Empowered men love powerful women. They love to see you at your best.

They are not threatened by your intelligence or your ambition, your ability to speak your opinion and articulate your point of view. They love your initiative to do things on your own and be pro-active.

In fact, they can’t get enough these things. They know what they themselves are worth (hence empowerment), and are craving a companion with a similar depth and curiosity for life that he has.

But many women still hold on to the belief that it’s their badass qualities scare guys away. Here is where the misunderstanding lies. For in fact, there is a dark side to being an incredibly badass hyper intelligent driven woman that does send men away.

Here’s what that looks like.

You are independent.

Men love it that you are:

Ambitious and go for what you want in life

You have your own social life

You are financially stable

How it makes him feel when this is in balance within you:

I feel like I’m free.

I know she chooses me because she wants to be with me. Not because of what I have.

She takes ownership of her life – I’m not solely responsible for her wellbeing.

We can support and take care of one another.

How it makes him feel when the dark side appears

I want to support her as much as she supports me – we’re in this together. She just never lets me in.

She doesn’t trust me to help her.

I don’t feel like I add much value to her life.

We sometimes use our sense of independence as a wall between us and them. A kind of protective mechanism for our hearts. Only it keeps us from love.

We know we can take care of ourselves. We tell ourselves that we can do it better.

The thing is, as humans we’re all interdependent anyway. No one person is an island. We rely on family and friends. It’s ok to get help and support from a guy. And he wants to give to you.

Yes, you can do things on your own. He knows this. And so do you. You don’t have to prove it to anyone.

Receive what he’s got to give with grace and gratitude.

You are intelligent.

Men love it that you:

Are super smart and are ace at what you do.

That you have a great mind.

That you have a quick-witted sense of humour.

How it makes him feel…

He knows that he can have an intelligent conversation with you.

He likes that you challenge him.

You are fun to be around.

How it makes him feel when the dark side appears

I just can’t connect with her.

I wonder how she really feels.

Wow, she’s really in her mind. I wonder if she can relax.

If you feel you have to dumb down the conversation then you may be mis-reading this guy’s ability to follow you. Keep an open mind and see what comes from further conversation.

People express intelligence in different ways. Give this guy a chance to show how his mind works. You might just learn a thing or two.

Relax into the moment and re-connect with your body. Speak from your heart as much as your head and see what happens.

You are a powerful leader.

Men love it that you:

Can take charge of challenging situations.

Own it at work and in life.

And don’t apologise for it.

How it makes him feel…

Proud of the work you are doing in the world.

Grateful that you let him be part of it.

Attracted to you - you know that you’ve ‘got it’ – and that’s so sexy

How it makes him feel when the dark side appears

There is no space for him to show how he cares. There’s no space for him to give freely. There’s no room for his voice to be heard. And that he’s in competition with you.

If there is a part of you that feels unsafe or threatened by men, then you may show up in a way that compensates for this. For example, if you find yourself talking over your date or having to constantly be right, then you may feel the need to prove your position.

This behaviour actually doesn’t come for a place of power but from fear. Fear that we’re not powerful enough. That our viewpoint is not recognised. That we are not heard.

As in all healthy conversation and communication there is balance between the two people in listening and sharing. We all want to be heard, acknowledged and understood. If there is a power dynamic at play then it is difficult for healthy communication to happen.

Create space for sharing and for listening with empathy, kindness and compassion.

Empowered men love to see you at your best. They are not threatened by your beauty or your intelligence or your ambition.

Because they know their own worth.

They do want to be seen, heard, appreciated and understood.

So meet them with your gifts.

And may love blossom.