things into perspective, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.
You’re gonna need to warm up before you actually go into the shop: practicing some major time body love.
What do I mean by that? I mean that every time you look in that mirror either clothed or naked, you give yourself 3 compliments for every 1 criticism. THREE for every 1.
Do this for a week. At least.
Your mind needs to learn to be nicer to yourself if you’re going to have fun on your adventure.
It’s probably never be trained properly, so now we’re gonna tame that monkey. With everthing we’ve got.
Remember: 3 for 1
Once that monkey is well in it’s cage, think about the ‘right’ store.
As I mentioned, I went to Agent Provocateur, not because I could afford it (I couldn’t at the time), but because it was upmarket, luxurious, elegant, and also playful, fun and there was defo some stuff in there I’d never imagine trying on.
It’s not your mamma’s lingerie shop.
It also didn’t feel like a sleazy place, though it definitely pushed my edge.
I would eventually shop here for real, as I do also at Donna Summers (sort of the UK version of Victoria’s Secrets but a bit more ‘racy’). It took me ages longer to go into Donna Summers though as ‘cheap’ was one of the many words I heard that were equated with women who were sexy, light, fun and playful in their sexuality.
If I was spending a lot of money, I could not be ‘cheap’, right?
OOoo the mind.
Monkey, get back in the cage!
Go into the shop.
Easier said than done you say? I agree. Totally.
Oooo how many times did I circle that store in Soho. Like a vulture. Or rather some sort of tiny, timid, frightened animal (how I wish I were as fierce as a vulture!).
Tiny because the women in the magazines were tall and leggy and knew a lot more than I did and so I felt small and too this and that and not enough of the other. Monkeeeeeeyyyyy!!!
He’s back in the cage. Cause I had trained for this. Hard!
And there I was, pushing my way through the door.
I was able to look the shop keepers in the eye (after years of lowering my head in embarrassment and shame in the face of lace, this wasn’t an easy one), and lo and behold they looked nice! And not at all scary like I had in my mind.
Why did I feel these women were scary? That is a dissertation I can save for another time, but basically a woman in her full sexual power is scary. Why do you think we’ve been shamed and oppressed for so long from our full sexy forces. When you own this part of you as a woman you are powerful, amazing, uncontrollable, mind-blowing (literally), and therefore a force to be reckoned with. And silenced. And shamed. And tamed.
Well, me no longer.
But I’m going to put that on hold for now as I could go on and on but we’re in the shop now!!!
Try stuff on.
OMG. Yes. Please!! Try as much stuff on as you can. Especially the stuff that you could never imagine yourself trying on, which for me was pretty much all of it. Ha!
What helped me was when one of the shopkeepers asked if she could help. And I hesitated (as the sweat dripped down my body...you see, I was in but it was still quite nerve-racking to be managing all the feels I was feeling).
And she asked, ‘Well, what role do you want to play? How do you want to feel?’.
I probably looked at her quizzically, as she then pulled from the rack a pink tassely type thing and said, ‘Here you can be a Roman goddess’...or with this one you could be like a Spanish flamenco dancer’?
It was like Halloween? Or role play? Whatever was going on, it worked. It made it less scary.
I could try on these strappy, sexy numbers, step into my roman goddess or whatever, and it felt like fun.
I could explore what it must have been like to be these beautiful women archetypes. I’d eventually learn to tap into so many of these incredible flavours of sexy inside of myself with or without the lace and tassels, but right now it was what I needed.
I was in there for hours.
Top tip: Now’s the time to deploy the mind exercise I told you about if you need. 3 positive things. You’ll be looking in that mirror a lot.
Wear it at home. Alone.
Sometimes it takes a bit of time to grow into new clothes.
And whilst I felt beautiful like I never had before trying that stuff out in the shop, I also felt unsure about it. I mean, when would I actually wear this stuff? And why? I was single!! For what felt like could be indefinitely?! Help!!
I got that stuff for me. For myself. To learn how to step into parts of me that went into hiding. That never grew up or out. That were squished in there. Quieted. Silenced. But definitely not forever.
I had begun to find these parts of myself in the shop, to taste and to feel all of the different flavours of beauty inside of me.
I was stepping into the place of the women in the magazines. I was taking my place amongst them, not because I changed careers and became a supermodel, but because I was stepping into my sexiness and the power that comes with that as a woman who owns it.
Am I perfect at it? Nope. Do I still look at magazines and feel like a little girl? Sometimes. A lot more often, I look into the mirror and see staring back at me a beautiful, sexy woman.
And I smile at her. She owns it. And wow, is she a presence.
Note: not all women in photos in magazines look sexy or powerful all the time.