Body, mind, and emotions – coaching my way engages all of you for deep, lasting change

My relationship with my partner is deeper than I could have ever imagined, and only continues to blossom.

Looking back and remembering previous tensions I held in my relationship reminds me of how far I’ve come. 

Here is Oli’s personal story of how using one of my favourite MBE Coaching techniques called ‘Focusing’ helped her move from fear around vocalising what she wants to healthy and open dialogue on all subjects with the man she loves.

Discovering that I could locate emotional trauma living in my body in the form of physical pain was a revelation. I had been struggling with this lump in my throat for a while before I began my work with Andrea. 

It was painful and uncomfortable and I knew it was linked to my anxiety, but I was completely clueless as to the deeper meaning of it and that I had the capacity within my own body to clear it, bring myself to safety and heal from a trauma that happened so many years ago.

Focusing was developed by psychotherapist Eugene Gendlin as a psychotherapeutic process that uses sensation to clear the body of unresolved feelings, and to make space for new possibilities. 

The first step to this is recognising your own “felt sense”. This goes beyond logical thoughts and feelings, and taps into the body for wisdom. This can be multiple wisdoms - multiple points in your body that provide information. 

Discovering that I could locate emotional trauma living in my body in the form of physical pain was a revelation. I had been struggling with this lump in my throat for a while before I began my work with Andrea. 

It was painful and uncomfortable and I knew it was linked to my anxiety, but I was completely clueless as to the deeper meaning of it and that I had the capacity within my own body to clear it, bring myself to safety and heal from a trauma that happened so many years ago.

Locating My Inner Child 

During a session, we bring my state of consciousness into a meditative one. A place of calm peacefulness. I body scan to notice all the subtle energies flowing through my body - a practice I have been doing in my meditation for a few years - but little did I know this was going to be much different. 

I remember the first time we did this clearly. The lump in my throat, present, and during the body-scan, strong. Andrea would ask questions like “what does it feel like?” “what does it look like?” “what colour is it?” “how old is it?” - which on a logical level doesn’t make much sense at all. But on some basic emotional level, interesting and unpredictable words followed my feelings. 

This lump in my throat became personified. It became a child. My inner child. Crying out for attention. Having spent years of looking after me. Protecting me. She was sad, angry, frustrated, confused, spiky. 

With the words came tears. Tears that were representative of my inner child needing a voice. 

I was filled with fear for my voice to be heard. I was blocked from telling the truth from a lie that was told that deeply traumatised me. A wound that needed healing. 

With talking therapy, I learnt to vocalise my fears, but with Andrea, I’ve been able to do much more physical work and locate deeper, inner truths. Discovering that my body holds infinitely more answers than my logical mind.

This was important, because in therapy I continued to repeat the same story over and over again. The bodywork broke me free, and unlocked things I didn’t know needed unlocking. I’ve been able to find the answers within myself.

“Felt shift” is a part of the Focusing process where your experiences guide you to a better place of understanding yourself.

Locating My Inner Goddesses

As the tears poured, Andrea told me to body-scan again, this time locating a place of safety in my body. A place of softness, squishiness, sturdy groundedness. I found her, and I’ve since found multiples of her. In my belly. In my breasts. In my upper arms, and in the centre of my head. My inner goddesses. 

Using this visual meditative practice, Andrea guided my inner child to explore the soft areas of my body. To move around, play and feel free from the pain and responsibility of protecting me. 

My inner goddesses regularly show up in these practices. They provide warmth and strength. They take control and offer insane amounts of wisdom. 

Words flow from feeling. Again nothing logical about it. But incredibly powerful, that I come out feeling blissful and born again. 

In the 6 months I have been working with Andrea my throat does still show up. But she is calmer, and I know how to soothe her. I feel much more in control of my state of mind, and know that I have the powers within me to heal. 

Where I used to find communicating my fears to my partner, my friends and my family next to impossible, it all comes to me a bit easier now.

I am more confident in opening up a difficult conversation - where before I would sit on my anxiety for months, only to have it blow up in my face later on. 

In this space of release, you allow room for newness to emerge. 

Focusing opens up a dialogue between the mind and the body. While the mind has one take on what’s going on, the body has others, more subtle, more intricate, and nuanced in the way it understands the situation, gives meaning and provides context.

Not everyone is ready to work straight away with their mind and body through Focusing. Though many of us are accustomed to emotionality and feelings, working with the body brings us that much deeper.

So I choose the tool, practice or process to meet you where you are at and we work from there.

3 signs she’s just not ‘emotionally available’

Guys are often charged with the accusation of not being ‘emotionally available’.

That you are not able or ready to share your deep, rich emotional world with women – or anyone for that matter. 

The same can be said however, for many women. 

Not all women are willing to open their hearts and bear all to anyone who comes forward – even if (and sometimes ESPECIALLY if) that person is a man whom we fancy. 

So how can you tell in early stage dating, that she’s actually ready for the deeper connection you crave and that gives meaning to intimate relationships?

Here are 3 things to watch out for:

Deep talk vs cheap talk 

You talk for hours and hours about all of the ‘things’ happening in her life. The people she meets, the activities she does, the world around her. 

BUT she never go deep into what’s really going on within. You know facts and figures. The people and places. 

You don’t know how she feels about it all or what it all means to her. 

This after several very long conversations.   

It’s all about you. 

She lets you go on and on about you. It’s flattering at first. She seems very curious to learn about you. So you open up. About the small stuff…how you love to cycle, your boat, your favourite albums. And about the big stuff…how you were bullied when you were little and it hurt, how your brother is your best friend, the things that give your life a sense of purpose. 

And after the patter of your voice dissipates, she fires another question at you and off you go again. 

BUT she reciprocates with short answers to your questions about her and deflects them back to you. 

You realise that once again, she gives away very little about her inner world. 

She doesn’t walk the walk.

She has an active social life with friends and family and does lots of activities. You’re glad that she’s got an independent spirit and life of her own

BUT there’s very little space for you in it. She keeps putting off dates. And it feels like your two universes never quite eclipse. 

You get the sense that there’s an invisible wall up – it’s there even if you can’t see it.  

I’ll be frank with you – a shortage of time isn’t the issue. We make time for things we care about and are invested in. So whilst a part of her wants to be in a relationship, another part of her isn’t quite there yet – and it likely has nothing to do with you. 

Pursuing a woman feels challenging and fun for some. However you do not have to convince or cajole someone into spending time with you. Check in on how much you are giving –  and whether she’s truly ready to receive  graciously the gift of your time and attention. 

Deep connection – the kind you crave not just in your relationship but in sex too – begins with each person’s ability to be vulnerable with one another. 

And whilst trust-building is something that takes time, some women need to do the deeper level work on themselves before any bridges you create to build this trust can be crossed.

Sound: use it to experience wild, full-bodied pleasure for men

Sex is like surfing. 

Learn how to ride the waves of your sexual energy and you’ll feel it’s magnificent force as a full bodied pleasure experience.

And who doesn’t want a full-bodied experience of pleasure? 

If you could control your ejaculatory reflex and spread the experience of arousal throughout your whole body, rather than having it just centered around the head of your penis, why wouldn’t you? 

In order to do this, you’ll need to be able to fully surrender to your turn-on, like a surfer surrenders to the power of the wave. 

In surrendering, the surfer relaxes into the rise and fall of the power of the ocean beneath him. 

At the same time, he remains open and connected to his body. He is completely present.

Same thing with sexual arousal. 

When you learn to relax into your pleasure and ride the wave versus clamping down on it, repressing it or controlling it you become super sensitive to pleasure. 

So much so that you can move and spread that energy throughout your body and experience expanded states of bliss.

Open, surrendered, and connected are the states you’ll need to be in to ride the waves of pleasure.

One of the most powerful tools for opening yourself up to these states is to use your voice. To ‘sound’.  

Sounding in sex is allowing your body to have a voice. 

It’s giving sound or voice to whatever part of you wants to express itself in that moment. 

It’s allowing whatever sounds that want to emerge from you to come out however they want to come out. And not judging them. 

Often times we are ashamed of making noise during sex, and we clamp down on the sounds that would naturally come out. 

This could come through years of adolescence where masturbation happened on the down low and as quickly as possible so no one would hear.

And so men are expected to emit an occasional grunt or groan, but not much else in sex. 

Women are also assigned a set of ‘proper’ sounds during sex. 

But as is so often the case, what we are sold as acceptable ‘normal’ sex sounds are scripted for Hollywood or porn and are limited. 

We humans are much more interesting than that. 

So let yourself go. 

You can get used to the sound of your own voice first in masturbation. Self-pleasure is a great place tp start. Let the sounds come forth wild an uninhibited, and you may just find that the powerful raw sexual desire, lusty and potent, rises within as well. 

You may feel a bit silly for it at first. Remember that no one is watching.

Full-bodied pleasure is yours to be had. 

Claim it.

The more you love and accept yourself for your truest, fullest expression, the more you open yourself up to being loved exactly this way by another. 

Journaling: A simple powerful tool to build confidence in dating and relationships

Journaling is a great way to work through the tough stuff and really know yourself. 

And really knowing yourself (and loving yourself for being YOU), is what actually builds your confidence from the inside out so that when you are on dates or in a relationship you feel grounded and confident no matter what happens.

Knowing and loving the parts of you that you’ve pushed into the shadows, the parts of you that you’ve been ashamed of, that you’ve feared being, the parts that feel like they are not worthy of love is especially powerful.

Acknowledging and accepting these parts of you allows you to stand in your full power. To show up as your fullest self.

And to open your heart and mind fully to another person – feel safe in doing so. There’s nothing to hide.

So if you want a deep, connected relationship, let’s get you started writing.

What you need

A journal or notebook. It doesn’t have to be fancy.

Your favourite pen / pencil.

A daily practice of writing. This can be anywhere from a few minutes of free form writing (whatever comes to mind). Or a more structured practice like the one I share below.

Get started - Journaling the Shadow

Shadow work (getting to know the parts of ourselves that we tend to push back into the shadows of our mind and hearts) is a fantastic way to create more compassion for ourselves. Here’s a way into shadow work through journaling.

Step 1: Write down 3 things you'd hate to be accused of

For example, many men are afraid of being accused of being selfish, mean, a bully, weak, or a pushover.

Step 2: Write down a time when you actually were this way and what resulted from it.

I was very selfish in my last relationship and it made me feel alone. My partner eventually left me.

Step 3: And another time when it served you

I was selfish when I decided to stay home from a family gathering because it would have been too stressful. I'm glad I stayed home because it was what I really needed. 

Step 4: Own this part of you fully

Say out loud – I am a selfish man. Feel it in your body. Know that it's only a part of you – a part that sometimes serves you. And so it is welcome and necessary – when the time is right.

Still not convinced? Hear me out.

I remember when I first met Naz. 

I was late for our first date – a picnic in the park.

It was a bright sunny day outside and we sat for hours chatting and munching on small bites as the clouds shifted quickly across the deep blue sky. 

Naz shared with me not only the good parts of his life – where he’s travelled to, the friends he has – but also the challenging stuff. The things that hurt and were hard. 

We went deep. 

It was only afterwards that Naz told me that he doesn’t normally share the tough stuff with people he’s just met. 

Or with anyone for that matter. 

When you accept all parts of you, exactly as you are, that’s when the magic happens. 

Naz felt confident enough in himself that day to open up and reveal parts of him and his life that showed me the man he was. 

The guy I fell in love with. 

Was he perfectly 100% confident in all ways? Nope. 
Was it enough? 
Yep. 

It was.

Learn about my bespoke men’s coaching programme and apply to work with me on building your confidence from the inside out.

Calm, nourish and stabilize yourself - body, mind + soul

I’m sharing this FREE audio-guided grounding deep meditation practice 

To stabilise and nourish you body, mind and soul

Download the audio files here

Being human has never been easy

But that doesn’t mean we have to do this alone

Especially in these exceptional times

So here’s one of my favourite practices from my coaching programme for those wanting to create love in their lives. 

Filling yourself up with good, nourishing energy is key

It allows you to share love from a place of fullness and overflow

And by doing so you attract in more of the same

Right now we all can use filling up with all the love we can get! 

And unlike loo roll, there’s an infinite amount of love on the planet to draw from. 

So put on some calming music

Hit play on the audio

And soak it up

So much love from me to you.

3 simple ways to find love faster

If you're anything like I was, you're sick and tired of the endless dating cycle by now. 
You'd give anything to make the process of finding love (or as I see it, creating love), faster. 

You may have already fallen in love once or twice before in your lifetime (and if you haven't yet...don't worry – you are not alone). 

So you don't need me to tell you that falling in love is an incredible process of expansion. 

You feel yourself grow almost physically larger than life. Your heart explodes outwards. 
You see the world differently. 

As we get to know another, we see the world – our world – and ourselves through their eyes.

So really falling in love is an expansion into YOU.
You discover more about who YOU are. And fall in love with yourself as much as with another person.

And this is an incredible experience.

Oooo .. wait.. I can hear you now…

“But Andrea, how is this insight going to help me now? I’m single! 
I need to find my person first before I can benefit from this expansion business.”

Bullsh*t, I say. 

Not only can you experience the expansive amazingness of falling in love NOW
But it’s going to help you bring the person that’s going to invite you to know yourself more quickly into your life.  

Here are 3 simple ways that you can begin the process of falling in love NOW and attract in someone who’ll join the ride with you:

1. Fill your own gaps - are you looking for someone good with money because you suck with money? Let me tell you this, people good with money do their best to AVOID those who are not good with it. Looking for an artist type to help you realise your creative side? GET IN THE DRAWING STUDIO and see who you meet when you’re there. Filling the gaps feeds off of the misdirected belief that someone else should ‘complete’ us. Yes, there is a lot to learn from another in relationship, but expecting that other person to fill you up is draining. Learn to feed your own needs and desires in life so you are free to love the other person for who they are – not just what they bring to the relationship. That’s a ‘what can I get from this’ mentality and it doesn’t make for a healthy relationship.

2. Fall in love with your ‘faults’ - Do you look round you only to see people in the world who are non-committal? Or who don’t lack inspiration? Now turn the gaze upon yourself. Is there some part of you that’s afraid of commitment? Or that feels bored by life? THAT’S what wants loving. And some attention. Once you give these parts of you some TLC, then you’ll begin to notice, through inspired eyes, that there’s more out there (and in people) that you’d first seen.

3. Love who you are NOW. What parts of you or qualities in you light your own fire. Add some fuel to that flame and let yourself shine!!! This is a surefire way to attract more of what you already love into your life.

You’ve got this.

Turn up the volume on lovin’ yourself and filling you with what you need, and the world (of lovely available people), becomes your oyster.

Create Love – Part 2 : Overcome resistance and roadblocks

Before sitting down to write this, I realised that I ‘needed’ a coffee. And then that the laundry ‘needed’ to be run. Oh, and then I remembered that an email ‘needed’ responding to…and then...and then…

Let’s call this like it is – Resistance!!

Some part of you is resisting your moving forward to getting the love and partnership that you want. 

Resistance can rule your life if you don’t watch out.

So it’s best to learn how to work with it.

If you made it this far, you are ready to actively create the love that you want in your life. You have a clear idea about what that looks like. You may already have started to create that by bringing it into 5D* – embedding it in your mind, body and soul. 

* I explain the importance of 5Ding what you want into all parts of you here: Create Love - Part 1 - The fastest (and surest) way to the relationship of a lifetime.

If you’ve done Part 1, you’ve begun to experience what it will feel like on a daily basis to be in the relationship that you envision. 

And you’ve got a daily practice in place to support you in this. If you follow the 5D model, that’s a daily recording you’re listening to at key moments in the day. 

And then…resistance shows up

What is resistance? 

Maybe you start to ‘forget’ to do your daily practice of listening + feeling. Or you think that you might be better served by more rest and drop back to sleep. 

Those are some of the symptoms of resistance.

Symptoms of resistance can look like:

• Tiredness (my fav…think I need another nap)

• Boredom

• Procrastination

• Busy-ness / no time

• Irritability + crankiness

And then the voices start and you get totally thrown off track:

• You begin to doubt whether it’s even worth it

• If it matters that much

• If it’s really attainable

• And even whether you really want it

And you move from the tangible feeling your future relationship in your hands NOW, to a drop back into your old self (your old vibration) and the old familiar way of being. 

Say what?!!? 

You’ve owned up to the fact that a partnership that lasts is the single-most important thing for you right now – it’s at the top of that long list of desires – and now you’re telling me that you’re not even sure you want it? 

Watch out, because that’s fear and self-doubt at play. NOT what your soul truly wants.

So what is really going on here? 

What is the root cause of the resistance?

It’s super easy to fall back into old beliefs and their corresponding thought and behavioural patterns because like well-paved roads – they feel familiar. And in that familiarity they feel safe.

So whilst we begin to understand how they limit us and our potential for new experiences, we continue to cling to what is safe and familiar.

The obvious problem with continuing down the well-paved road is that it will lead us where we’ve already been and NOT in the new direction. The new direction which will lead us to the new reality of the relationship that we’ve so clearly defined in the 5D process and have begun to feel in our bodies as real and attainable.

Well-paved roads are in fact, sets of learned beliefs and associated emotions from culture, society, our families and other past experiences that want re-writing. 

Resistance is the part(s) of ourselves that are trying desperately to hold on to these old ways and want to continue down the old well-paved roads.

These parts of us buried deep in our subconscious have yet to believe we’ll survive a different way of being.

They need reassurance that the new way we wan to live is going to be ok. And that you’ll survive it.

So how do we access these parts of ourselves that are resisting and show them we are ready to move forward?

The parts of us that carry the old beliefs and associated emotions get stored in our bodies on a physical level. And as such can be accessed through the physical body where we release them and free ourselves.

Talk therapy attempts to do this by accessing the analytical mind and the underlying emotions. As our minds are masterful at spinning stories. Many of us are familiar with the term ‘the monkey mind’ to describe our overactive brains. Getting beneath all the chatter to discover what is truly going on can take anywhere from several months to many years.

Whilst talk therapy can help many people, there is a faster and more direct way to reach the deeper parts of you that are resisting change. And that is through the physical body. 

How to access resistance and can I do it on my own?

You can learn to do this on your own. It’ll take some practice. And it’s much easier to do once you’ve been guided by a coach like me through a process called focusing.

Step 1

You’ll want to get quiet and still like you would in meditation or visualisation practices. Bring your focus inwards and let your eyelids gently close. This will help you really tune in to what is going on in your body.

Step 2

Bring to mind and really feel the emotions and sensory experiences of your 5D reality.

Step 3

Scan your body starting from the top of your head and working your way down. Feel into where the resistance sits – is it a heaviness in your belly? A tightness in your chest? A burning or numbness somewhere in your body?

Step 4

Once you locate the resistance bring your full awareness and attention to that place in you. Drop fully into the physical sensations of it so much so that you feel as if you have become the sensation.

Step 5

Begin to ask this part of your body the following and see what responses bubble up. Don’t try to make sense of it or figure it out, just see what arises:

What is your purpose?

What are you doing for me?

What do you need from me?

What do you need to know in order for me to move forward in life?

The answers that you get are the keys to giving yourself what you need so that you can realise your desire for relationship.

How to move forward

Once you’ve identified what is really going on and have identified what it is that you need to move forward, now it’s time to find a part of yourself that can give you this.

We’ve all got ‘power pieces’ inside of us that can support us in moving forward. There are parts of us that contain the strength and wisdom to support us to move forward in life.

Here’s how to access them:

Step 1

Repeat the body scan you did whilst still holding the vision for your future in your body mind.

This time notice the parts of your body that feel powerful and supportive. Maybe it’s a warming in your belly or a tingling in your arms.

Step 2

As this part of you if it’s willing to give you what was asked for so you can move forward.

Step 3

Have this part of you connect with the part of you that showed up as resistance so that it can ‘see’ you’ve got it covered.

Gently come back to the room and open your eyes.

Write down the ways that you can move from this place of power in your life.

For example, if your power piece showed up in your belly and resistance was in your throat, what are some ways for you to voice your truth or communicate more powerfully when with someone you are attracted to.

Consistently living from your power is what will allow you to create the healthy relationship you want in your life. You’ll be confident, grounded and your magnetism will draw in love.

How can a coach help

I’ve done the best I can to explain the powerful process I bring people through to get very fast results, however it is nothing next to experiencing it with expert guidance.

This is a deep process and requires some degree of connection with one’s own body and internal world – and it is not for everyone. Those who struggle to connect with their bodies and emotions but are open to doing so can be guided however and also experience excellent results.

The skill and experience of my abilities as a coach comes from years of working with this combined with other powerful modalities has proven to perfectly prepare people for exactly what they want – and they get it. Read what they have to say here.

In addition, it takes dedicated practice to pave a new road. I’ll be there with you to ensure that you stay with it and get what you want in life.  

We’ll journey together.

If you’d like to learn more about working with me, send me an email at andrea@lushcoaching.com

I offer free 15 minute intro chats to understand if coaching with me is right for the both of us.

How to have better sex: connection + consent with Nichi Hodgson

I want you to jump from two feet into the bedroom, when you feel finally ready to be intimate with a certain someone you might have just started dating. 

And not only that, I want you to have the best sex possible when you do. 

And so, I wanted to break out this bit of a conversation from a video I had posted a few weeks back with Nichi Hodgeson, journalist on all things sexy for the likes of the Guardian and Sky News that will help you to do so.

You see, consent is key to connection. 
And connection is the key to great sex. 

Especially if you are new to dating someone. 

It's key to know what feels good for you – and what doesn't. And to voice it. 
So open communication becomes a foundation to your relationship. 

Nichi breaks consent down for us beautifully in this video.
She explains that consent is deciding ‘Do I want to do this right now with this person?’ 

And then listening to your body and your mind. 
And remembering your values. 
And then deciding do you want to go ahead with it – or not.

We make hundreds of decisions a day and consent to lots of little tiny things whether they feel good or not. 
In fact, many times we ignore what our bodies are telling us because we feel that we ‘have’ to.

For example have you ever sat through work meetings for hours when you’d rather be getting on with what you’ve got to do. Or simple would love to have a stretch and a stroll?

In the video Nichi explains, we’re actually pretty good at ignoring what our bodies want and consenting anyway.
What we don’t do so well is voice when we don’t want something.

So it’s important when you are with someone, to notice how your body feels – and be upfront about it. 
Be firm with yourself if you are not sure and say, ‘Hey could we take a minute?’

Know that you can change your mind.
Buy yourself some time. Get some space
Go to the bathroom for a moment. 

When you come back, be real about what is going on. 
‘I’m having a great time with you but can we do something else instead.’ 

Or suggest something that you’d rather do. 

If words are difficult then put someone’s hand on your body in a way that feels good to be touched. 

A strong ‘No’ is wonderful to hear 
Because when that becomes a strong ‘Yes’ one day, the person you are with knows they can trust it.

It takes a strong ‘No’ to get to a strong ‘Yes’. 
And with a strong ‘Yes’ that can be trusted, deep connection results. 

And connected sex is soooooo good. 

Dating + Love after Divorce

I used to think that people who were divorced had an advantage on me – at least they had managed to get married ONCE (sometimes even 2 or 3 times, somehow lapping me!!). 

Now I know that those of us who have been single for most of our lives and those coming out of divorce share a few things in common. 

One is a sense of not really knowing ourselves fully.

We feel as if we’ve lost ourselves somewhere along the way. 

Those in marriage giving too much of themselves or thinking always of others. 

And us singles who get enveloped by work or busy-ness.

And we don’t really know where to start to get back to centre. 

To re-find…or find for the first time parts of ourselves 

That have yet to be discovered.

We feel lost.

And lonely. 
And alone. 
And have no idea how to crawl out of that place. 

If you’ve never really been in a relationship your entire adult life – regardless of the fact that you have a lot of incredibleness to share with someon
You feel like you’ve got no experience to fall back on. 

No points of reference. 

No, well when that worked out it was because of this…

And if you HAVE been in  relationship and it’s fallen apart

And that relationship was called ‘marriage’

Which was supposed to be forever

You want to do everything in your power not to repeat what just happened. 

And you feel like you have no idea how to do that.

And what if you mess it up again.

In both cases you feel like you are learning from ‘ground zero’ as my friend and colleague Andrea Tan shares with me.
You have no idea where to start. 😳

The truth is, whether you’ve never been loved or have loved and lost, the first steps forward are knowing yourself from the inside out. 
Getting back in touch with centre – with who you are at your core. 

A kind of remembering. Or getting to know. 

So that you can feel whole and full and alive and confident and sure of yourself. 

And from this place of fullness love outwardly

So that what comes back at you is a person who has done that journey too. 

And together you create something totally new. ✨

Not based on too little or too much past experience

But on what you are NOW. 

And that is a you that is powerful and beautiful and already full.

Here’s where Andrea recommends you start by SLOWING DOWN and feeling your way thru. Even tho slowing down to feel is the last thing you might want to do as you go through divorce.

Here’s a 3 step process to help get you through:

1. Express fully your Rage + Sorrow - You carry lots of emotional weight after divorce. Get it out! So you don’t carry it with you to the next relationship. Punch pillows for 20-30 mins. Set a timer so you don’t go over that limit + get stuck in the hole of those emotions. Do this over a number of days, weeks, months until it’s all out.

2. Learn what you like - Go on dates with yourself. Have each date be themed by one of the 5 senses - eg. a date on taste would be trying different restaurants / foods you like. This process helps in remembering or knowing for the first time, what makes you uniquely YOU.

3. Create a vision board or statement - of the person you would like to be in your next relationship + how you would like that relationship, and life, to be. This is so that you can stay focused on who you want to be as you go through the divorce. It keeps you from falling back into old ways of being that were not supportive of you being your fullest self. It prevents you from attracting the same type of person that you’ve just left behind back into your life.

Dating is not a numbers game - How to turn the odds in your favour

Dating is not a numbers game. ➕➖➗

I know. 

I went on hundreds of dates and swiped thousands of profiles for 8 straight years. 

Countless hours were spent crafting my online profile. 

🤳🏽🥵

It only mattered so much.

I finally felt like I was taking control over finding a relationship when I really owned it. 

And the IT here was me.

I owned how I showed up in the world. 

I owned the incredible things about me.

I owned my own amazingness. 

AND

I reflected it accurately and openly – online + off

In this video I share practical (and not so practical) tips on 

-Knowing it + Owning it

-Reflecting that in your online profile 

-Reflecting it in the real world

-Allowing in that which you put out (love...yum)

Expand into new ways of being – how to be a brighter you

Lousie’s work bridges Western philosophy and psychology and Eastern esoteric traditions and shamanism.
She knows the power of each and taps into both to help you understand what you learn.  

She does this so that you are able to take the gifts of the experience and apply them to your NOW so you can live the life you want.

You will learn practical ways to understand and fold the experiences you have into your life to support your own thriving.

- what it looks like when you experience a growth spurt (aka spiritual awakening)

- how to listen for what wants to 'emerge' when this happens

- and be with the feelings, thoughts and emotions that come with it

So that you can come into being a newer, brighter version of yourself instead of running away and pushing down what wants to come out.

We also speak about:

- expanded states of consciousness - from meditation to plan medicines

- and how to interpret the language and learnings that we experience in these states

So that new meaning can be brought into our lives.

How to seduce like the French

I want to seduce like the French 🇫🇷 ❤

I want to become a masterful seductress. Powerful. Sensual. 

I want to…

“Wait!! Andrea are you telling me that you ...YOU ... want to seduce people? But I thought you were a woman of integrity?!!?’ 🤨🤔

I can hear you interrupt me, and protest my proclamation. 

“But seduction is a bad thing!! The kind of thing that draw us … lures us unwillingly into something dangerous. And then we’re caught and burned, like a moth to flame,” you say.

Well, thank the gods and goddesses for the French is my reply. 

Because to the French seduction is about expressing your inner essence as a woman. Not to manipulate or deceive, but to LIGHT THE WORLD ON FIRE…and draw in love so you can live the life of your dreams. 🔥

It's linked to a woman’s sensuality (also not a bad thing according to the French) and to her joy of life and living, her 'joie de vivre' as they say. 

In our culture we don’t often feel free to express ourselves fully as sensual beings. Women who are ‘too’ sensual, who express ardent sexual desire, who love sex are often shamed and labeled loose or easy or amoral.

And we view seduction too, in a negative light. The dictionary spells out seduction as:

taking away someone's innocence

debauching, corruption

dishonouring, ruin

😧😯😱

Well, I’d not want to seduce or be seductive either if it meant I was coming from a place of need or greed and was ‘out to get’ something from someone. 

So I want to seduce like the French. 

I want to express my own inner confidence, to come more and more into my power as a woman. 

✨💃🏻✨

And so I’ve decided to partner with a very seductive French woman (who also happens to be a hugely talented luxury jewellery designer+maker), Victoria von Stein to help bring out of us all that it is to be a woman: radiance, elegance, flow, joy, intelligence, charm, playfulness, lightheartedness, beauty, intensity, passion, love...and so much more.

Victoria von Stein speaks about how the French view seduction. 

How it's not forced or fake. 

How a seductive woman, 'une femme seduisante', is a very positive thing.  

Because you see, the beauty of seduction as we know it is that it brings the world alive. 

It’s fun and playful. It’s joyful. 

And the one seduced feels desired, loved and alive….as he enters into your beautiful world.

Self-Pleasure Basics - How to really gain supreme confidence in dating (and in life)

You can only be confident in your sexiness – truly confident – if you know your body inside and out.

And self-pleasure is possibly THE best way to do that.

Imagine that you trusted your body completely, that you knew exactly what she wanted and needed at any time, and that you felt safe in your own sexiness. I'm talking about YOU being in charge here, no one else. 

Would that make you feel confident in dating? Hell yes! 

Would that make you feel confident in bed? That's another hell yes!! (Even got 2 exclams)

And that confidence radiates into your whole life.

Resilience: a key quality for thriving whilst dating

I’ve invited ‘healthy hedonist’ and Integrated Sex, Love and Relationships coach, yoga teacher, writer, speaker and women’s health expert Ruth Sowter to speak about…

Resilience.

Wait, what? Seems like a bit of a strange topic for a hedonist who’s to teach us about getting all googly-eyed over someone, wouldn’t you say?

The truth of the matter is that dating can feel like a tough game. And the beginning months of a new relationship like a trip down a rocky road with blind corners at every stop.

Ruth speaks about how Resilience is an essential skill to hone so that you can experience dating in a more healthy way.

The skills you learn in being resilient will translate to relationship as you transition over from dating to mating. 🥂

Staying with all of the myriad emotions you feel (from interest and curiosity to excitement and nervousness to insecurity and questioning to name a few) as you meet new people and get to know them can be very challenging and quite confusing.

Ruth teaches 3 easy ways to begin to develop Resilience so that you can feel more open and ready for love...and more steady AND sexy on a date. 

1. Create a pre-date ritual – For more on pre-date rituals, visit 3 pre-date rituals that will make you rock it on a date

2. Have a full life – Outside of dating

3. Practice boundaries – How to say 'yes' or 'no' to a next date

Watch the video for the details and wisdom. 

Pleasure: the best thing to do for your health

“Consider a discipline of pleasure to be an investment in your health. A joyful heart and a body that experiences pleasure and nurturing are your most reliable health insurance.”

Dr. Christiane Northrup, Goddesses Never Age, The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality and Wellbeing

I love this book by physician Dr. Christiane Northrup. You might have read her other best-seller and classic, “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom”. Somehow I skipped that one and came right to “Goddesses Never Age”. ✨

And I’m glad I did. (Though I do plan on reading “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” too.)

Dr. Northrup writes about the scientific evidence that supports what I’ve learned through experience to be true: that healing happens through experiencing pleasure in your body on a regular basis.

This is what I find most interesting about this phrase in the quote above, 'Discipline of pleasure'. We're very good about being disciplined at work, with family responsibilities, paying the bills. 

I'm asking you to begin to bring some of the spirit of discipline, making something a priority and dedicating yourself to it, to the pleasure you experience in your life. It will change your body, your mind and your soul. 

And whilst pleasure doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual for you to feel the benefits, it’s definitely one of the most beautiful ways to experience blissful states of being – and as a result, fantastic health.

What you'll learn

In this video, I introduce you to a super sensual and oh so delicious tantric ritual that will get you right to the epicentre of pleasure: your body.

Sexual pleasure is an experience of all of the senses which are accessed through our body. The more you can drop into your body in sex whether solo or in company, the more pleasure you will experience.

And the more pleasure you experience, the healthier you will be.

Re-wild yourself and experience your fullest potential for pleasure

NOTE: In my excitement, I mistakenly introduced Veda as a psychoanalyst. She's not! She's a psychoTHERAPIST. Very different. 

I met Veda few years back on our Coaching Certification program with Layla Martin. I remember the fire, the light, the aliveness in this woman – and her incredible capacity to take other women on a journey from shut down to wide awake, vibrant and sparkling. ✨

She’s been doing this for years, and as I only work with the best, I felt she’d be an excellent guest to help teach you how to come alive and, in her own words, ‘Rewild yourself’.

Rewilding is finding your way back to your unique, authentic sexuality that exists beneath the stuff that keeps us from experiencing it.

The conditioning (familial, societal), stress, and trauma (sexual or otherwise) can show up as numbness, disconnection from the body, lack of desire, or inability to experience pleasure or orgasm.

Veda shares with us her own story from feeling shutdown to sensationally sexy.

And she teaches you 3 practical, easy and simple ways for you to get there. 🦋

Links to things mentioned in the video:

Veda on Insta: wildjadewomen

Embody the Wild Workshop - tickets and information

The Jade Egg Demystified

Wild woman, let me hear you roar!

I’ve invited Sharif Joynson, an embodiment coach for men and a martial arts master 🤺  to talk to you about what it is that makes a woman so damn sexy to guys that are really worth it. (He should know...he's worked with loads of men who tell him why). 

Embodying the qualities that Sharif will describe tonight will not only make you feel more sexy, but they will help you to feel more powerful and alive in all areas of your life. 

💎 You’ll live more truthfully than you ever have. 

💎 And move from a space of complete confidence and deep inner knowing. 

💎 And there is no deeper satisfaction than living a life from this place. 

You’ve already got the wild in you. It’s just a matter of bringing this part of you to life. 

Of feeling it throughout your body as you expand into it – and yourself, fully.

Watch the video to learn how to begin to awaken the Wild within you.

Envy is my superfuel

I consider myself a champion for other women.

Yet oftentimes when confronted with a truly powerful woman, someone who owns it fully, and especially when she's sensationally sexy, I would find myself disregarding, criticizing or shaming her, even if it was only in my head.

‘What’s she doing being so flirty!’, I’d think. Or ‘She should maybe think twice before wearing that’, would fire off in my mind.

You see, I am a champion for women. But only those women that express the parts of me that I have accepted and loved and were valued by my family and friends.

And this is so so limiting.

So I catch myself now.

And look at what exactly it is about the woman in front of me that has brought up these thoughts and along with them feelings of disdain and disrespect.

And I find her in me.

Recent discoveries include:

The little girl who wanted to be a beautiful goddess but didn’t know how – she learned she might have gotten attacked or kidnapped if she stood out too much.

The teenager who was too afraid to express her wild desire for sex – it was wrong and shameful to be so full of turn on.

The woman who was too scared to be seen as sexy because that meant she was a slut and manipulative and would not be accepted by her band of strong, intelligent and powerful women.

It didn’t safe for most of my life to be what these other women so daringly are.

And so I too was a slut-shamer. I too let my envy for women able to own and express their sexiness turn into negative thoughts and disrespect.

I believe that men and women should hold equal power in the world.

And what gives us true power is ownership, love and acceptance of all of ourselves.

We women hold the world inside of us. That means that every single quality out there, we’ve got inside of us somewhere.

It remains untapped, hidden potential, until one day you decide to open it up, and live the power, beauty, and magic you see in others.

It’s been in you all along.

Boost your sexy factor astronomically with this 6 step guide to wearing hot lingerie

Even if you get the sweats just thinking of going into the shop

I remember the hesitation that I’d feel as I inched my way down the street towards the beautiful, luxurious lingerie shop.

I could feel the sweat dripping down my body, the intense feeling of shame as I thought about what would my friends think. I was sure none of them shopped in a place like this.

Or maybe they did? I don’t know. We never talked about it.

I remember the feeling like an awkward teenager (at the age of 40+), as I approached the door of that shop time after time, never quite brave enough to go in. 

You see, I wanted to graduate from department store lingerie to something that made me feel playful, alluring, daring, sensual, and mysterious, like the women I'd see in magazines or in the city.

I wanted to feel sensationally, astronomically, out-of-this-world sexy.

And one of the keys to this I felt was inside of that shop.

But I couldn’t get myself over the threshold. Until one day I did. 

And wow, how the journey changed me.  

Here's my 6 step guide to getting you, too inside of that shop and up-leveling your sexy in ways you'd never imagined. 

Step 1

Know you will survive this.

So this one isn’t really a step, per say, but it’s very important to remember that you will come out of the shop alive. That’s pretty much a guarantee.   

It might not feel like it right now, but its a probably truth.

Unless your heart stops at your incredible sexiness. Which it could. Take the risk?

Step 2

Now that we’ve put things into perspective, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

You’re gonna need to warm up before you actually go into the shop: practicing some major time body love.

What do I mean by that? I mean that every time you look in that mirror either clothed or naked, you give yourself 3 compliments for every 1 criticism. THREE for every 1.

Do this for a week. At least.

Your mind needs to learn to be nicer to yourself if you’re going to have fun on your adventure.

It’s probably never be trained properly, so now we’re gonna tame that monkey. With everthing we’ve got.

Remember: 3 for 1

Step 3

Once that monkey is well in it’s cage, think about the ‘right’ store.

As I mentioned, I went to Agent Provocateur, not because I could afford it (I couldn’t at the time), but because it was upmarket, luxurious, elegant, and also playful, fun and there was defo some stuff in there I’d never imagine trying on.

It’s not your mamma’s lingerie shop.

It also didn’t feel like a sleazy place, though it definitely pushed my edge.

I would eventually shop here for real, as I do also at Donna Summers (sort of the UK version of Victoria’s Secrets but a bit more ‘racy’). It took me ages longer to go into Donna Summers though as ‘cheap’ was one of the many words I heard that were equated with women who were sexy, light, fun and playful in their sexuality.

If I was spending a lot of money, I could not be ‘cheap’, right?

OOoo the mind.

Monkey, get back in the cage!
 

Step 4

Go into the shop.

Easier said than done you say? I agree. Totally.

Oooo how many times did I circle that store in Soho. Like a vulture. Or rather some sort of tiny, timid, frightened animal (how I wish I were as fierce as a vulture!).

Tiny because the women in the magazines were tall and leggy and knew a lot more than I did and so I felt small and too this and that and not enough of the other. Monkeeeeeeyyyyy!!!

He’s back in the cage. Cause I had trained for this. Hard!

And there I was, pushing my way through the door.

I was able to look the shop keepers in the eye (after years of lowering my head in embarrassment and shame in the face of lace, this wasn’t an easy one), and lo and behold they looked nice! And not at all scary like I had in my mind.

Why did I feel these women were scary? That is a dissertation I can save for another time, but basically a woman in her full sexual power is scary. Why do you think we’ve been shamed and oppressed for so long from our full sexy forces. When you own this part of you as a woman you are powerful, amazing, uncontrollable, mind-blowing (literally), and therefore a force to be reckoned with. And silenced. And shamed. And tamed.

Well, me no longer.

But I’m going to put that on hold for now as I could go on and on but we’re in the shop now!!!
 

Step 5

Try stuff on.

OMG. Yes. Please!! Try as much stuff on as you can. Especially the stuff that you could never imagine yourself trying on, which for me was pretty much all of it. Ha!

What helped me was when one of the shopkeepers asked if she could help. And I hesitated (as the sweat dripped down my body...you see, I was in but it was still quite nerve-racking to be managing all the feels I was feeling).

And she asked, ‘Well, what role do you want to play? How do you want to feel?’.

I probably looked at her quizzically, as she then pulled from the rack a pink tassely type thing and said, ‘Here you can be a Roman goddess’...or with this one you could be like a Spanish flamenco dancer’?

It was like Halloween? Or role play? Whatever was going on, it worked. It made it less scary.

I could try on these strappy, sexy numbers, step into my roman goddess or whatever, and it felt like fun.

I could explore what it must have been like to be these beautiful women archetypes. I’d eventually learn to tap into so many of these incredible flavours of sexy inside of myself with or without the lace and tassels, but right now it was what I needed.

Game on!

I was in there for hours.

Top tip: Now’s the time to deploy the mind exercise I told you about if you need. 3 positive things. You’ll be looking in that mirror a lot.

Step 6

Wear it at home. Alone.

Sometimes it takes a bit of time to grow into new clothes.

And whilst I felt beautiful like I never had before trying that stuff out in the shop, I also felt unsure about it. I mean, when would I actually wear this stuff? And why? I was single!! For what felt like could be indefinitely?! Help!!  

I got that stuff for me. For myself. To learn how to step into parts of me that went into hiding. That never grew up or out. That were squished in there. Quieted. Silenced. But definitely not forever.

I had begun to find these parts of myself in the shop, to taste and to feel all of the different flavours of beauty inside of me.

I was stepping into the place of the women in the magazines. I was taking my place amongst them, not because I changed careers and became a supermodel, but because I was stepping into my sexiness and the power that comes with that as a woman who owns it.

Am I perfect at it? Nope. Do I still look at magazines and feel like a little girl? Sometimes. A lot more often, I look into the mirror and see staring back at me a beautiful, sexy woman.

And I smile at her. She owns it. And wow, is she a presence.  

Note: not all women in photos in magazines look sexy or powerful all the time.