I want you to jump from two feet into the bedroom, when you feel finally ready to be intimate with a certain someone you might have just started dating.
And not only that, I want you to have the best sex possible when you do.
And so, I wanted to break out this bit of a conversation from a video I had posted a few weeks back with Nichi Hodgeson, journalist on all things sexy for the likes of the Guardian and Sky News that will help you to do so.
You see, consent is key to connection.
And connection is the key to great sex.
Especially if you are new to dating someone.
It's key to know what feels good for you – and what doesn't. And to voice it.
So open communication becomes a foundation to your relationship.
Nichi breaks consent down for us beautifully in this video.
She explains that consent is deciding ‘Do I want to do this right now with this person?’
And then listening to your body and your mind.
And remembering your values.
And then deciding do you want to go ahead with it – or not.
We make hundreds of decisions a day and consent to lots of little tiny things whether they feel good or not.
In fact, many times we ignore what our bodies are telling us because we feel that we ‘have’ to.
For example have you ever sat through work meetings for hours when you’d rather be getting on with what you’ve got to do. Or simple would love to have a stretch and a stroll?
In the video Nichi explains, we’re actually pretty good at ignoring what our bodies want and consenting anyway.
What we don’t do so well is voice when we don’t want something.
So it’s important when you are with someone, to notice how your body feels – and be upfront about it.
Be firm with yourself if you are not sure and say, ‘Hey could we take a minute?’
Know that you can change your mind.
Buy yourself some time. Get some space
Go to the bathroom for a moment.
When you come back, be real about what is going on.
‘I’m having a great time with you but can we do something else instead.’
Or suggest something that you’d rather do.
If words are difficult then put someone’s hand on your body in a way that feels good to be touched.
A strong ‘No’ is wonderful to hear
Because when that becomes a strong ‘Yes’ one day, the person you are with knows they can trust it.
It takes a strong ‘No’ to get to a strong ‘Yes’.
And with a strong ‘Yes’ that can be trusted, deep connection results.
And connected sex is soooooo good.