The double-edged sword of fear in dating during Covid is real and it’s out there.
On the one hand there’s the fear of catching the virus if you meet too many potential partners by putting yourself in situations conducive to exactly that – like hanging out in bars.
On the other hand there are the more familiar fears that come along with dating – like having our hearts broken (again), or of wasting our time (again), or whether there’s just something intrinsically wrong with you because no one (ever) feels right.
So I’ve put together this list to help bring you some clarity and help you beat the Covid dating blues.
10 ways to date more easily in difficult times:
Let the sparks fly in the space created. So many people I speak to have said that they are loving the fact that Covid has brought back long-lost courtship. Get to know each other at a bit of a distance and use the 1 meter’s distance guideline, especially if masks feel super un-sexy.
Be in reality with the risk factor. It’s ok to ask if your date has been around anyone with Covid recently or if they have any symptoms so you know what you are working with. The decision is then up to you to meet them or not. If you wear a mask on a date, you are protecting yourself. If your date wears a mask too, you are doubly protected. Find one you like and rock it.
Magnetise. If you find yourself drawn towards your date physically, then great! There’s attraction here. Verbalise this so that they understand what is going on with you. Perhaps you’d like to come closer but are holding back because of the risk of contacting Covid. It’s important that the other person understand the distinction between holding back because of fear of the virus, or otherwise so that the other person understands where you stand – that you’re interested…and precautionary. Easier said than done, you say?
Words are the sexiest thing! In ordinary times you might have made a move or indicated through body language that you wanted to step closer. Now is the time to practice ‘speaking your truth’. If you establish open and honest communication channels this early on in dating a potential mate, then you are setting a strong foundation for deeper connection and even for better sex. Emotional and physical intimacy is determined by your ability to share what is going on with you. Share that you’d love to come closer. And listen with an open mind and heart what is going on with the other person.
Consent is key. Connect physically when both of you feel good about it. Consent here is key so you want to check in with the other person to see how they feel about moving forward. They may not feel ready yet or in a position to accept the risk of contracting the virus. Or they may just need more time to come close to you and feel emotionally safe in doing so. Be open to hearing where your date is at. And if you’d like clarity, you can ask for it directly with questions like, ‘
Build resilience. Hold yourself no matter what the response is. There’s no guarantee that the person you’re on a date with will like you back. Or that you’ll like them. Or that it will work out even if there is mutual attraction. What you DO know deep down, is that you are going to be more than ok no matter what.
Stay steady. Because if you stay steady in your quest to find love, that eventually it will come to you. No matter how many times it hasn’t. So when you are there on the ground on a date and it’s all happening, dig deep for this truth. Send yourself a huge love bomb. And cheer yourself on for continuing your pursuits. It will pay off. Trust me.
Slow down but don’t stop. Be selective about who you meet. Hop on a few video dates before agreeing to meet in person. Enjoy the conversation and connection this brings through ‘being’ together more than ‘doing’ stuff. This can also take the edge off of a ‘first date’ as you become just familiar enough with one another to get an initial sense of how you both are.
Stretch into the life you loved living and do the things you love and remember from pre-C times. Museums and theatres are open. Cafés and restaurants too. It’s so easy to look for stuff to do and see only the restrictions or closures. Keep your mind focused on what IS. What there is to do even if in a modified format.
Get support. And if you find that you keep on attracting the wrong kind of person despite it all, consider investing in doing some deeper work to understand what is at the bottom of it all. With this insight, you’ll be able to make the changes necessary within you to get the love you want in the outside world. This is what coaching can do for you. Send me a message and we’ll talk about how.