I LOVE ME A HAIRY MAN
AND the thought of one retreating into a cave brings out the primal, wild woman in me...
Well, actually it’s more like…
Will he ever emerge?
Have I lost him forever to the deep dark depths of the earth?
I’ve gotten much better with losing Naz to his ‘cave’ (in this case his pool table).
In fact, now I even welcome the retreat.
A part of me does remain fearful of the temporary void it presents.
It’s the part of me that is afraid of being abandoned or left behind or forgotten.
And she used to HATE the man cave
Because it’s inaccessible and feels cold and dark.
And then I got a flashlight.
I asked a bunch of guys what IS it about the man cave that is so...well...necessary?
Wow, did I learn a LOT.
Here are all the reasons I got from talking to loads of guys about why we should be grateful for this deep, dark place:
If you want a man who's powerful, full of energy, present with you, able to give, is compassionate and loving then he'll need his space
In his man cave he:
- fills himself up so he can give the best of himself (rather than just what is left)
- can better serve the relationship
- does some deep healing work on himself - he processes through emotions and takes a look inwards
- he lets the pressures of life drop away and relaxes
- problem solves and works through things, strengthening his own resolve and managing his emotions
- seeks to protect you from what he is feeling if he thinks it might be too much
- builds testosterone so he can show up in life strong
- do nothing...he just needs some rest
GUYS - If you just need some time for yourself for any of the above, and you find a woman freaking out, just let her know that you need some space to process thru things so you can show up fully present so you can give her your best. She'll love you for it!
** WARNING There is a shadow side though **
Excessive time in the man cave can be a way that the person is avoiding things, whether that be a difficult conversation or dealing with his own emotions.
If you think this is what's happening here, you can invite your guy into conversation.
If this feels impossible, you can PM me. I work with couples to build communication so they can relate better and love more easily.