You’re considering reaching out to a sex coach. Maybe you've been thinking about it for months, or perhaps a recent experience pushed you to finally take action and have a consultation call. You might be feeling a mixture of relief, nervousness, and uncertainty. And if you’re like me, nameless fear as you wonder what to expect.
What will we talk about? Will I have to share embarrassing details? What if I freeze up and can't explain what I need? Will they judge me?
These questions are completely normal. As a certified sex and intimacy coach working with individuals and couples in London and globally through online sessions, I've sat across from hundreds of people in that first session. I understand the vulnerability it takes to show up and talk about something so personal, tender and meaningful.
So let me walk you through exactly what happens in that first session—and more importantly, help you understand why taking this step is one of the most powerful things you can do for your sexual wellbeing and intimate relationships.
Understanding Sex Coaching: What It Is (And What It Isn't)
Before we dive into what your first session looks like, let's clarify what sex coaching actually involves.
As a therapeutic sex coach who is trauma-informed, I work with sensitive issues whilst holding a focus on moving you forward.
Sex coaching builds self-awareness, self-compassion and relational intelligence whilst also taking an educational, skill-building, and empowerment-focused approach that helps you enhance your sexual wellbeing, develop new practices, and achieve specific goals around intimacy.
That said, these approaches often overlap and complement each other beautifully. Many of my clients work with both a therapist (for past trauma or mental health) and a sex coach (for practical skill-building and intimate relationship enhancement).
Unlike a licensed sex therapist, I do not diagnose and treat medical conditions affecting sexuality.
What Does a Certified Sex Coach Actually Do?
As a certified sex coach specializing in complex relational dynamics and somatic-based approaches to intimacy, I help clients with:
Low libido in women and men: Understanding what's blocking desire and finding pathways back to it
Performance anxiety in men: Addressing erectile concerns, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or pressure to perform
Mismatched libido in couples: Creating solutions when partners want different frequencies of intimacy
Sexual confidence: Rebuilding your sense of yourself as a sexual being after life changes, trauma, or relationship challenges
Communication about sex: Learning how to express desires, boundaries, and needs effectively
Conscious intimate relationships: Developing deeper connection through sacred sexuality and mindful presence
Painful sex: Exploring physical, emotional, mental and relational factors contributing to discomfort
Sexual shame: Unraveling cultural, religious, familial or personal messages that limit your pleasure
Intimacy after trauma: Trauma-informed approaches to reclaiming sexuality safely
The common thread? I help you understand your unique sexual landscape and develop practical skills to create the intimate life you want.
What Actually Happens in Your First Sex Coaching Session
Your first session typically lasts 75-90 minutes (sometimes longer than subsequent sessions) because we're laying important groundwork. Here's what you can expect:
Creating Safety and Confidentiality
The very first thing I do is establish the parameters of our work together—and most importantly, assure you that everything you share is completely confidential. This isn't just a nice sentiment; it's legally protected and ethically fundamental to my practice.
I want you to understand that:
Nothing you say will shock me: I've heard it all, and my role is to create a judgment-free space
You control what you share: You never have to disclose anything you're uncomfortable discussing
We move at your pace: If something feels too vulnerable, we can slow down or approach it differently
This is your session: You're in charge of what we focus on
Many clients tell me that simply feeling this safety allows them to relax in ways they haven't in years. For those who struggle with how to talk about sex in a relationship or have internalized shame around their sexuality, this non-judgmental space can be genuinely transformative.
Getting to Know You: Your Story and Context
I'll invite you to share what brought you to sex coaching. This might include:
Your current concerns: Are you experiencing low libido? Performance anxiety? Pain during sex? Feeling disconnected from your partner? Struggling with desire?
Your relationship context: Are you in a committed relationship, dating, single and wanting to prepare for future intimacy, or exploring your sexuality independently?
Relevant background: While we don't dive deep into trauma history in the first session, understanding key experiences that shape your current sexuality helps me support you appropriately. As a trauma-informed coach, I'm trained to hold space for these experiences safely.
What you've already tried: Have you read books, tried apps, talked with friends, seen a talk therapist? Understanding what hasn't worked helps us avoid repeating those paths.
Your life context: Work stress, parenting demands, health conditions, cultural or religious background—all these factors influence your sexual wellbeing and intimacy.
Here's what's important: I'm listening for patterns, not judging your story. I'm noticing what lights you up when you talk about it, where shame or anxiety appears, and what resources you already have that we can build on.
Clarifying Your Goals and Desires
This is where we shift from understanding the problem to envisioning the solution. I'll ask questions like:
What would your ideal intimate life look like?
If we work together for three months and you feel our sessions were successful, what will have changed?
What would you like to feel more of? (Desire, confidence, connection, pleasure, freedom, playfulness?)
What would you like to feel less of? (Anxiety, shame, pressure, pain, disconnection?)
For some clients, goals are very specific: "I want to be able to have penetrative sex without pain" or "I want to overcome erectile anxiety." For others, they're more expansive: "I want to feel comfortable in my body during intimacy" or "I want to reconnect with my partner erotically."
Both types of goals are valuable. We'll work together to make them specific and achievable while honoring the bigger vision you have for your sexual wellbeing.
Understanding How We'll Work Together
I'll explain my approach to sex and intimacy coaching, which includes:
Somatic-based practices: Working with your body and nervous system, not just talking about sex intellectually. This might include breathwork, embodiment exercises, or mindfulness practices.
Trauma-informed care: If you have a history of sexual trauma or adverse experiences, our work will be paced carefully to avoid re-traumatization while helping you reclaim your sexuality.
Holistic perspective: We'll look at the whole picture—physical health, emotional wellbeing, relationship dynamics, stress, lifestyle, and spiritual connection (if relevant to you).
Practical tools: You'll leave most sessions with specific exercises, practices, or experiments to try between our meetings.
Sacred sexuality principles (if this resonates with you): Viewing intimacy as a pathway to deeper consciousness, connection, and energy cultivation.
I'll also explain logistics: session frequency (typically biweekly), how we communicate between sessions, what homework looks like, and how we'll track progress.
Initial Assessment and Next Steps
By the end of the first session, we'll have a preliminary roadmap. This might include:
Immediate areas of focus: What we'll work on first
Practices to begin: Simple exercises you can start right away
Resources: Books, articles, or tools that might support your journey
Potential referrals: If you need medical evaluation (for pain or erectile issues) or psychological support, I'll recommend appropriate professionals
Session plan: How often we'll meet and what to expect over the coming weeks
What We Won't Do in the First Session
It's also helpful to know what doesn't happen:
No graphic demonstrations: Sex coaching is talk-based and educational; there's no physical touch or sexual activity
No pressure to disclose everything: You share what feels right; there's no requirement to detail your entire sexual history
No empty promises: While I'll give you some initial tools for some immediate results, but know that deep change takes time—I'm not promising quick fixes
No judgment about your choices: Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, exploring kink, or have specific religious values, I respect your choices
Common Questions About First Sex Coaching Sessions
"Will I Have to Talk About Embarrassing Things?"
The things that feel most embarrassing to you are often exactly what need to be discussed—and they're likely not remotely embarrassing to me. Remember, this is my professional specialty. What feels shameful to you is probably something I've addressed with dozens of clients.
That said, you never have to share anything you're not ready to discuss. We can take an indirect approach to sensitive topics until you feel comfortable being more explicit.
"What If I Can't Articulate What's Wrong?"
Many clients come to me saying, "I don't know exactly what the problem is, I just know something's not right." That's completely fine. Part of my role is helping you develop language and clarity around your concerns. We'll explore finding a language for them together.
"Can My Partner Come to the First Session?"
This depends on your situation:
Couples sex coaching: If you're seeking support as a couple, yes—both partners typically attend from the beginning. We'll explore each person's perspective and find shared goals.
Individual coaching first: Sometimes one partner benefits from individual sessions initially, especially if there's personal shame, trauma, or confidence issues to address before involving their partner.
We can discuss what makes most sense for your unique situation during our initial consultation.
"How Will Online Sex Coaching Work?"
Many of my clients work with me via Zoom globally, and online sex coaching is remarkably effective. You'll be in a private, comfortable space (your home, office with door closed, car if needed). Video allows me to pick up on non-verbal cues while you remain in your own environment.
Benefits b online coaching include:
Accessing specialized support regardless of location
Comfort of your own space
Flexibility in scheduling
Easier for couples with busy schedules or childcare challenges
"What If I Realize It's Not the Right Fit?"
Finding the right coach or therapist is crucial. If after the first session (or consultation) you don't feel we're a good match, that's valuable information. I'd rather you find someone who resonates with you than continue working with someone who doesn't feel right.
Part of the first session is assessing this mutual fit. Do you feel heard? Does my approach make sense to you? Do you feel hopeful that this could help?
Preparing for Your First Session
To make the most of your initial appointment:
Reflect beforehand on what you want to gain from sex coaching. Jot down notes if helpful.
Be honest about your concerns, even if they feel trivial or embarrassing. What seems small often isn't.
Prepare questions you have about the coaching process, my background, or my approach.
Ensure privacy if we're meeting online—find a space where you won't be interrupted or overheard.
Be gentle with yourself afterward. First sessions can bring up unexpected emotions. Plan something nurturing for after our call.
What Happens After the First Session
Following our initial meeting, you'll have clarity about:
Whether sex coaching is the right approach for your concerns
What our work together might look like over the coming weeks or months
Specific initial practices or exercises to begin
When we'll meet next and what we'll focus on
Most clients leave the first session feeling a mixture of relief (that they've finally addressed this), hope (that change is possible), and perhaps vulnerability (having opened up about sensitive topics). All of these are normal and healthy responses.
Is Sex Coaching Right for You?
Sex coaching can be valuable if you're experiencing:
✓ Persistent challenges with desire, arousal, or pleasure
✓ Communication difficulties about sex with your partner
✓ Sexual shame or anxiety limiting your intimate experiences
✓ Life transitions affecting your sexuality (menopause, parenthood, aging, illness)
✓ Desire to deepen your intimate connection and explore new dimensions of sexuality
✓ Performance concerns or confidence issues
✓ Mismatched libido creating tension in your relationship
✓ Recovery from sexual trauma and readiness to reclaim sexuality
✓ Curiosity about conscious intimacy, sacred sexuality, or tantric practices
Sex coaching may not be appropriate if:
✗ You're experiencing severe mental health crisis requiring immediate clinical intervention
✗ You need medical diagnosis or treatment for sexual dysfunction (though I can refer you to appropriate providers)
✗ You're not ready to actively engage in the process or implement practices between sessions
Your Journey Begins With One Conversation
Taking that first step to book a session with a sex coach requires courage. It means acknowledging that your intimate life matters enough to invest in it. It means being willing to be vulnerable about something our culture teaches us to keep private. It means choosing growth over resignation.
I want you to know: you don't have to navigate these challenges alone. Whether you're struggling with low libido, performance anxiety, communication about intimacy, painful sex, sexual shame, or simply want to enhance your already-satisfying intimate life—support is available.
As a certified sex and intimacy coach trained in somatic-based and trauma-informed approaches, I create a safe, compassionate space for exploring these deeply personal aspects of your life. Working with clients in London and globally through online sessions, I've witnessed countless individuals and couples transform their relationship with sexuality and intimacy.
Your first session is simply a conversation—one where you're finally heard, understood, and supported in creating the intimate life you deserve.
Book your complimentary consultation to explore whether sex coaching is right for you, or learn more about my approach to intimacy and relationship coaching.
The intimate life you desire is possible. Let's explore it together.
