Love junkie or love cynic? This could be stopping you from being in (true) love.

There are some that are addicted to the fantasy of love. These are the Romantics. They believe wholeheartedly in an idealised relationship. A starry-eyed kind of love that looks and feels like it does in the movies. 🤩

You just need to find ‘the one’.

And with this perfect other, everything is easy and breezy and good and makes us feel whole.

….Wait, what?!....

I was chatting with Shelby Leigh, and listening in quiet disbelief as she described her most recent work in a decade-long career as a somatic psychotherapist, meditation teacher and certified coach.

Was Shelby seriously telling me that there are people out there that still believe the myth of Romanticism? 🙀

Maybe you, dear reader, are one of these tender hearted optimistic people.

If so, I’d love to hear from you.  

You see, I’m more used to the words of the ‘love cynics’. Those who have come to resign themselves to the fact that there is most likely not a ‘one.’ They believe more in the chance (maybe it’s even their deepest fear) that there is actually NO one out there for them. 😶

In fact, if you are like I was, single for what feels like forEVER, you’d definitely be more convinced that NO one is the only ‘one’ you might ever know.

And perhaps have even begun to resign yourself to that fact.

Anyway, all of your friends in relationships just complain about them anyway. So you wonder whether or not it’s even worth it to stay subscribed to this newsletter.

Well, I’ve invited Shelby to tell us about her experience working with the Romantics, or ‘love junkies’ as she calls them. Because what she’s learned about helping them find love applies to us cynics as well. 🧐⚡

As is mentioned in this wonderful article, ‘How Romanticism Ruined Love’, from the School of Life,

“We need to piece together a post-Romantic theory of couples, because in order to make a relationship last we almost have to be disloyal to the Romantic emotions that get us into it in the first place.

The idea of being ‘post-Romantic’ shouldn’t imply cynicism; that one has abandoned the hope of relationships ever working out well. The post-Romantic attitude is just as ambitious about good relationships, but it has a very different sense of how to honour the hopes.”

In this video Shelby and I discuss how you can begin to form a beautiful relationship full of love that lasts over time whilst knowing that nothing is ever perfect.

And perhaps it’s the imperfection itself that is what is exactly right for us. 😌

You’ll learn some simple practices that Shelby uses with her clients to great effect.

So much so that even as ‘love junkies’ fall once again into love, they stumble along with the best of us having learned how to navigate the sometimes turbulent, sometimes blissful waters of real love. 🐳

The real secret to absolute confidence in dating (and life)

Self-pleasure. 

Yup, That's the secret. And I'm going to stand behind this bold statement because it's so true.

You can only be confident in your sexiness – truly confident – if you know your body inside and out. 

Sometimes this means understanding your anatomy better so you feel less 'in the dark' about what's going on in there. 

Sometimes it means knowing what turns you on. What gets you pumping the break. And what causes you to slam down so hard on that thing that the whole entire beautiful machine that is your body and your voyage to pleasure comes to a screeching halt. 

And sometimes it means learning to feel safe in our own bodies.

Imagine that you trusted your body completely, that you knew exactly what she wanted and needed at any time, and that you felt safe in your own sexiness. I'm talking about YOU being in charge here, no one else. 

Would that make you feel confident in dating? Hell yes! 

Would that make you feel confident in bed? That's another hell yes!! (Even got 2 exclams)

Developing a self-pleasure practice is key. And by practice I mean just that:

• Something that you do regularly so you get good at it

• Something that you PRACTICE at. That means sometimes falling down, sometimes not having it be what you thought it was, sometimes not knowing what the hell you are doing.

• Because you are learning

In this video I give some basic steps into getting started with self-pleasure. 

If you don't know where to begin, start here. 

So much love to you!

5 essential ingredients to tell you if your date is long-term material

Learn how your ‘dating relationship’ can tell you about your chances for it lasting long-term in beautiful bliss.

Your dating experience with someone RIGHT NOW can help determine where it’s headed. 

I’ve created this { FREE } Scoresheet to help you measure your chances: https://www.lushcoaching.com/longtermlove

There are 5 essential ingredients that are the key to beautiful long-term relationships, according to the professionals. And some of them might surprise you.

The good news is that even if you score a bit low with some of the ‘ingredients’, you can definitely work on strengthening them and making your relationship stronger for it, even if you are just beginning to date.

Fact of the matter is, if you want to be in a relationship where you will thrive, you’ll need these in place to get you there. 

I thought that having shared interests was vital to a long-lasting relationship (or at least pretty important I would have thought), but that’s not what the experts say. Well, not exactly. 

Tell me what you think in the comments below. 

Are relationships (the long-lasting, hot and sexy kind) really worth it? Part 2

How to choose the right person for long-term hot, sexy, beautiful love.

Let me ask you this: do you trust yourself to choose the right partner in love? 💝

Or are you confused by the options? 

Does your body tells you one thing (hubba hubba). 🤪 And your mind another (stay far away from this one, bad news!!)? 🤨 Or vice versa. 

This is totally normal. And also frustrating and downright confusing! 

Download this { FREE } bonus Cheat Sheet:

14 typical questions 🦖 + 3 not-so-typical tips 🐒 to use on dates so you know if it’s really worth it

So many women that I speak with feel like they’ve chosen poorly in the past and now lack the confidence to move forward with (or step away from) guys that they are dating. 

In this video we explore together:

⭐ How to know who and what is good for you

⭐ How to sift through the sand to find the gold nugget you might be missing

⭐ How to get your support crew in place to help you play in this game of love

We’ll talk about biology, our brains, why we’re attracted to the ‘wrong’ people, and how to move beyond it towards a relationship with someone that feels hot and sizzly and that is built to last over time.

✨Move beyond biology and instinct by embracing both and adding a bit of consciousness to the mix. ✨

💝The building blocks of a good strong relationship begin in dating. And knowing how to ‘date well’ is critical to finding the love you want.

Are relationships (the long-lasting, hot and sexy kind) really worth it? Part 1

Part 1 of a 3 part series: Relationships, why bother?

Do you ever wonder if relationships are really even worth it?

Society and culture give us mixed messages and biology (hubba hubba) sometimes tells us something else altogether. How are we supposed to know what it is that we really, truly want at the end of the day?

In this video we discover what is really going on with you by helping you to:

• understanding the confusion around wanting a relationship or not

• defining what it is you really truly do want and why exactly

• then taking some steps towards getting it

Get clear on what you want. Download this {FREE} Playbook.

I myself have been conflicted over the years.

Culture says: It’s good to be independent, me first! Who needs a relationship to be fulfilled?

vs.

Society says: The facts: 70% of Americans describe themselves as being in a ‘committed relationship..umm…that’s a majority.

So why are they doing it? Watch the video for more insights.

I myself realized that my indecision around relationships was cover-up for what was lying at very deep levels: a desire for a super special, super exceptional person that I could explode my life experience with exponentially.

It just seemed like too much to ask for. And it wasn’t coming. So better to just keep on with the…well, who really needs it. After all, I wasn’t doing so badly on my own.

Only thing was I really, really wanted to learn and grow in a way you can only if you are in an intimate, loving, relationship over time – however long that may be.

And at last, I got it.

So now I get to work on all the challenges that relationships carry. Bring it on! Is what I say.

Build Supreme Confidence in Dating - Part 3

Here's Part 3 of the three part of this FB LIVE series on mastering dating you'll move into calculated action to become supremely confident in dating. 

You'll learn a technique that will re-wire your brain so that being confident feels natural.

Get the { FREE } Playbook for Part 3

You'll bring together everything you learned in Part 1 and in Part 2 to:

- Take care of the parts of you holding you back so they step aside gracefully. Love. Always.

- Take action! Define some concrete things that you can do immediately to move you forward.

- Call in the troops: build up the parts of yourself that can support you.

- Call in the reinforcement: Clean up or reinforce your support system of family + friends

Oooommmm...You'll find yourself becoming a supremely confident master of yourself...And of dating

SHARE this with those you think could use it. ❤️

Catch me every Wednesday at 8PM GMT on Facebook Live where I talk about all things love, sex + relationships: fb.me/andrealushlife

Build Supreme Confidence in Dating - Part 2

Part 2 of a 3 Part FB LIVE series (fb.me/andrealushlife) on how to uncover what is really blocking you from feeling confident by deep diving into your body – it holds the answer! 

Take notes in this Playbook for Part 2 – it'll help you record and remember what you learn as we go along. 

Get the { FREE } Playbook for Part 2

I now manage the ebbs and flows of dating (and of life) by learning how to recognize and become intimately familiar with the parts of me that hold me back from really going for it. 

And you can do it too. 

Often what holds us back are bits of us that are trying to look out for us – they just don't feel like it's going to be safe for us to have exactly what we want, whether that's a relationship or just to have a really good time on a date! 

Might sound a bit crazy, but I've seen through coaching numerous clients and in going through the process countless times, that this is it. Simple, right? 

Good news is that once you recognize and understand these parts of you, you can take care of them so that they quietly step to the side as you move forwards towards supreme confidence. Oh, yeah! 

There are also supports within you that you can call on for help. We'll begin to uncover these too in this 2nd part. 

It will be in Part 3 though where we really give our supports the permission to really flex their muscles and show us the superpowers they have. 

For everyone it's different. What you uncover and what you hold inside of you to fuel your confidence is yours alone. Once you get to know yourself this intimately, the open sea of dating will feel less daunting and you won't feel so frustrated, lost, confused or alone out there. 

SHARE the love with those you think could use it! ❤️

Catch me every Wednesday at 8PM GMT on Facebook Live where I talk about all things love, sex + relationships: fb.me/andrealushlife

Build Supreme Confidence in Dating - Part 1

Part 1 of a 3 Part FB LIVE series (fb.me/andrealushlife) on how to become so supremely confident in dating that you go on dates easily and live the aftermath of them gracefully.

What I share with you in Part 1 is first stage of a simple yet profound 3 part process that I learned to understand what was really going on.

Get the { FREE } Playbook for Part 1

Get crystal clear on what you really want

The first part is to get super clear on exactly what it is that you want. So for example if you want to be in a relationship, then dig down into being in a relationship will bring to your life. What more will you have or experience. What more will it give you. 

Bring it into 3D

The next step is to visualize what this looks like when all 5 of your senses are engaged. What do you see, hear, taste, smell, and touch in this new reality. 

By doing this your body starts to register your future state in the present time. This does 2 things:

1. Lets your brain know that you can have this and survive.

2. Invites the parts of you that are afraid of you having this new reality to show up. If they weren't there, you'd already have done what it takes to have it!

Get to know your monsters

Begin to get to know the parts of you that are blocking you. Whilst they may seem like enemies at the moment, they came to you to help you in some way. Only now it's time they move on. 

Invite them to step aside

In Part 2 learn how to transform these monsters so that they step aside, freeing your pathway to your goal. 

Catch me every Wednesday at 8PM GMT on Facebook Live where I talk about all things love, sex + relationships: fb.me/andrealushlife