If you’re like me, you’ll have noticed that perimenopause is changing not just your body, but how you feel about intimacy too. Perhaps your libido isn't what it used to be, or physical changes have made sex uncomfortable. Maybe you're avoiding intimate moments altogether, feeling disconnected from the sensual, confident woman you once knew.
You're far from alone in this experience. As a certified sex coach and intimacy specialist working with women in London and globally through online sessions, I've walked alongside countless women as they move through this transition. What I've learned is this: menopause doesn't mean the end of satisfying intimacy—like every transition, it's often the beginning of something deeper, more authentic, and ultimately more fulfilling, even if it looks different from what it was before.
Let me share what's really happening in your body, heart and mind during this transition, and more importantly, how you can reclaim your sexual confidence with compassion and practical support.
Understanding Menopause and Your Changing Sexuality
Menopause is a profound biological shift that affects every aspect of your sexual wellbeing. The decline in estrogen and other hormones doesn't just trigger hot flashes—it fundamentally alters how your body responds to intimacy, how you experience desire, and how you perceive yourself as a sexual being.
This isn't about pathologizing a natural process. It's about acknowledging that this transition matters, and that struggling with it doesn't make you broken or lacking. Though it certainly can feel like it.
The Physical Reality: What's Happening in Your Body
Vaginal Dryness and Painful Intercourse
One of the most common yet rarely discussed challenges is vaginal atrophy—the thinning and drying of vaginal tissue caused by reduced estrogen. This can make penetrative sex genuinely painful, not just uncomfortable. And when sex hurts, your body and mind naturally begin to avoid it, creating a cycle that erodes intimacy and confidence.
The good news? This is entirely treatable. From high-quality lubricants and vaginal moisturizers to localized hormone therapy, there are numerous solutions we can consider together and that you can further explore with your doctor.
As a somatic-based coach, I help women reconnect with their bodies in ways that honor both pleasure and comfort. And embrace all of the different ways that you can get support in reclaiming confidence and pleasure in intimacy.
Low Libido and Hormonal Shifts
Many women experience a noticeable drop in sexual desire during perimenopause and menopause. Your libido might feel like it's disappeared entirely. This isn't a character flaw nor is it necessarily a relationship problem—it's a biological response to hormonal fluctuations, often compounded by fatigue, mood changes, and the stress of managing multiple life demands.
Understanding that low libido in women during menopause is common as it helps remove the shame. From there, we can explore what reignites your desire, whether that's through hormone support, lifestyle changes, or reimagining what intimacy looks like for you now.
Body Image and the Emotional Landscape
Menopause often brings visible changes—weight redistribution, skin elasticity, hair texture. These shifts can profoundly affect how you see yourself and, consequently, how comfortable you feel being intimate and vulnerable.
Body image struggles during peri after menopause are rarely just about appearance. They're about identity, about mourning one phase of life and learning to embrace the next. In my coaching practice, we work through these feelings with gentleness, helping you develop a relationship with your body that's rooted in appreciation rather than criticism.
The Psychological Impact: Anxiety, Shame, and Avoidance
Physical changes inevitably affect your emotional landscape. You might feel:
Anxiety before intimate moments, worrying about pain or whether you'll feel desire
Shame about your changing body or decreased libido
Grief for the spontaneous sexuality you once experienced
Fear that your partner will lose interest or patience
These feelings are valid and understandable. Overcoming sexual shame is a crucial part of rebuilding confidence, and it requires both self-compassion and often, professional support through sex and intimacy coaching.
Your Holistic Path to Renewed Sexual Confidence
Reclaiming your sexuality after menopause isn't about forcing yourself back to how things were. It's about discovering what pleasure, connection, and confidence look like in this new chapter of your life.
Addressing Physical Comfort First
Solutions for Vaginal Dryness and Pain
Don't resign yourself to painful sex. There are effective ways to ease it:
Lubricants: There are many options that provide longer-lasting comfort
Vaginal moisturizers: Used regularly (not just during sex) to restore tissue health
Localized estrogen therapy: Creams or tablets that address atrophy directly
Pelvic floor physiotherapy: Strengthening these muscles improves sensation and reduces discomfort. I personally work with the jade egg to improve strength whilst building a renewed body-mind connection and sense of the sacred in my sexuality.
As your sexual wellbeing coach, I can help you navigate these options and connect you with trusted healthcare providers who understand the full picture of medical support for menopausal sexuality.
Exploring New Expressions of Intimacy
This is your invitation to expand your definition of sex and pleasure. Perhaps penetration was central before—what if you explored:
Extended sensual touch and massage
Non-goal-oriented pleasure focused on sensation
Sacred sexuality practices that emphasize energy and connection
Different positions or activities that feel more comfortable
This isn't about settling for less. It's about discovering forms of intimacy that might actually be more satisfying and authentic to who you are now.
Nurturing Your Emotional and Relational Wellbeing
Opening Communication with Your Partner
If you're in a relationship, learning how to talk about sex openly can transform not just your intimate life, but your entire connection. Many couples I work with in couples therapy and intimacy coaching discover that menopause, while challenging, becomes a catalyst for deeper honesty and creativity in their relationship.
Conversations might include:
Sharing what physical sensations feel good now
Expressing fears or insecurities without judgment
Exploring each other's evolving desires
Addressing mismatched libido with compassion and collaboration
For couples navigating mismatched libido—where one partner wants more sex than the other—this requires particular care and often benefits from professional couples sex therapy and coaching to find solutions that honor both partners' needs.
Challenging Internalized Shame and Negative Self-Talk
The messages we've internalized about aging, desirability, and female sexuality often become loudest during menopause. My approach to sexual confidence through coaching helps you identify and challenge these beliefs, replacing them with a more compassionate, accurate narrative about your worth and desirability.
You are not less valuable, less sexy, or less worthy of pleasure because of menopause. Rather, your wisdom deepens as you transition into the years of the sage should you choose to embrace it.
Mindfulness, Embodiment, and Self-Compassion
Somatic-based coaching techniques help you:
Stay present during intimate moments rather than spiraling into anxious thoughts
Reconnect with bodily sensations and pleasure signals
Develop self-compassion during this significant life transition
Access your body's wisdom about what feels good and right and learn to trust it
The practices that I teach for these aren't abstract theory—they're practical tools and skills that you can develop to shift how you experience yourself and intimacy.
When to Seek Professional Support
Sometimes rebuilding sexual confidence requires guidance beyond what you can do alone or with a supportive partner. That's not weakness—it's wisdom.
How Sex Coaching and Therapy Can Help
As a certified sex coach specializing in women's sexual wellbeing, conscious intimate relationships, and trauma-informed approaches, I provide:
Safe, confidential space to explore your concerns without judgment
Practical strategies tailored to your unique situation and goals
Somatic exercises to reconnect with pleasure and desire
Communication frameworks for talking with partners about sex
Support for specific concerns like low libido, painful sex, or body image struggles
Whether you're dealing with anxiety around sex, shifts in your relationship or simply want to enhance your sexual wellbeing during this transition, specialized coaching can be transformative.
Working Together: In London and Online Worldwide
I offer both in-person sex therapy in London and online sex coaching via Zoom for clients globally. The benefit of online sessions is accessibility and comfort—many women find it easier to discuss intimate matters from their own homes.
My approach integrates:
Trauma-informed care that honors your history and healing
Sacred sexuality principles that view intimacy as a holistic, spiritual experience
Evidence-based interventions for specific concerns like low libido or painful sex
Relationship coaching that strengthens connection alongside individual wellbeing
Your Next Step Toward Sexual Confidence
Rebuilding your sexual confidence after menopause is both possible and profoundly rewarding. This journey involves honoring your body's changes, nurturing your emotional landscape, reimagining intimacy, and seeking support when you need it.
Your sexuality doesn't end with menopause—it evolves. And with the right guidance and self-compassion, it can become richer, more authentic, and more satisfying than you might imagine.
If you're ready to explore how sex and intimacy coaching can support you in reclaiming your sexual confidence and deepening your intimate relationships, I invite you to take the next step.
Book a complimentary, confidential consultation to discuss how we can work together, or learn more about my coaching approach and what to expect from our sessions.
You deserve pleasure, connection, and confidence in your intimate life—at every stage.